Just like a scene from your favourite over the top soapie, children sometimes have a tendency to stretch things to their limits. Like their parents’ sanity, for example. One thing that causes high level drama is that pesky impulsive behaviour.
Faster than you can keep up with Brooke Forrester-Spencer-Forrester-Logan-Forrester’s love life, your darling cherub swoops into the cupboard and steals a biscuit. Or throws a toy at their sibling’s head, knowing full well they were meant to be sharing said toy. Or talks right over the top of you, insistent that they MUST get out the thought in their head.
Nobody is immune
I might spend my days working with families on this exact matter, but my kids are far from immune. Once, while shopping, we ran into a work colleague of mine who had been on maternity leave with a bonnie little babe. Whilst gushing over her gorgeousness, my middle child (darn middle children!) impulsively blurts out “why is she so fat?” Gulp. Awks. Could the Earth please open and swallow us up whole right now? Ta.
While rambling some incoherent sequence of apologies and ushering my darling away from the scene of the crime, it got me thinking about how impulsive our children can be, and how our own moral code can sometimes make their impulsivity seem worse than what it actually is.
Why does it happen? WHY?!
Impulsivity is something that occurs in our children, because their brains are catching up with their bodies. Development is so rapid at this early stage of life, and we know from research now that the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control and regulation don’t develop until late adolescence, and sometimes into early adulthood. So while it ain’t pretty at times, it is pretty normal at these early ages.
Source: LittleHoots
That’s not to say that our children can’t learn a few tips to help them along the way while their brains are developing. To help build some skills in the art of regulation we can:
1. Bring it to their awareness
Half the time our kids don’t even realise what they’re doing, until they’ve done it. In the moment, helping to draw their attention to what they were doing, and the lead up can be useful to build self-awareness, and to help with regulation abilities. Helping kids to understand what impulsivity is, in a way they can take on board is also useful. Knowledge is power.
2. Help children to stop and think before acting
Having a quick, snappy mantra can be useful in short-circuiting that impulsive behaviour. Practising with children to stop, breathe and think about what’s going on around them before taking the next step can be a handy way to slow down the process.
3. Keep it short and snappy
Banging on and on about tasks, or behaviours is literally going to go in one ear and out the other. If something arises, just be clear about what it is they need to be doing, ask them what they can do next time and move on. If you’re wanting your child to do something, give them short and sharp instructions one chunk at a time. By breaking things down, kids tend to stay on task more and thus reduces the likelihood for an impulsive slip.
4. Problem solve
Sometimes impulsiveness arises out of that innate desire to have something/say something/do something RIGHT NOW and not quite having a grasp on other ways to go about achieving our needs. If we can work with our kids on problem solving skills- that is, looking at what they want, and possible ways to get what they want without upsetting others or disobeying, then they feel armed with some tricks and can sometimes hold off, knowing there’s another way to go about things.
And if you are worried that your child’s impulsiveness may go above and beyond what might be considered age appropriate? Then it’s great to go and have a chat with your GP, who can point you in the right direction for testing and supports. Working in with your child’s school can also be a great help. In the meantime, rinse, repeat and breathe. The soapie drama does ease up, just as sure as Brooke and Ridge end up back together.
