"She's hanging onto one of the Willie Miller brothers!"

Found in a secondhand bookshop in Brooklyn Heights.

The Manhattan Rangers Supporters Club take time out to audition for Tony Scott's remake of The Warriors

On the day of his greatest triumph, Andy Murray takes time out to reflect

'I bet the bastards still think I'm Irish.'

Gregory's Girl (1981)

What would Terry and Bob do? (this time)

Bastards. The horn of a dilemma.

Celtic are scheduled to lose to R*ngers tomorrow morning, thus losing the SPL title in all but name, and I was contemplating making the trip through to Manhattan to experience the misery first hand via a Setanta big screen.

But now I've discovered that the Fox Soccer Channel have plans to replay the game in its entirety on Sunday evening 7pm (ET). Could I really go 30 hours without knowing the result? Do I really want to put myself through that much potential pain, when the real pain with regards to Celtic is watching them fuck it up live via satellite?

On the other hand, do I really want to have the same experience as last time of some Irish bloke screaming in my ear for about hour about what a shower of orange c*nts the Rangers players are? (Trust me, it loses it comedic charm after about 37 minutes.)

I need to think about this one.

"Um, I think the old country is that way."

I've got the surname, the colouring and even the Microdisney mp3s but, for all that, I couldn't bring myself to do the plastic paddy bit today.

Maybe I'm off the Murphys, or maybe it's due to the fact that for 364 days of the year my accent is mistaken for Irish in a country where 91% of the population claims Irish ancestry.

Whatever the reason: March 17th is my day for remaining sober, stumm and sarcastic. Have an appropriate mp3 to sample:

Eric Bogle - 'Plastic Paddy' mp3

More info on the brilliant Mr Bogle here.

Sláinte Pog ma thon.

Why I (nearly) resigned from the Celtic Supporters Club

I'm sorely tempted. If there was only a retro version along the lines of Toffs.

Brooklyn Half Irish

I know that he can be an acquired taste - "Shouldn't he be Irish?" - Kara, Brooklyn NY 6/10/06 - but I caught a brilliant performance by Billy Bragg Thursday night/Friday morning on the 'Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson'. Performing on electric guitar - with accompaniment from Ian McLagan on piano - he played a reworded version of 'Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards' as part of his promotional tour to plug his book, 'The Progressive Patriot', and Volume II of his 'Billy Bragg' boxset.

As it is one of my favourite songs* of his, I thought I would reproduce below the reworded lyrics** from last night's perfomance. I know that Bragg is a dyed in the wool reformist, and the editorial committee of the Socialist Standard would no doubt use up a box of red pens, going through the lyric line by line, but the fact remains that he is one of the best songwriters of the last twenty years and I'll give kudos to anyone who takes the time out to heckle from the stage the Ashbourne Court Group, like he did a few years back when he was performing at the Tolpuddle Martyrs Festival.

And on the subject of acquired tastes and all things Irish, I was in my natural state of cringing embarrassment when watching the risible Craig Ferguson - one upon a time the Dennis Leary to Gerry Sadowitz's Bill Hicks - but it was especially excruciating the other night when, at the end of the perfomance from Bragg, he swept up to Billy to gladhand him with the words: "Billy, it's always a pleasure", only to turn around as an afterthought to Ian McLagan, and mumble "Thanks Mate" as if he was some sort of nobody. That would be THE Ian McLagan, the bloke who played keyboards on 'Itchycoo Park', 'All or Nothing', 'Maggie May', and 'You're Wear It Well', amongst countless other bona fide classics.

Christ, it's 'cos of Craig that I tell people in the States that I'm Irish.

* Other favoured songs of Bragg include 'Levi Stubbs Tears', 'Greetings to the New Brunette', 'She's Got A New Spell', 'Valentine's Day is Over', 'Accident Waiting to Happen', 'Body of Water' & his version of 'The Red Flag' with Dick Gaughan.

**An earlier alternative version of 'Waiting For The President Elect'', performed at The Bottom Line, New York on 01/01/01, can be found here.

UPDATE

Some kind soul on has posted a clip of the performance on YouTube.

'WAITING FOR THE GREAT LEAP FORWARDS

(Alternative version performed on 'The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson', Los Angeles, 5/10/06).

It may have been Camelot for Jack and Jacqueline
But on the Hugo Chavez highway filling up with gasoline

Little Donald Rumsfield spies a rich lady who's crying

Over luxury's disappointment, so he goes over and he's trying

To sympathise with her but he thinks that he should warn her

To prepare to be bombed back into the Stone Age

In the former Soviet Union the citizens demand

To know why they are still the target of Strategic Air Command

And they shake their fists in anger and respectfully suggest

We take the money from our missiles and spend them on our hospitals instead (yeah)

The Cold War now is over but the stakes are getting higher

I'm frightened of collateral damage and of friendly fire

And I don't think we can defeat no Axis of Evil

By putting 'smart bombs' in the hands of dumb people

Mixing Pop and Politics they ask me what the use is

I offer them my acupuncturist and massueuses

While looking down the corridor

Out to where my ego is waiting

I'm looking for the New World Order (yeah)

Jumble sales are organised, all my mates got fat

Even after all this time you know you can still send me a fax

You can be active with the activists or sleeping with the media

While you're waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

Oh, one leap forward, two leaps back

Will YouTube give MTV the sack?

Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

Well here comes the future and you can't run from it

If you've got a website I want to be on it

Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

In a perfect world we'd all sing in tune

But this is reality not American Idol

Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards (yeah)

So join the struggle while you may

The Revolution's just an ethical haircut away

When you're waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

Words & Music : Billy Bragg