The King of Queens

The King of Queens

Taking place in Rego Park, Queens, New York, a blue-collar married couple, Doug, a deliveryman, and Carrie, a secretary at a law firm, who both live with Carrie's oddball father, Arthur, try to make the best of what they got while trying to make their marriage somewhat normal and getting through tiny problems that they have together, even the occasional run-in with Carrie's father.

Cast

• Kevin James
• Leah Remini
• Victor Williams
• Jerry Stiller
• Patton Oswalt
• Gary Valentine
• Nicole Sullivan
• Merrin Dungey
• Larry Romano
• Jenny O'Hara
• Dakin Matthews
• Alex Skuby
• Lou Ferrigno
• Jimmy Shubert
• Sam McMurray
• Gerry Black
• Nikki Tyler-Flynn
• Ford Rainey
• Christine Gonzales
• Marshaun Daniel
• Tyler Hendrickson
• Pamela Kosh

• Season 1
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Pilot
  Arthur Spooner: I got two words for you: I'm saying right here!::Carrie Spooner Heffernan: That's fo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Fat City
  Carrie Heffernan: Honey, could you pass the, um, "I Can't Believe It's Not Salad Dressing?"...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Cello, Goodbye
  Arthur Spooner: Oh, sorry. I was just remembering a little girl with pigtails and braces on her teet...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Richie's Song
  USA:12 October 1998...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Paternal Affairs
  Carrie Heffernan: Hey! I know I have to die someday, but I'm gonna be really pissed off if it's toda...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Head First
  Spence Olchin: Oh, I feel like Anne Frank....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Rock
  Arthur Spooner: [as he gets out of a hot tub, naked] It's called gravity, Douglas, and it's coming f...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Educating Doug
  [Doug, Carrie and Arthur are in the car]::Arthur Spooner: Hey, pull over I need to use the John.::Ca...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Road Rayge
  The first time members of the Barone family appeared on the show....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Supermarket Story
  Carrie Heffernan: If I put my mind to it, I can mash, shuck, and jive and all that, don't you think?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Noel Cowards
  Carrie Heffernan: Hey! I know I have to die someday, but I'm gonna be really pissed off if it's toda...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Fixer Upper
  Carrie Heffernan: Don't you think Spence needs a date?::Doug Heffernan: No. He's got a very nice rou...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Best Man
  This is the first episode with 'Merrin Dungey' (qv) as Kelly Palmer. Kelly (Deacons wife) was only m...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Dog Days
  [Doug and Carrie can't sleep because of the neighbors' dog]::Doug Heffernan: You know, as long as we...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Crappy Birthday
  [reading her birthday card]::Carrie Heffernan: You are my bilgistic pile of love meat. Love, Doug....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: S'ain't Valentine's
  Richie Iannucci: [Beeper goes off] Oh, it's my beeper. Ah, large fire. I need to go.::Deacon Palmer:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Court Date
  Doug Heffernan: You cut off a school bus?::Carrie Heffernan: They were fifth graders. It's not like ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: White Collar
  Doug Heffernan: [ENTERING HOSPITAL ROOM HOLDING "WORD SEARCH" BOOK, TO COMATOSE CO-WORKER] "Hey, I b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Rayny Day
  Arthur Spooner: What? Three people can't play golf together? It's not sex, for God's sake!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Train Wreck
  Julie: Hey, is one of you guys Doug Heffernan?::Doug Heffernan: That would be me.::Julie: Hi I'm Jul...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Hungry Man
  [Arthur is playing chess by himself in the basement and hears Spence entering the kitchen]::Arthur S...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Time Share
  USA:26 April 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Where's Poppa
  Doug says he'd settle for the woman who does Carrie's nails. This is his real-life wife....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Art House
  USA:10 May 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Maybe Baby
  [about having a baby]::Carrie Heffernan: Let's leave it in the hands of God.::Doug Heffernan: What?:...
• Season 2
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Queasy Rider
  Arthur Spooner: Darling, I need to borrow the iron.::Carrie Heffernan: Dad, I told you, if you want ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Female Problems
  Arthur Spooner: I thought ironic meant made up entirely of iron....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Assaulted Nuts
  USA:4 October 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Parent Trapped
  [Arthur will only sell a little troll doll to Carrie for 50 bucks]::Carrie Heffernan: Okay, this is ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Tube Steaks
  USA:18 October 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Doug Out
  Doug has to pick Arthur up from his job, because Carrie is working late. On the way home, Arthur tal...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Get Away
  USA:1 November 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Dire Strayts
  RAT:1.33 : 1...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: I, Candy
  USA:15 November 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Roamin' Holiday
  Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [after Arthur asks why Spence is seating in his seat at breakfast] Spence ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Sparing Carrie
  Doug, Carrie, Deacon, Spence, and Richie all are on Cooper's bowling team. Their team is mediocre. T...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Net Prophets
  USA:13 December 1999...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Party Favor
  Doug's cousin Danny is getting married but Danny does not have a best man. Carrie volunteers Doug as...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Block Buster
  Doug invites his old high school championship football team to his house to have a party. Doug tells...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Frozen Pop
  When Doug and Carrie wake up on on the "balmy" morning, the alarm clock news anchor says the radio s...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Fair Game
  Doug Heffernan: You know what I really love about being married to you?::Carrie Heffernan: Not havin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Meet By-Product
  Lynn: Do you... you know, get in to a lot of fights at the club?::Doug Heffernan: Well, you know, it...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: The Shmenkmans
  Doug Heffernan: [Doug and Carrie gain confidence to join Deacon and Kelly who are on a double date w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Surprise Artie
  USA:28 February 2000...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Wild Cards
  USA:6 March 2000...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Big Dougie
  Doug Heffernan: Do you think I'm a big sack of crap?::Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Have you been readin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Soft Touch
  In spite of all Carrie's efforts to avoid them, annoying neighbors Tim and Dorothy manage to invite ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Restaurant Row
  In the opening scene, Doug has locked his keys in his car and is offered help by a locksmith with th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Flower Power
  USA:15 May 2000...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Whine Country
  USA:22 May 2000...
• Season 3
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Do Rico
  USA:2 October 2000...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Roast Chicken
  RAT:1.33 : 1...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Fatty McButterpants
  When Doug learns that Carrie is buying him clothing from the "Big and Tall Shop", he is now determin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Class Struggle
  When Carrie spends a night out with some of her colleagues, she finds out that they are more success...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Strike One
  Doug Heffernan: Our peice of crap car broke down right in the middle of the crap crappity crap crap ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Strike Too
  It is week two of the IPS strike, and Doug still has not gotten a job. To get back on his feet, his ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Strike Out
  It is week three of the IPS strike, and Doug has just been hanging around the house for all three of...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Dark Meet
  RAT:1.33 : 1...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Twisted Sitters
  When Kelly's great aunt dies, both Deacon and her have to go to Chicago and they have no one to watc...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Work Related
  USA:4 December 2000...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Better Camera
  [Arthur gave Lou Ferrigno a copy of his screenplay]::Lou Ferrigno: Well, Arthur, I read "Reconsideri...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Wedding Presence
  Doug and Carrie run into an annoying couple who are happening to get married. The couple invite them...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Hi-Def Jam
  Stephanie Heffernan: I don't think I've ever seen so many marionettes before....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Paint Misbehavin'
  'Larry Romano' (qv)'s final appearance on the show....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Deacon Blues
  Arthur Spooner: So I looked her square in the eye and said, "Ma'am, you are undoubtedly the most fet...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Horizontal Hold
  USA:19 February 2001...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Inner Tube
  Doug lies to Carrie about having to work late so he can play mud football and get out of going to he...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Papa Pill
  [Carrie and Doug picked Arthur up in a bar]::Carrie Heffernan: I got to be honest with you dad, okay...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Package Deal
  Doug receives an offer from FedEx and tells his IPS boss that if he wont give Doug a better route th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Separation Anxiety
  RAT:1.33 : 1...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Departure Time
  Doug's parents are coming in town so Doug and Carrie decide to go and pick them up at the airport an...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Swim Neighbors
  After a big storm Doug and Carrie catch their annoying neighbors in their backyard cleaning up the a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: S'no Job
  USA:14 May 2001...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Pregnant Pause: Part 1
  USA:21 May 2001...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Pregnant Pause: Part 2
  Marilyn: I assume you're taking folic acid.::Carrie Heffernan: Well, I took some at a Metallica conc...
• Season 4
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Walk, Man
  Doug Heffernan: How was..."spinning"?::Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Great- I feel happy, healthy, and m...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Sight Gag
  Doug makes a telephone call to Dr. Weithorn's office, where Carrie had her laser eye surgery. Michae...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Mean Streak
  Doug Heffernan: You see, it's not about me. It's really about what's best for the company, the team....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Friender Bender
  While going to the movies, Doug and Deacon pass a strip club. Doug is distracted by Deacon's comment...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: No Retreat
  Kaplan: You a climber Doug?::Doug Heffernan: Ya, ya a little bit, ya.::Kaplan: There's nothing like ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Ticker Treat
  On Halloween, Doug buys a pumpkin for the tricker treaters. Arthur comes in the kitchen and smashes ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Lyin' Hearted
  While Arthur is in the hospital getting Angioplasty, Carrie and Doug go through his room to find his...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Life Sentence
  When Arthur comes home from his operation, Doug and Carrie decide to install a nanny-cam to watch ov...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Veiled Threat
  This episode is set before Doug and Carrie's marriage. Carrie is very nervous to be married to Doug....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Oxy Moron
  When Doug and Carrie's plane makes a rough landing, Doug takes the oxygen mask all for himself. Howe...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Depo Man
  Carrie Heffernan: [Watching Doug mix his cereals] What are you doing?::Doug Heffernan: Simple. I'm m...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Ovary Action
  It's Christmas and Carrie get another negative pregnancy test. So Doug and her go to a fertility doc...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Food Fight
  Carrie Heffernan: [catching 'food-unfaithful' Doug who is sneakily devouring the leftovers of Becky'...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Double Downer
  Doug Heffernan: Salsa dancing? That's got 'split my pants' written all over it....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Dougie Nights
  Doug Heffernan: They're helpless antelopes and we're lions in the grass... Let the hunt begin....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: No Orleans
  When Doug and Carrie find an old check in a wedding present, they need to invite Doug's annoying rel...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Missing Links
  Carrie's work has an annual golf trip, but Doug and Carrie used to always take Deacon and Kelly. Now...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Hero Worship
  His uncle Stu seems to like Doug much more than he likes his own son Danny and when Doug tells him i...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Screwed Driver
  Spence Olchin: [to Doug's mother] Excuse me, Mrs. Heffernan; can I use the restroom?::Joe Heffernan:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Lush Life
  [Carrie put Doug on a diet and wants to eat a pizza herself]::Carrie Heffernan: Oh, have your stupid...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Bun Dummy
  Doug and Spence have a high school reunion, but Spence doesn't want to go because he had a relations...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Patrons Ain't
  Doug and Carrie make a charitable contribution to Robert Hoover School. There is no explanation of w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Eddie Money
  Doug and Deacon bet 100 dollars on a fight that they are not allowed to bet on. They win 5,000 dolla...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Two Thirty
  Doug's dentist is in the Weithorn Medical Center. The building's name is very likely an inside joke ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Shrink Wrap
  Arthur Spooner: I would like a parrot and name him Douglass.::[Later]::Arthur Spooner: I would like ...
• Season 5
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Arthur, Spooner
  Holly asks Doug if she can get a raise for walking Arthur, while Carrie gets a promotion on being th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Window Pain
  Doug and Carrie get new neighbors who are really clean cut and high class people. When they get to k...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Holy Mackerel
  Doug Heffernan: Mahi mahi is for me-hi me-hi....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Kirbed Enthusiasm
  USA:14 October 2002...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Mammary Lane
  USA:21 October 2002...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Business Affairs
  USA:28 October 2002...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Flame Resistant
  When Doug and Carrie go out to lunch they run into Doug's ex-girlfriend from high school. Doug's mom...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Flash Photography
  USA:11 November 2002...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Connect Four
  When Carrie wins four tickets for a month to Knicks games, Doug and her struggle to find another cou...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Loaner Car
  Doug Heffernan: [reading Major's story about Thanksgiving] We used to have Thanksgiving as a family....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Mentalo Case
  USA:16 December 2002...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Jung Frankenstein
  USA:6 January 2003...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Attention Deficit
  The Super Bowl is coming and Doug wants to throw a Super Bowl party at his house, but everyone has a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Prints Charming
  Doug and Carrie go to the supermarket and pick up their developed pictures, however they get another...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Animal Attraction
  Doug has to cancel dinner with Carrie on valentines day because IPS is having him deliver penguins t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Golden Moldy
  Arthur Spooner: What do we have here?::Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Vacation brochures. It looks like w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: S'Poor House
  In this episode, 'Anne Meara' (qv) replaces 'Grace Zabriskie' (qv) as Spence's mother....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Steve Moscow
  USA:10 March 2003...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Cowardly Lyin'
  Carrie gets tickets to an opera but Doug doesn't want to go, so he has Deacon help him lie to get ou...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Driving Reign
  Danny becomes an IPS driver and Doug gets upset because he feels that Danny is always following in D...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Clothes Encounter
  Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, you said we should get ourselves something that says "we done good" ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Queens'bro Bridge
  USA:28 April 2003...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Dog Shelter
  Arthur Spooner: Needless to say... you're dead to me....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Taste Buds
  While looking for a video in the video store Carrie doesn't want to see the films Doug has found but...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Bed Spread
  Doug and Carrie's bed breaks down and as a temporary solution they borrow the beds from Deacon's chi...
• Season 6
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Doug Less I
  Danny Heffernan: [Danny and Spence are housesitting for Doug and Carrie and are fighting over who ge...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Doug Less II
  After Doug loses some major weight, he decides to take Carrie to the same vacation spot he did 10 ye...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: King Pong
  Arthur gets a ping pong table and asks Doug to play. Doug basically knows he has already won the gam...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Dreading Vows
  During a romantic dinner, Doug is inspired to proclaim his love to Carrie. Carrie is taken by his ge...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Nocturnal Omission
  Doug Heffernan: [after leaving Deacon's apartment where a smoking-hot stewardess is waiting, to Deac...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Affidavit Justice
  Doug pretends to be a lawyer in order to play on the softball team of Carrie's work. When confrontin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Secret Garden
  Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [looking at online pictures of a grill company webpage] So, where is the g...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Eggsit Strategy
  USA:19 November 2003...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Thanks, Man
  This is the first episode in which 'Desmond Roberts (II)' (qv) plays Major Palmer. His older brother...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: American Idle
  USA:3 December 2003...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Santa Claustrophobia
  It's Christmas and Arthur wants to have a Christmas card sent out with a photo of him and a few clos...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Dougie Houser
  The rocket-pack that Doug wears is NOT the same prop that was used in the film _The Rocketeer (1991)...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Frigid Heirs
  The refrigerator is broken, but since Carrie still doesn't have a job, Doug and Carrie can't buy a n...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Switch Sitters
  After an evening of babysitting Major and Kirby, Carrie jokingly tells Deacon and Kelly they should ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Cheap Saks
  Carrie has talked Doug into going to an art gallery. Deacon and Spence also came along. While Spence...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Damned Yanky
  When Carrie asks Doug to take out the trash and he says he is in pain, Carrie thinks he is lying and...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Multiple Plots
  Doug Heffernan: [Carrie is making Doug pancakes for breakfast before he goes to work]::Doug Hefferna...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Trash Talker
  Arthur Spooner: Douglas, there's no shame in being a trash can licker....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Precedent Nixin'
  Doug and Carrie go on spring break holiday to Doug's parents. Carrie hates sleeping at their house w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Foe: Pa
  Carrie Heffernan: Any sign of my dad?::Doug Heffernan: No. I thought I saw him in the park, but it w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Tank Heaven
  Carrie Heffernan: Emily and Peter blew us off again tonight.::Doug Heffernan: Really? That's weird.:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Alter Ego
  RAT:1.33 : 1...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Icky Shuffle
  Arthur Spooner: So your mother sleeps around, what else is new?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Awful Bigamy
  Doug Heffernan: Hey Arthur, come on up for breakfast. You know I can't start my day without my two s...
• Season 7
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Lost Vegas
  Deacon Palmer: How could you possibly think there'd be valet parking at a diner in Ohio?::Danny Heff...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Dugan Groupie
  While Doug has a barbecue evening planned with her, Carrie has too much work to do to be able to bar...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Furious Gorge
  The episode's title is a reference to "Curious George", a character created by 'Margret Rey' (qv) an...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Entertainment Weakly
  [to Carrie]::Doug Heffernan: Try and keep it together here, and know that I'm not mad at you, I'm ma...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Name Dropper
  USA:1 December 2004...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Offtrack... Bedding
  USA:8 December 2004...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Silent Mite
  Carrie Heffernan: Ok Doug, you know what? This year I don't want a Christmas present. All I want is ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Awed Couple
  Renee: [to Carrie about a jacket she bought] That salesman had a real attitude, if I didn't want thi...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Cologne Ranger
  USA:12 January 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Domestic Disturbance
  USA:19 January 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Pour Judgment
  USA:26 January 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Gym Neighbors
  Danny Heffernan: Maybe you should get Lou the Spiderman 2 game.::Doug Heffernan: Yeah, I'm going to ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Gorilla Warfare
  Doug Heffernan: [erratically caressing his stomach, his wrist watch catches something] Nipple!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Hi, School
  USA:23 February 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Deconstructing Carrie
  Carrie turns 35 which is problematic for everybody. Arthur hasn't got any money to buy her a gift. W...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Black List
  USA:16 March 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Wish Boned
  It's Arthurs birthday and to avoid spending time with Arthur, Doug calls himself on his own cell pho...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Van, Go
  Doug Heffernan: Think I can take her?::Deacon Palmer: Listen, I love you and I believe in you. If yo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Ice Cubed
  There's a blizzard in Queens so Carrie hurries to buy herself an I-pod, but when the clerk doesn't r...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Catching Hell
  USA:20 April 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Slippery Slope
  USA:9 May 2005...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Buy Curious
  Arthur Spooner: Douglas; would this be a good time to talk about my psoriosis?::Doug Heffernan: Arth...
• Season 8
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Pole Lox
  Spence Olchin: Where do you want to go for dinner? Can I talk you into Ethiopian?::Arthur Spooner: I...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Vocal Discord
  [playing with Carrie's automatic transcription software]::Arthur Spooner: We have nothing to fear bu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Consummate Professional
  Doug doesn't get a raise at his IPS job and Carrie gets upset because she knows that he has been wor...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Like Hell
  When Doug doesn't get invited to his new co-worker Jared's barbecue party, he tries to understand wh...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Sandwiched Out
  Carrie Heffernan: Did you ever have a friend whose life sucked so bad it made you feel better about ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Shear Torture
  [Spence has decided not to take Lou Ferrigno to a Sci-Fi convention because Adam West agreed to go]:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Inn Escapable
  When Doug surprises Carrie to a relaxing get away to a bed and breakfast, it doesn't turn out the wa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Move Doubt
  One of their neighbors move and Doug and Carrie knew that Deacon and Kelly are looking for a place, ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: G'Night Stalker
  Carrie drags Doug to a karaoke bar and when he gets up on stage he is very nervous, but he starts fe...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Raygin' Bulls
  Doug Heffernan: Let's shake things up a bit.::Ray Barone: You wanna get a pizza?::Doug Heffernan: No...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Baker's Doesn't
  Arthur Spooner: I'll handle the lyrics, and you look like the sort who can write music.::Spence Olch...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Fresh Brood
  Danny is babysitting the baby of his ex-girlfriend and doesn't want Doug to hold her. Doug tells Car...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Gambling N' Diction
  Carrie wants a promotion at her work, but her boss says the committee won't hire her because of the ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Apartment Complex
  Doug and his friends get an apartment above a Chinese restaurant in order to be away from the women ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Buggie Nights
  Doug and Carrie watch part of Lagaan in the newspaper vendor's stall....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Knee Jerk
  Arthur Spooner: Shame on you, Carrie. I've pushed tons of people down the stairs, but damn it, I alw...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Present Tense
  Lou Ferrigno: Arthur borrowed 30 dollar from me and he said he'd pay me back today.::Doug Heffernan:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Sold-Y Locks
  Carrie Heffernan: You're my husband. You're supposed to protect me.::Doug Heffernan: I never agreed ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Emotional Rollercoaster
  Carrie Heffernan: Doug can't be happy with his life, wearing short pants to work and dragging packag...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Four Play
  Arthur Spooner: I couldn't help overhearing - I was eavesdropping.::Gloria: No offense, but I'm not ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Hartford Wailer
  Carrie Heffernan: Didn't you get my message?::Doug Heffernan: No, my phone's on vibrate, I left it i...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Fight Schlub
  Carrie Heffernan: Doug, did you see my blue camisol?::Doug Heffernan: I'd be more help if I knew wha...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Acting Out
  Arthur Spooner: How dare you go through my personal things!::Doug Heffernan: You go through my stuff...
• Season 9
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Mama Cast
  Charlotte: There's this really cute boy at school.::Carrie Heffernan: Michael?::Charlotte: Yeah, but...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Affair Trade
  Doug Heffernan: She called last night and, uh, well, we talked.::Deacon Palmer: Well, why didn't you...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Moxie Moron
  Doug Heffernan: I might get fired!::Carrie Heffernan: Don't worry, you'll get better.::Doug Hefferna...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Major Disturbance
  'Austin Astrup' (qv) takes over the role of Major Palmer from 'Desmond Roberts (II)' (qv)....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Ruff Goin'
  USA...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Brace Yourself
  USA...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Home Cheapo
  USA...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Offensive Fowl
  [Spence enters carrying a large sign]::Deacon Palmer: How's the new job?::Spence Olchin: How do you ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Mild Bunch
  'Adam Sandler (I)' (qv)'s character is named for one of the executive producers of the show, 'Jeff S...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Manhattan Project
  When Carrie discovers the apartment she wanted when they first got married is now affordable, Carrie...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Single Spaced
  USA...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: China Syndrome, Parts 1 and 2
  Arthur was married three times. First wife was Sophia (Carrie's mother), who died, second wife, Lily...