Good Weekend

Modern Guru

Danny Katz

Girl trouble

I'm 10. If a girl passes me a note in class, do I read it or hand it to the teacher?

What's so funny?

Danny Katz.

I'm sitting between two young people laughing at something on their mobiles. Dare I ask for a look?

Move along, folks

Danny Katz

The traffic light's turned green. The police van ahead isn't moving. Do I toot them?

Kicking up a stink

Danny Katz

My colleague sprays himself with deodorant at his desk. How do I tell him to do it in private?

G'day, now go away

Danny Katz

On my daily walk, I might pass the same stranger twice. Do I smile at them again?

Initial concerns

Danny Katz

A recent houseguest carved his name into a favourite tree. I can't ignore it. Any advice?

The gift of words

Danny Katz

I've often already read the books that friends give me as presents. Should I say anything?

Against the grain

Danny Katz

I lean to being vegan but broke a tooth eating Toblerone. Must I confess or can I blame quinoa?

BYO whine

<i> Illustration by Simon Letch </i>

What should I have said to an elegant woman who turned to me as we were waiting to board the bus and said, "I hate Jews"?

Pluck buddy

<i>Illustration: Tanya Cooper/illustrationroom.com.au</i>

My new boyfriend has a single thick, curly backhair that I'm itching to pluck. Please advise.

Modern Guru

If his hands are above yours, it's a microbial waterfall; if they're below yours, you're getting pathogenic splashback.

While I was washing my hands in the only basin in a small unisex bathroom in a cafe, something odd happened.

Applause for thought

Illustration: Simon Letch

We recently went to see a play and everyone got up for a standing ovation. We didn't think it was worthy of one.

Modern Guru: Sincerely painful

Illustration by Sam Bennett

Q: When checking out at the supermarket, I am routinely asked, "How's your day been so far?" or "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" My instinctive – but never spoken – reply is, "None of your business." Am I wrong to be riled by these perfunctory insincerities from total strangers?

Modern Guru

Danny Katz.

My cleaner insists on moving a couple of ornaments that she obviously feels

Modern guru

<i>Illustration: Sam Bennett</i>

I was walking through my office with my bag, when a condom fell out onto the floor.

Modern guru

<I>Illustration: Sam Bennett</i>

I am the mother of two active preschoolers, and while this is a very fulfilling role, every trip to the supermarket is stressful and tiring.

Modern Guru

<I>Illustration: Gustav Dejert/The Illustration Room</i>

My neighbour and his leaf blower are inseparable. I've often fantasised about leaving an anonymous note in his letterbox suggesting he buy a broom. Should I?

Modern guru

<i>Illustration by Sam Bennett</i>.

We recently rented a beach house with friends but their young son broke a few things. What do we do?

Modern guru

<i>Gustav Dejert/The Illustration Room</i>

The older Australian heterosexual male is one of the most pitifully sad creatures in the wider human community.

Modern guru

<i>Illustration: Simon Letch</i>

Snooping is always going to be no-win/no-win because, if you see something upsetting, you can never mention it to them.

Modern guru

<i>Illustration: Melissa Mackie</i>

Danny Katz solves your ethics and etiquette dilemmas.

Table tricks

<i>Illustration: Melissa Mackie</i>

When I asked her, "Could you pass the pepper?" she answered, "What's the magic word?"

Modern guru

<i>Gustav Dejert/The Illustration Room</i>

Danny Katz solves your ethics and etiquette dilemmas