Yellowbeard (1983)

Actors: Eric Idle (actor), Ronald Lacey (actor), Michael Hordern (actor), David Bowie (actor), Peter Bull (actor), Álvaro Carcaño (actor), John Cleese (actor), Peter Cook (actor), Graham Chapman (actor), Peter Boyle (actor), Graham Chapman (actor), Carlos East (actor), Marty Feldman (actor), Tommy Chong (actor), Cheech Marin (actor),

Plot: Yellowbeard, a pirate's pirate, is allowed to escape from prison to lead the authorities to his treasure. He finds that his wife neglected to tell him that he now has a son, 20, and shame of shame, an intellectual. The British Navy, Yellowbeard, his son, and members of Yellowbeard's old crew all go after the treasure.

Keywords: box-office-flop, breasts, cult-movie-cast, funeral-march-by-chopin, historical-fiction, hook-for-hand, independent-film, piracy, pirate, sea
Genres: Action, Adventure, Comedy,
Taglines: A picture filled with public floggings, saucy tarts, looney lords, outrageousness, offensiveness, even a stuffed crocodile and sheep! [Australia Theatrical] The greatest comedy cast ever assembled for a movie! Everyone who's ever been funny!!! [Australia Theatrical] Swashbucklers, pirates, public floggings, saucy tarts, beggars, queens, & jolly rogers. A Shipload of Laughs.

Quotes:

[Examining Yellowbeard's treasure]::El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?::El Segundo: Why, God, of course.::El Nebuloso: And who is God's personal representative in these parts?::El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.::El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.

Narrator: The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion.

Yellowbeard: She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.

Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.::Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?::Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.

Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!::Yellowbeard: Do what?::Dan: Putrify, go rotten!::Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.

Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!::Dan: What?::Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!

Betty: That's Yellowbeard.::Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!

Yellowbeard: Where's the map?::Betty: What map?::Yellowbeard: If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!

Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the map.::Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've eaten.

Betty: It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.

La sal del desierto (1972)

Actors: Jaime Vadell (actor), Tennyson Ferrada (actor), Anita Reeves (actress), Héctor Noguera (actor), Gloria Laso (actress), Leonardo Perucci (actor), Jael Unger (actress), Alejandro Sieveking (writer), Alejandro Sieveking (actor), Jose Caviedes (director), Bélgica Castro (actress), Paz Irarrázabal (actress), Sara Astica (actress), Ximena Vidal (actress), Maruja Cifuentes (actress),

Genres: Romance,

Valdez Is Coming (1971)

Actors: Barton Heyman (actor), Phil Brown (actor), John Franco (miscellaneous crew), Elmore Leonard (writer), Burt Lancaster (actor), Charles Gross (composer), José Morales (actor), Hector Elizondo (actor), Burt Lancaster (producer), Susan Clark (actress), Richard Jordan (actor), Tony Epper (actor), Rudy Ugland (miscellaneous crew), Rudy Ugland (actor), Roland Kibbee (writer),

Plot: The town constable, Bob Valdez, is forced to kill someone accused by Frank Tanner of being a murderer. Valdez asks Tanner for monetary help for the man's wife, but he is ridiculed and almost killed by Tanner's henchmen. Valdez recovers and summons up his days in the U.S. Cavalry in order to fight them. Valdez wounds one of the henchmen and sends him back to Tanner with the message, "Valdez is coming."

Keywords: african-american, ambush, anti-hero, based-on-novel, brothel, brutality, buffalo-rifle, captive, captive-woman, character-name-in-title
Genres: Western,
Taglines: They tore his body. They buried his pride. But they forgot his old uniform, his Sharps rifle, and his Buffalo gun. Find Tanner, El Segundo, and the 16 others. And tell them Valdez is coming. Honor is Always Worth Fighting For.

Quotes:

Frank Tanner: Any last words?::Bob Valdez: Hundred Dollars!

Bob Valdez: Tell him: Valdez is coming.

El Segundo: [about Gay] She never smiles. If she were my woman, I would make her smile.

Frank Tanner: I treat you all right, don't I?::Gay Erin: Sometimes you're human - sometimes.

Gay Erin: [referring to Tanner] Is he coming?::Bob Valdez: He's coming - but not alone. No, not alone.

Bob Valdez: You know something? I would have liked to get $100 for that Indian woman.

El Segundo: [after capturing Valdez] Like tobacco?::Bob Valdez: [quietly] No.::El Segundo: [after pausing and nervously clearing his throat] Tell me something... Who are you?::Bob Valdez: I told you once before - Bob Valdez.::El Segundo: [referring to Valdez's earlier marksmanship against his men] You know something, Bob Valdez, you hit one, I think, 700-800 yards.::Bob Valdez: [with certitude] Closer to a thousand.::El Segundo: What was it? Sharps?::Bob Valdez: [nods] My own load.::El Segundo: You ever hunt buffalo?::Bob Valdez: Apache.::El Segundo: I knew it. When?::Bob Valdez: Before I know better.

[last lines]::Frank Tanner: I shoulda killed you three days ago.::El Segundo: Or gone to Nogales.::Bob Valdez: Or paid the hundred dollars.