By Jim Bright
Apparently, 80 per cent of success is showing up, according to Woody Allen. Obviously he never met a cover-my-arse leader. In fact, when the heat in the kitchen rises, most of us have a hard time meeting one of these famously inquiry-shy breed. For they live in fear of bodies such as the Independent Commission against Corruption (ICAC) and other forms of inquiry and accountability in Australia.
They can be defined by their aversion to taking the blame for absolutely anything. They all display the syndrome that reflects both their nemesis and their preoccupation – ICAC – I Cover Arse Compulsively.
Dragging an ICAC leader by their locks to courts of accountability may leave one with no more than a fistful of blow-dried air.Credit: AP
ICAC leaders will show up to the opening of a tin of beans, but when their plans fail to amount to pile of legumes, or turn to a dirty shade of custard, they are as accessible as a census on census night. Masters of the slow bicycle race, where those that arrive first are losers, ICAC leaders are as likely to show up as Mr Allen at the Oscars.
The no-show is not their only tool of the trade. As Ministers for Funny Walks, they are easy to spot with their heel-dragging ambulation. Often sporting hair with roots as mysterious and obfuscated as Donald Trump's, even trying to drag them by their locks to courts of accountability may leave one with no more than a fistful of blow-dried air.
All ICAC leaders have a ticket for working in confined spaces. No matter how tight the spot, like the old lady's spider, they wriggle and jiggle and wiggle to defy her (and all associated entities that for the elimination of doubt shall include notwithstanding pre-existing exclusions and future exclusions not covered in the first part under applicable laws, entities defined under the relevant codes, regulations, statutory instruments and other entities as deemed to be entities, existing or otherwise at any time).
ICAC leaders know the rules, and they know where the gaps exist. They have a more effective escape clause than a startled cat.
ICAC leaders are dispiriting to work for. By their actions, they encourage ICAC behaviour right down the chain. Under the guise of accountability, they sow the seeds of a dense forest of that poison ivy that is "you were told/ informed/ warned" and of course "I was not told/ informed or warned". Responsibility is defined as somebody else's problem, because regretfully Miss Otis will not be dining at the taking responsibility table today. The equation is simple. You take responsibility, and I will take whatever credit is going.
The ICAC culture is one of fear. It discourages innovation and risk taking. It is leadership by avoiding failure at all costs. The result is a slow death by paperwork chock full of disclaimers, warning signs, notifications and signed off permissions.
Walk the high wire if you want to, but you should know that the safety net has been raised well above your high wire to sit right underneath such leaders. Indeed the safety net has been upgraded into a panic room, into which the ICAC leaders can retreat at the first sign of a threat.
I personally have experienced and continue to experience some inspirational and brave leaders. However, I am sad to say, I think I am one of the increasingly few lucky ones. Maybe Woody has met a few ICACs in his time, after all he said: "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
Jim Bright is professor of career education and development at ACU and owns Bright and Associates. Email opinion@jimbright.com. Follow @DrJimBright.