DHG: A Year in Review or Blowing Me Own Trumpet

2010 has been the best year with regards to acting, which is wonderful but leaves you hoping 2011 can top it rather than disappoint, great success only keeps pushing the bar further up. As it should, I wouldn't want it any other way and obviously 2011 brings the joys and pressures of Our Style is Legendary as well.

Thing started very well, working with good friend Martin Collins in Spain on an Italian commercial...



And then, one of my proudest moments, my feature film debut was released in the UK and the US and is still doing the rounds on DVD, airplane seat backs and pay-per-view tele. It was really something to see my big hair and face up on the movie screen...



Have I told you all how much I love Norway? 2010 I got to go back again in order to sell glasses...



I managed to fit in a few more gigs of Poles Apart before working with Nottingham born director Dominic Murphy on a marvellous VW commercial that has unfortunately led to people shouting: "Pull yourself together" at me in the street. Just found out this is now making it's way to Ireland and France next year...



For me, the clear highlight of 2010 was the arrival of my own comedy creation, Kirky, who I have high hopes for as a star of UK television in the making. Kirky has took me to some lovely places, the BBC for a start and we made some more last month as well, so I can only hope that he'll be on everyone's TV even more often come 2011.



And then when I thought it couldn't get any better I secured one of those huge American TV jobs for Yahoo! directed by the finest commercial director of the last 15 years Bryan Buckley, where I got to mime to a Motley Cru song, which is perhaps the epitome of utter cool...



Surely the run of form would end here? No. Instead I got to work with Mark Denton again on some lovely looking Steam punk style Bulmer's adverts...





Towards the end of this year I crammed in some voiceover work, another Norwegian commercial, a film with Keith Chegwin, more Kirky, a short film and a national tour of the magical Hypothermia, one of the most challenging theatre roles I've ever had and, to be honest, a much needed return to treading the boards.

I'll leave you though with the full collection of vids I made for Gillette, which may be whoring of the highest order but they are funny as fuck and all made-up on the spot. Especially the one of me rapping. Here's to 2011 being even more awesome.

Kill Keith Filming Awaits

As mentioned previously, tomorrow I am filming for my next feature film entitled "Kill Keith" that stars Keith Chegwin (naturally) and a whole raft of classic British TV stars. It's a small role playing the investigating detective but it is always nice to asked and comes nicely before popping off on holiday to Aruba.

If no one out there knows who Keith Chegwin is, as may be the case with many non-Brit readers, this informative and amusing video should provide all you need to know about the man in question.



As always with these things, it is all kicking off at some ungodly hour, all the way out in Hayes, so it'll be early to rise for me before making my way out to Middlesex/West London borders. And I forgot to order more Nature Valley crunchy granolas bars (Canadian maple syrup flavour) from Tesco online. They make for a fine breakfast snacklet. Bugger. I may have to suffice with a sausage bap.

Now for some reason I am listening to a lot of Jimi Hendrix of late and this track keeps pulling me back to the play button over and over and over and over again.



I love the intense imagery of the crippled girl, stranded on the cusp of suicide as the golden space ship, which really didn't have to stop, sailed on by her. My mum got me into Hendrix and that particular verse always stayed with me as a child, haunted me as I tried to unpick what it meant. I'm still not sure but it is beautiful.

On on that note, I leave you with this:

Kirky, the HD Hunter! Part 3: Later with Jools Holland

Something for the weekend sir?

How about the third and final installment, for now, of Kirky, the HD Hunter?

Don't say I never treat you...

Kirky, the HD Hunter! Part 2: Being Human

This is what I made at the BBC part ruddy bloody two!

Things are going well for Kirky now, I am hoping that something will come of him, meetings are being set up and things are coming into place.

Here is a bit of background...

New Basford resident (and incapacity benefit claimant) Kirky has secured a job at the BBC, interviewing very important people who work behind the scenes at various top BBC shows, investigating the impact of High Definition upon their jobs. Kirky works in partnership with his housemate Dave, who operates the camera. Dave is on disability allowance, as he only has one arm after losing the other in the Falklands. Dave likes to collect shells. Both Kirky and Dave are big fans of television and also sound equipment, personal highlights are when the Free City of Danzig got television and the fact that the threshold of pain for sound in humans is 134db. Stun grenades operate at around 180db. 

Kirky, the HD Hunter! Part 1: Aardman Animations

This is what I made at the BBC.

This is the first part of my comedy creation Kirky and if you have BBC in HD, you should've already seen him in action, I know a few pals have. More episodes are on their way, I'll put them up when they're done and hopefully, this is only the beginning for Kirky from New Basford.

Daft Racist Moved His Comedy Gold...AND I FOUND THEM!

Following on from yesterday's post, I have managed to track "Arrylad" down, who has now changed his moniker to Lee B'stard and moved to the Hooligan Central YouTube channel, where he can be seen spouting his horse shit.

Textbook.

Highlights of the hilariously stupid short film are, aside from the delusion that America is watching and the anti-Communist twat is wearing a T-Shirt with Cuba on it...

"Okay, never been to America, okay, only people I know from America are on the Internet, okay."

"9/11, the most horrific thing that has ever happened in this world."

"I'm Islamophobic right, if I see somebody in a burqa, I have a fit, falling on the floor convulsing."

"It's not Islamophobic to not want your children to be blown up on a bus to school, right, or beheaded on the Internet, right."

"You Americans should be fucking ashamed of yourselves."

Here is the video in all it's glory:



And you can see what Dramatic Cat thinks about that...



Have a grand weekend.

Daft Racist Provides Inspiration For Possible Comedy Character

The bigoted twat pictured above is "Arrylad", a daft racist who, up until quite recently, had an unintentionally hilarious YouTube channel, where his expletive ridden rants against Jews, Blacks, Muslims, Marxists and Communists were available for all to see.

Unfortunately, as I blog, they have been withdrawn and the channel closed down, perhaps because he was providing so much amusement for normal folk and he got upset at this (the delusion that he speaks for some silent majority, rather than a bunch of daft racists), or for inciting racial hatred and being a hate-speech bigot, either way, it's a sad loss for satirical purposes as they had to be seen to be believed.

If you didn't catch them, the gist was, you were either with him or a nobhead. Simple as that.

The ignorant loon was an alleged spokesman for the incredibly funny English Defence League (defending England against whole heaps of stuff but mainly Muslims) and it's bastard and ever so slightly shit off-shoot, the Welsh Defence League.

I mean, nothing says patriotism like hiding your face behind a shoddy balaclava (why are this passionate racists so cowardly?), using a St. George’s flag as a tablecloth and plonking a cheap can of lager on it, right?

I briefly experimented with a character called Big Dave who was in the English Defence League and with this goon providing free material, I think it may definitely have legs.

Bumping into a Daft Racist

I can't believe it but I am working for the BBC.

After three lengthy auditions and much nail-biting I am taking my very own comedy creation, the legendary New Basford resident and top bloke Kirky (named after my great pal Kirky...I'm looking forward to seeing you bro!), onto your television sets.

I don't want to talk in too much detail just yet, or give too much away but yesterday was the first day of filming at BBC Television Centre. This was like a dream come true, pulling up to that famous building in a Jaguar (not mine, they had it come and pick me up) and gliding past security and onwards and upwards, deep into the bowels of the BBC to do my first day of filming there.

I remember standing in a corridor, waiting to go in and do my stuff outside of the studio we were filming in and had a real moment of "what the fuck I am doing here, how did I manage this?" before I heard action and was diving into what I do best.

The only downside, in what was a spectacular day in my life, was touching the BNP's uber-fuhrer Nick Griffin. I actually walked into him, or he walked into me, not sure which way round it was...it was all so quick. I was surprised because the fat, daft, one-eyed racist was moving at quite a pace for a big lad and was lurching far ahead of his burly minders and apparatchiks.

He kind of bounced off me, made his apologies, as did I...even instinct in an instant can bypass my loathing of bigots and scuttled off into a lift.

I discovered that my dressing room was right next to his and I thought about knocking on and having a chat with him but I thought better not cause a scene on my first day at the BBC.

Turned out he was there to do an interview for Radio 5 Live, which you can hear right here if you want to hear the daft racist blathering on.

What I've Been up to of Late Aside From Being Ill...

My recent relative lack of blogging is to be explained by the duel effects of possible PIG AIDS/Man Flu/a cold and a very busy start to 2010 work wise, with January bringing some eleven auditions and February already clocking up three and me working on two shoots in the last two weeks. Pretty awesome stuff and bodes well for the rest of 2010.

First I was off to Barcelona for yet another Italian commercial with the same company that made the IKEA one, which is seemingly going down a storm over there. This time I was with my good friend Martin Collins, as we worked our comedy double-act magic, which was a blast getting to film and work with a good pal and a Notts lad to boot with some serious comedy features...only downside was he gave me whatever vile lurgy he had.

Here is a smattering of images from Spain that capture some of the wonder without giving too much away...the spot is for SKY Italia.

Then, with a hardly a moment to catch me breath, I was off again to one of my favourite countries, Norway and Oslo to do yet another Norwegian commercial after the wicked time I had there when making the Keno (the Norwegian national lottery) spot; which in itself is a fine piece of art.

It really was a dream to be back in Norway and I had a bit of an epiphany in my hotel room, staring into the bathroom mirror and imagining myself many years ago and how this kind of job and amazing adventure would've seemed so far from my grasp and here it is, an everyday truth. What a blessing.

Either that or all the medication I was taking was effecting me.

The Keno ad I made previously was quite a big deal in Norway and I nearly didn't get this job, for Brilleland, because I am a bit of a known face amongst Norway's 4.7 million residents but thankfully, the gave the best man the job and I was back. I got recognised quite a bit when I went walk about in Oslo, which was odd and as I took in the freezing air and sights of Oslo it struck me just how weird a job I have.

The shoot itself was great fun and I reckon the opening sequence will be perfect for my showreel as I fall over a huge array of items before pulling myself together and...sit on some drumsticks.

Anyway, here are a few images from my time there and hopefully, in another two years, I'll get to go back again!

Normal blogging service is resumed!

Garry Cook...You Are a Ballbag Sir!

If you don't know, Garry Cook is the CEO of Manchester City, a man who was brought into the club by previous owner and vile criminal/human rights loather/ex-Prime Minister of Thailand: Thaksin Shinawatra. He has stayed on under the current dubious owners (please note the use of United in the companies name, clearly trying to leech some of the power of the one and only Manchester team): The Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment. He was behind the disgraceful sacking of Mark Hughes and the sideways move for his replacement Roberto Mancini.

In summary, the man is a ballbag.

So cast your minds back to the middle of January 2010, the first leg of the semi-final between United and City, thanks to two goals by footballing mercenary Carlos Tevez, the City scum take a slender 2-1 lead into the away leg.

Cue City CEO Garry Cook to run his mouth off thus...



27th January 2010 bought the second leg at Old Trafford, United crushed the collection of cash hungry players known as Manchester City (not a team by a very long shot) 3-1 and deny the scumbags a Wembley appearance...yet again.

I live for such moments.

Editor's Note:

Blogging is light at the moment due to illness and work, will tell all when safe to do so.


Peace.

What I Made When I Went to Milan...

You may recall when I went off to Milan at the start of December to do some acting and ended up saying something very rude by mistake and meeting the lovely and very talented Danny Alder.

Well, what we made was a very clever idea for an IKEA advert and here it is, I think it's grand and contains many magical moments of pure comedy gold, including my incredible Italian voiceover. Look out for the virals based on me and Danny's game of charades, if anyone who speaks Italian can please tell me what my guesses are, it would be much appreciated. Obviously, I understand Star Wars...

Enjoy.

Tory Muppet: Episode 2

In case you missed it, part 1 is right bloody here and part 2 is just below in all its wonderful YouTube glory, voiced by me and created and written by Internet legend and all round good egg, Tim Ireland.

Enjoy episode 2 and hopefully another will be on its way to you very soon...

Poles Apart: Done and Dusted, Perhaps Forever...

I'm back! Although not for too long, as I'm off to Milan this week to do some filming, so going to cram in a few blog posts and get this blog-show back on the road after the brief reprise of Poles Apart.

And where to start with Poles Apart?

Very much mixed emotions really, on one hand utterly wonderful to be back on stage, performing live rather than in recorded media, great to be getting laughs and making people think and theatre, for me, is where it is at. I just love connecting with a whole bunch of people in a room.

But I just feel that Poles Apart has run it's course, there is a threatened third and final reprise some time next year in fucking Shropshire of all places, which considering the voodoo that place has on me I doubt it'll be much fun. Plus, Mark and I's working relationship is not in the best of shape and there is a danger that it could bleed into our personal relationship, which would be frankly terrible and a cruel blow. I just feel that after working together since 1997 our time as a double-act has perhaps come to an end.

We did however discuss a new idea for a show where Mark and I run for parliament and I must confess, I am very keen on that but will it put too much strain on us and is that strain and unhappiness worth it, in order to make art? Maybe it is, maybe not...not too sure at the moment.

As for the show itself, we rehearsed briefly, the show coming back surprisingly quick and then developed the new material I had written about the BNP and bashed that into some kind of shape.

We then took it to the Lowry in Manchester and proceeded to sell out the venue and then have a cracking night with far too many highlights but the spontaneous applause Mark got for a some anti-racist thoughts and the Vietnamese couple on the front row getting some applause for being Vietnamese were real treats. It just felt so positive, so joyous, a room full of people coming together, what the show is all about really.

Then to London and the RichMix with a sense of dread, as London is notoriously hard to sell tickets in and the audiences can be tough and aloof. Well, the Friday night turned out to be even better than the Lowry, which we thought impossible, not only were the large audience up for it and engaged they were also willing to go wherever we took them, whether that be dark humour, silly visual gags or serious moments of reflection. It was a cracker! We also got given a category for our hard to categorise show: a comedy seminar. Brilliant!

The Saturday night, what could be the last Poles Apart ever, was a game of two halves really, not that the audience noticed I think (thankfully we sold well again) but we were a bit sloppy and lacking concentration in the first act and every time we clawed it back we let it slip again. We gave ourselves a kick up the arse in the interval and pushed hard in the second act to redeem ourselves and I think we did it, just wish we'd gave it our all in the first half and not been so cack-handed with the work; such moments in front of an audience are priceless, who knows when they'll next occur?

You'll be glad to know that no daft racists turned up, as I expected, because they are all deluded cowards, even though we made it onto a few far-right message boards and forums.

Lots of people turned up to support us, which I am very grateful for and would like to say thank you to everyone that helped promote the show and came to see us; we couldn't have done it without any of you.

Some bloggers have even written reviews, including Rog T with his thoughts, Ellie with hers and Rashbre with his and if anyone else chips in with some words do let me know so I can share it, whether it be good or bad.

And for now, that's it, until tomorrow that is...

Poles Apart: Rehearsals Commencing Soon

Well, here we are again, one more weekend at home before popping off to Manchester to rehearse Poles Apart.

I've spent most of this week either re-learning my lines (which has come surprisingly easily I am grateful to say), checking over the statistical details of the show (there is always a know-it-all in the audience), or writing new material.

Mark and I decided that it would be remiss of us to let the election of two British Nazi Party MEPs pass unmentioned in a show that is about immigration, especially as the BNP are so obsessed with immigration and race and fundamentally, upon close inspection, their policies and ideas are actually really quite amusing in a backward, oh my God did they really just say that, kind of way.

Although the downside of this was pouring over BNP policy and press releases to get a decent handle on their bizarre dogma (anyone for chain gangs to restore our coastal defences?) whilst trying to make jokes out of it, when it is already pretty ridiculous and poorly thought out in the first place.

Once written we then had to find a home for them in what is a pretty tight show but I think we've found good homes for the three BNP scenes, which are (not wanting to spoil anything for those coming to watch): a Nick Griffin musical medley, an insight into the night the BNP won two seats in the European Parliamentary Elections and finally, what happens when a Nazi tries to join the BNP.

Blogging will be light obviously over the coming week as I am deep into rehearsals but if you can, please do show your support for Poles Apart and come and see us in Manchester on the 26th November (which is nearly sold out I've been told) and London on the 27th and 28th November (which isn't, not yet anyway).

Do widzenia!

Poles Apart Redux

As some of you will already know, because I emailed you and you kindly publicised it on your blogs and websites, Poles Apart is being brought out of retirement after it's sell-out tour of the UK at the beginning of this year.

For an insight into the show from Blurred Clarity itself, check out this raft of posts that cover the last time we toured, the devising/rehearsal process and when the idea first popped up and our time in Poland.

And just in case you don't know, last year, sick and tired of the endless dirge of bigotry, lies and anti-Polish sentiment coming from the right-wing press, me and my mate Mark decided to go to Poland. We wanted to get a job; to put our money where our mouth is and garner a small taste of what it means to be an immigrant. We wanted to single-handedly reverse the Eastern European immigration trend.

So we got our CVs and covering letters translated (badly as it turned out) into Polish, put on our best interview clobber and made our way to Poland in a Vauxhall Astra.

We spent over two weeks as immigrants in Warsaw, ate a lot of lard and pigs feet and attempted to get any job we could, whether it be as a lift operator, a porn film star or a guttering and flues salesperson.

It was an amazing adventure that taught us much on the realities of life as an immigrant.

We eventually returned home and made a comedy show about our experiences that covers not only our time as economic migrants but documents the history of Poland, it’s 300 year relationship with the UK and the highly charged immigration debate in the UK.

The show contains Poland’s brightest new stand-up comedy star: Dariusz Drag, with jokes about Russians and Jews, a beginner’s guide to Polish culture, Political Correctness being wrestled to the floor and made to gag, the 1973 World Cup qualifier between England and Poland brought to life in front of your very eyes and Poland’s leading avant-garde theatre cooperative re-creating the invention of the Keroesne Lamp via interpative dance and extensive harmonica use.

Plus, Nick Griffin, avec eye patch, will be appearing to stroke his mandolin and sing his favourite ballad: “I’m Not Racist But…”

It’s on at The Lowry in Manchester on the 26th November at 7:45pm and the RichMix theatre in London on the 27th and 28th November at 7:30pm and if you've not had a chance to see me and Mark in action why not pop along and support us? It would be much appreciated and you do come, make sure you stick around after to make yourself known...if I don't know you already that is...

To wet your whistle, how about a few videos of our adventure and the show itself?


Poles Apart from Hard Graft Theatre on Vimeo.


Poles Apart Trailer from Andonis Anthony on Vimeo.

And if you're on that new fangled facebook thingy, get yourself in on the event group why don't ya?

FSA Talking Food Adverts

My latest advert has hit the small screen, it is for the Food Standards Agency and features me and another actor playing a variety of talking foodstuffs, including: a South London 'yout' sausage; a Geoffrey Boycott style grumpy potato; a very Nottingham slice of pepperoni pizza; a camp as Christmas salted nut; a very distressed fish finger and right here, you'll see me being a West Country dried apricot.


The shoot itself was a really fun day, we could play around with the script and the characters and although we were working in what looked like medieval torture devices to hold our heads in place, seeing my face superimposed onto a peanut is a real career highlight.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

I love this job!

Le Donk

Me and the good lady Eva-Jane are off out tonight, after some tuna pesto pasta, to catch Shane Meadows' latest movie "Le Donk" which stars the legendary Paddy Considine and promises to be a right laugh; as it follows the adventures of a hapless Nottingham rapper (you heard) and his failing rodie/manager: Le Donk.

It was made in just 5 days and rightly so The Guardian is wondering why Hollywood, for example, can't make more things in a short period of time, considering the quality of this movie.

We'll keep you posted as to how grand it was but in the mean time, check out Le Donk's break dancing video and swoon at the moves...

Meet Tory Muppet...

No, not that one and no idea how he got into this blog post but another one, a proper Tory Muppet, who is based over at the Conservative Change Channel (a channel I urge you to subscribe to and to keep abreast of at all times) and who has even been known to Twitter!

Tory Muppet is the product of the fertile imagination of Tim Ireland, with script by Jamie Sport and voiced by yours truly.

First episode is below...enjoy!

Kept Hidden For Almost Two Decades and Forced to Bear Children

*next time I read the news must remember to use punctuation and to take a breath*

*next time I sum up the news must not make a slip of the tongue and accuse teachers of striking over urine*

THIS IS THE NEWS!

Perspirex

I have a confession to make.

I am a sweater, a heavy sweater.

Thus, I was excited to hear of a new anti-sweat product called Perspirex and as I was early to teach acting out in North London I popped into a chemist to get some.

The chemist was packed but I strolled to the counter and enquired if they had any Perspirex for me to purchase, the assistant looked at me as if I were mad and made me repeat the product name a few times, he then asked what it was for.

So, in a packed chemist, I started to explain that it stops heavy sweating, from which I suffer and as he was hard of hearing, he kept getting me to repeat what it was for; his friendly mate then came out and got me to repeat the whole story all over again before the original shop assistant, who by now was on a computer looking it up, made me spell it out so that I ended up shouting in the busy store:

"PERSPIRE! AS IN SWEATING! AS IN HEAVY SWEATING!"

Eventually he found it and with a little whoop of joy shouted out "PERSPIREX!" and proceeded to exclaim that it is a roll-on that stops heavy sweating.

It turns out they didn't have any.

Thank God I didn't have thrush.