I really wanna share the story my sister Carla told me about how she first met Calle, way back in the day. There was a bogus self-defense class at the long-defunct community center, taught by a dude-bro. Legend has it this guy was only doing it as part of his 200 hours of community service for some unknown offense. He regularly taunted his students of color, especially the females, and one of the girls in the class told Calle about him.
One night, Calle signed up for an “introductory lesson.” Here’s how Carla remembers that experience…
DISS TO
INT. SELF-DEFENSE CLASS AT THE CENTER—NIGHT
We see DANNY, the self-defense teacher, standing in front of a class of STUDENTS. With his bulky frame and pinched, mean white face, Danny looks like he could be a future Trump supporter. Yeah, he’d be right at home chanting: “Build that wall!”
Most of his students are between 16 and 20, but there is a sprinkling of others—ranging in age from 35 to 50. All the students are either black or Hispanic except for three WHITE GIRLS, one of whom is CARLA
Towards the back of the class, we see a real NERD. As the CAMERA PULLS CLOSER, we see that the “nerd” is Calle, dressed in a baggy gi and white belt, wearing Elvis Costello glasses fixed with tape. Her body language is timid and her eyes dart back and forth like someone who is very uncomfortable with herself and her surroundings.
CARLA
(V/O)
Danny started each class by yelling:
DANNY
Who’s my first victim?
CARLA
(V/O)
Then he’d pick one of us.
DANNY
I want you!
PEDRO, the 14-year-old boy Danny has pointed at, meekly stands and approaches the front of the room.
PEDRO
Yes, Danny.
DANNY
(slaps him on head)
Sensei! Call me Sensei!
PEDRO
Yes, Sensei.
CARLA
(V/O)
Everyone had to call him Sensei and if you didn’t, he got extra rough with you.
Danny demonstrates a few rudimentary wrist locks and arm holds by twisting Pedro around like a human Gumby doll. The boy’s pained expression brings fury to Calle’s eyes. A MURMUR of Spanish voices buzzes through the class.
DANNY
Hey, I ain’t your case manager so speak English. You’re in America!
Danny’s students cringe as he lets go of Pedro, allowing him to drop painfully onto the mat.
DANNY
(sneering)
You Puerto Ricans give up too easy.
PEDRO
I’m not Puerto Rican, I’m from Guatemala.
DANNY
Whatever. . . (under his breath) you’re all spics to me.
CARLA
(V/O)
I always wished someone would put him in his place.
DANNY
(sadistically)
Who’s my next victim?
CARLA
(V/O)
With the practiced eye of a bully, Danny scanned the class and zeroed in on the new girl, the nerd hiding in the back.
DANNY
Hey four-eyes, I want you!
CALLE
(still whispery)
M-m-m-eeeee?
DANNY
Yeah, get your sweet lil’ ass up here, sen-your-REE-tah.
Calle adjusts her glasses, struggles to her feet, and makes her way towards the front of the class avoiding eye contact with anyone. With each step of her left foot, we hear a palpable but undefined CHING sound. Just before she reaches Danny, Calle stumbles a bit, bringing a laugh from her unsuspecting classmates.
CALLE
Yes, sir?
DANNY
(half-inch from Calle’s face)
SENSEI!!!!!!!!!!
Calle cringes convincingly from the verbal onslaught.
DANNY
(to class)
Okay, morons, this is what a takedown looks like.
Starting from a position facing Calle, Danny awkwardly places his right foot behind Calle’s right foot and WHAM—he sends Calle onto her ass with a LOUD THUD. All the students cringe.
DANNY
(creepy smirk)
Hey four-eyes, you look pretty hot all sprawled out down there.
Super proud of himself, Danny allows his gaze to leave Calle as he smirks at the rest of the students.
CARLA
(V/O)
Danny took his eyes off Calle and the next thing he knew, he was horizontal, four feet off the ground, about to land flat on his back. Leg sweep. BAM! That had to hurt.
Calle springs to her feet like a jungle cat as Danny slowly but angrily struggles to get himself upright. She takes off her gi top and fake glasses and stares daggers at him.
DANNY
(still on the floor)
You sneaky spic!
CALLE
(on fire)
Get up, Sen-SAY, (beat) I feel like dancing.
Danny shivers ever-so-slightly. No one else in the room appears cold.
CARLA
(V/O)
With that, Calle turned to us and winked. She’s a teenage girl about to fight a grown man in front of a class full of people but she took time to wink at us before making him stain red! What followed was the utter mortification of a mutant piece of shit named Danny. Using tactics designed more to taunt than hurt, Calle defended herself and the honor of her people with an unforgettable exhibition. Trust me, we all went wild.
Finally, when Danny can no longer withstand the physical and psychological abuse, he remains prone on the mat: eyes bulging in shock and fear as he begs for mercy.
DANNY
Okay, okay, I’ll do anything, just please stop, you crazy bitch. I can’t take any more.
CALLE
(standing over her vanquished foe)
There’s something I want you to do.
DANNY
Anything! Anything! What is it?
CALLE
Apologize to the class.
DANNY
What?
Calle grabs his wrist and twists it into a position that spells P-A-I-N.
DANNY
Okay, okay! I’m sorry, everyone.
CALLE
Sorry for what?
DANNY
Um…for being too rough?
CARLA
(V/O)
Calle twisted harder and Danny howled in agony. I thought she might break his wrist. The room was electric. We were witnessing a scene that seemed impossible just a few minutes beforehand.
CALLE
I realize you’re a mutant, Sen-SAY, but you can’t possibly be this dense, can you? Now, repeat after me, for starters: I’m sorry I just maligned you with a misogynistic slur.
DANNY
I’m sorry I just, um, mm-lined you a misgenisist slur.
CALLE
(rolls eyes)
Now, to the class: I’m sorry for being a pathetic creep.
DANNY
I’m sorry for being a pathetic creep.
CALLE
I’m sorry for exploiting my white male privilege.
DANNY
I’m sorry for exploiting my white male privilege.
CALLE
I promise to treat you all with the respect you deserve (beat) especially the girls.
DANNY
I promise to treat you all with the respect you deserve. (Calle’s twists harder) Especially the girls! Especially the girls!
Calle releases Danny, her eyes like hot coals as she continues to glare at him while gathering up her stuff and moving towards the door. The students CHEER madly and, to Calle’s surprise, the entire class also gathers their stuff and follows her from the self-defense room CHANTING “Viva Latino!” with a “Stain red!” HEARD here and there in the mix.
It’s all enough to shake the windows and rattle the walls.
In the Center’s hallway, a YOUNG WOMAN pops her head out from another room to see what all the commotion is about.
YOUNG WOMAN
What’s with all the noise?
FEMALE STUDENT
(in Spanish)
Praise the goddesses, we’ve just been saved!
DISS TO