Earlier this year, I started seeing a therapist. After months of feeling irrationally angry, unsettled and even more emotional than I usually am, I realised I could use some professional help in managing my emotions and the day-to-day challenges of parenting and adulting and being a human in this challenging world. Therapy, like exercise, became part of my regular self-care regime.
Other than a couple of close friends, however, no one knew this. After all, it's not something that's talked about in casual conversation. What would people think if they knew? Would they assume that I was unhappy, that there had been some kind of big traumatic event, that I was a downer of a friend, that I was hiding some big scandalous secret?
!["Wine and chocolate are acceptable. Medication and therapy, not so much."](/web/20161016004337im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/i/y/o/j/d/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.grv75z.png/1476243672480.jpg)
My decision to share that information wasn't taken lightly. I went back and forth about whether to post this news. I worried about the judgment and the assumptions people would make. I wondered if sharing too much might be self-destructive.
The landscape of self-care and mental health in today's world is riddled with minefields. Share a meme about #winemoms and you'll get a hundred likes and shares. Joke about locking yourself in the bathroom with chocolate and a margarita at the end of the day, and women will giggle right along with you. Tell someone that you go to the gym or get regular massages, and you'll be met with pats on the back and maybe a few envious sighs. But admit that you take medication or that you need therapy? Well, that's a different story. People look away, clam up and rush to judgments.
The double standards and hypocritical narrative about self-care and mental health are stark. Mums-who-wine are trendy and cool. Chocolate and complaining are appropriate and welcomed. But medication and therapy are hushed and hidden. All of which makes it painfully obvious that there are "acceptable" ways for us to deal with the struggles of being human, and "less than acceptable" ways. Wine and chocolate are acceptable. Medication and therapy, not so much.
There is no right way to take care of yourself. I love a glass of wine on a Friday night as much as the next person, but this acceptance of wine-to-cope-with-life can get awfully dangerous, especially when we celebrate booze while at the same time condemning therapy and prescription medication as viable forms of self-care. Therapy doesn't need to be an option of last resort, and it isn't necessarily reserved for those who have suffered a trauma or loss (though it can certainly be helpful in those situations). Rather, therapy can benefit anyone trying to better manage the challenges of being a human in this complex world.
Washington Post
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