"People Watching EP" for free: http://iamoffbeat.com/justfree Follow Offbeat ● SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/iamoffbeat Track produced by Calum Matheson Genre: Electro Swing ◊ ◊ ◊ Follow Funky Panda ● Website: http://www.funkypanda.net/ ● YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/FunkyPanda ● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/funkypanda ● SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/fnkypanda ● Twitter: https://twitter.com/FunkyPanda ● Google +: https://plus.google.com/+funkypanda/posts Subscribe to Swing Whale ● YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/WhalePromotes Submit Your Tracks: https://soundcloud.com/groups/funky-pandas-submissions-group Plug.Dj 24hr Room: http://plug.dj/funky-panda-s-funky-town/ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ Artwork & Animation by Petirep ● DeviantArt: http://petirep.deviantart.com/ ◊ Thank you for Listening to YouTube's #1 Funky Network ◊ Lyrics: (Thanks to +TheDerero) [Verse 1] I never thought I'd resort to using a computer to try and find love, 'cause that stuff's just for losers. But there must be others like me who simply work a lot and are too busy to meet people, so I guess it's worth a shot. Okay, let's pick a username, something amusing, that can base my sense of humor and is guaranteed to woo the babes. Hmm, everything I choose is lame, I use my first name and birthday, and no one else would do the same. Now it's time to find a profile pic, something tasty that the ladies won't be able to resist. I take one from Facebook; N- actually, wait. I'm conscious with a knob on my face isn't a great look. Finally I fill out my profile creatively; "How often do you drink?" Uh, occasionally. "Do you smoke?" Yeah, but not regularly though... A few more tweaks, hit save, and I'm ready to go! [Chorus] When defining someone becomes a charge, or I've had enough of bar crawls and dance floors, or the marker is a partner who can make me quite the laughter, but who looks like Mrs. Carter. Is that too much to ask for? When defining someone becomes a charge, or I've had enough of bar crawls and dance floors, or the marker is a partner who can make me quite the laughter, but who looks like Mrs. Carter. Is that too much to ask for? [Verse 2] Now I'm browsing through profiles to take a peak and the results are underwhelming to say the least. I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but if these are their best photos, then how bad are the others? I pick a few that look promising or what first had seemed, but as I read now I notice some reoccurring themes; a lot of similar pictures and words o' advice, it was a bit deep, so I start reading between the lines: if she says that she's bubbly, don't be fooled or misled, 'cause that's code for "not the sharpest tool in the shed." And if she says that she's curvy, that generally means, that when she sees vending machines, she empties 'em clean. And with their photos I also noticed a couple things: camera angles designed to hide their double chins. I know that the camera never tells lies, but I beg to differ if they're ever held high. [Chorus] [Verse 2] I get a notification and for a moment I'm filled with hope and elation, 'cause this could be the most important message I'm ever about to view. I take a deep breath and open it: Hey, hun, how are you? I send out a few, but get no responses back, I'm 'bout to jack it in when someone new wants to chat. She's into movies, music, and cookery, too. But she's a looker to boot. This is too good to be true! Over the coming weeks we correspond regularly. I can't believe it, it feels like it was meant to be. Eventually we agree to meet in person, it's the first time in ages I've actually felt nervous! I'd love to tell you that the story ended happily. But that rarely ever happens in reality. Let's just say the pictures she had provided made her liable in court for false advertisin'. [Chorus + a verse] And is just as good a dancer Is equally at home with a glass of carver lager. Is smart enough to graduate from Harvard with a Master's. Who isn't into drama, with breasts like Dolly Parton and preferably a rich father. Is that too much to ask for? [Outro] Well, is it? I don't think so. I mean, all that stuff's just standard, right? Okay, okay, maybe she doesn't have to be a dancer. But everythin' else is essential. I mean, okay. She doesn't have to have an actual Master's degree from Harvard. But she's gotta be smart. And, you know, the rich dad thing? Pff, I guess I could take or leave. But everythin' else is strictly non-negotiable. Apart from the lager and carver thing. And the Beyoncé thing. Obviously. But anything else is a deal breaker, I mean, what's even left after that, you know? But I'm not tryin' to be a dick, but I've just got high standards and I know what I'm lookin' for, you know? Yeah, yeah. Funny and boobs, yeah.

• published: 04 Mar 2015
• views: 196280