When there are concerns for a child’s safety and wellbeing, sometimes they need to be placed in the care of someone outside of their family. Fortunately there are almost 2,000 volunteer foster carers in Victoria who are willing to open their hearts and homes to care for them.
However, more than 300 additional foster carers are needed this year in Victoria alone to provide a safe and happy home for those children and young people.
Many people seriously consider becoming a foster carer but often don’t understand the great things that come with the role. Not only do foster carers make a real difference in the lives of children and young people, there are a myriad of positives for the carer, for the carer’s family and for the community as a whole.
We spoke with Helen Fox, a sole parent and foster carer, about being a foster carer and why she’s still caring for children after 30 years.
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You can make a difference
For Helen, knowing that you can make a difference has been key to her continuing with foster care. By providing a safe and nurturing environment, she has seen results and positive change in her foster children within days of their arrival. There is an aspect of hard work, and some of the children need more support due to their histories of trauma, but that comes with the territory.
For Helen, it is a joy to see children return to their parents’ care calmer and happier than when they arrived.
Seeing those small positive changes reaffirms why Helen keeps fostering – she knows she is a making a difference. “You want to foster because you want to help children”.
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It has shaped her biological children’s outlook on life in a profoundly positive way
Helen has four children of her own, two sons and two daughters. They have always been surrounded by children of all ages so ‘they have learnt to accept so many different things’. All of her children understood at quite a young age that not all children come from safe and stable homes. This understanding has helped to develop a deep compassion, tolerance and empathy for others.
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The human connections are deep and enduring
Helen has two foster children that still call her Mum and they’ve been home with their biological parents for nine years.
“I’m Granny to one of their children,” she says.
Helen maintains contact with many parents after the children have returned home. One of her previous foster children who has settled back in to her home life will come to stay for a weekend, and is considered a family friend now.
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There is always an element of surprise
Helen loves the anticipation of a new child coming into her care. There is an element of surprise around who might arrive: “I still get the butterflies in my belly when the phone rings…when you’re waiting for a placement.”
Helen has learnt to ‘expect the unexpected’, which is part of why she loves it.
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It brings energy and excitement into your home life
The changing faces in the house have meant that all members of the family have learnt to be adaptable to often changing circumstances; the result is easy-going, open-minded children. When she was married, her husband, a truck driver, used to joke about going away to work for a few days and on his return he’d say ‘hang on when I left I said goodbye to Lisa, and now this one’s Kelly’.
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Fostering shines a light on how diverse the world that we live in really is
Children in care come from a range of cultural, social and economic backgrounds and there is great diversity in the caring community as well. Carers come from all walks of life and as a carer, you interact with people you may never encounter in your day-to-day life. There are carers in same-sex relationships, single carers (both men and women), sole parent carers, carers that work part time, those that work full time and juggle a career with their foster caring commitments, Aboriginal carers and carers from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
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The agency support is amazing and has helped Helen be a better parent and carer
Part of the support offered by foster care agencies is ongoing training and education. Helen has been able to use what she has learnt in these sessions over the years, while parenting her own children. Particularly regarding discipline; being given strategies that are best practice and seeing positive outcomes from using these strategies has been a real benefit to all of the children in her care.
But beyond the education and training, you also work alongside a foster care agency support worker. This is someone to provide confidential support, advice and information. The aim is to find someone who works well and happily collaborates with the carer.
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The sense of community that foster carers have is not like any other
There are almost 2,000 active foster carers in Victoria. This represents a mix of carers providing support across emergency, short term, respite and long term placements. The carers are bound by a shared commitment to providing care for children who most need it. While that comes with its trials, there is always someone to support you through the challenges.
Foster care agencies also facilitate organised networks of carers. Helen is part of a formal ‘buddy system’, where the agency pairs new carers up with more experienced carers so there is informal support available.
Helen says, “You ring a new carer, introduce yourself and say to them ‘if you have any problems you don’t think you can handle, or are worried about calling in after hours, just ring me and I’ll walk you through it’…two of my buddies that I’ve had are my friends now; I’m no longer a buddy, I’m a friend.”
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Most biological parents appreciate what you do, and they value your opinion
When parents and foster carers are united by a shared vision for the child, amazing collaborative relationships can form, and children benefit enormously. Helen has experienced this collaboration first hand and says that when this relationship works it is a great thing for everyone involved.
Helen has also been a volunteer at the local hospital and has seen the heartbreak that parents go through when their child is removed, so having this understanding has allowed her to empathise with the loss that parent’s experience.
“You’ve got to put yourself in their shoes and think about how would I like to be treated if somebody else had my children?”
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It’s not a lifelong commitment
When you become a foster carer you can specify the length and type of care you provide. You can offer respite for another carer over a weekend, or look after a child for a few weeks, months or years. It can be a lifetime commitment (if that is what you choose) but it’s important that people understand that “you’re not fostering to keep them, you’re fostering to get them back home”.
If you’d like to find out more about becoming a foster carer, visit fosteringconnections.com.au or call
1800 013 088