Bill Shorten is talking up the underdog. Malcolm Turnbull is quietly confident of victory. Sound familiar?
Footy fever has taken over Parliament House, turning pollies into punters, dredging up surprising allegiances and bridging the partisan divide in the spirit of finals season.
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Who the pollies are picking
Our politicians aren't just political rivals but footy foes too. Find out who is picking which team in this weekend's grand finals.
For long-suffering fans of the Western Bulldogs, who have gone 55 years without seeing a grand final, the stakes are higher than a leadership spill.
"It has taken over the whole town," says Labor's Tim Watts, a mad Dogs supporter who has turned his Footscray office into a shrine of red, white and blue.
Watts admits he'll always wear the ignominy of switching footy teams, having backed the Brisbane Bears back in his Queensland days. So will his Labor compatriot Terri Butler, who grew up in Cairns supporting Carlton before joining the Dogs in 1997 while she was dating a fan.
"I've seen them lose in Launceston, I've seen them lose in Adelaide, I've seen them lose in Brisbane, I've seen them lose in Sydney, I've seen them lose in Melbourne," she says with trademark jadedness. "I have followed that team around the country and watched them lose."
A bit of shape-shifting isn't unusual for politicians. The Prime Minister hails from rugby-obsessed Sydney, played fourth grade at Sydney University and has been outspoken in his support for the Roosters (famously mistaking them for the Swans). But these days he maintains AFL is "the most exciting football code ... it is the leaping, jumping, flying game, where the big men fly, as they say".
Turnbull will show up to both finals where, if tradition is respected, he will be booed mercilessly by the crowds. He assures he is backing his hometown Swans, having recently told the United Nations General Assembly all about star defender and Sudanese refugee Aliir Aliir, who was sadly ruled out of the final with a knee injury.
Watching on from Gippsland will be Infrastructure Minister Darren Chester, who is also supporting the Swans. "I'm probably the only one in Victoria," he concedes. "I'm an old South Melbourne fan."
Shorten, meanwhile, is tipping the Bulldogs by two goals and the Melbourne Storm for a win in the NRL. "My wife Chloe barracks for the Dogs and my two bulldogs wouldn't talk to me if I didn't," he says.
The Labor leader has his own chequered football history, once accused by a Labor mate of switching from South Melbourne to the Collingwood Magpies. It's a claim he vehemently denies, for the record, insisting he has been "Proudly Pies since 1982".
Former prime minister Julia Gillard, an avid Bulldogs fan and a former number one ticket holder, is overseas and will miss the historic match but promised to follow it closely.
One pollie who could never be accused of heresy is Treasurer Scott Morrison, whose beloved Cronulla Sharks are in with a shot at their first premiership after making their first decider since 1997.
"We don't want to hex it or spook," the number one ticket holder says. "I've issued the challenge: black, white and blue sausages from our Shire butchers by the end of the week."
And for all the confected fandom that can seem to afflict football when it meets politics, finals season can be a great bridge between politicians and their constituents.
"It's one of the ironies about being an MP," says Watts, while on his way to construct banners at Footscray North Primary. "The things that people value most about their community are the things people don't do for financial reward."
Let's go sharks
— Scott Morrison (@ScottMorrisonMP) 20 September 2013
Some things can't go uncorrected - Proudly Pies since 1982 after my dad's beloved Bloods moved north. @theage never even bothered to ask me!
— Bill Shorten (@billshortenmp) June 19, 2015
If you're backing the Swans on Saturday, evaluate your life choices #bemorebulldog pic.twitter.com/3jYY3H0j0P
— Tim Watts MP (@TimWattsMP) September 28, 2016
Two teams of the West contend but there can only be one winner. So glad to see @westernbulldogs win through. Wow! - JG
— Julia Gillard (@JuliaGillard) September 24, 2016
Yay from the other side of the world! #RedWhite&Blue; #bemorebulldog #BeenWaitingaLONGtimeForThis pic.twitter.com/vxtXuztFxO
— Janet Rice (@janet_rice) September 24, 2016
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