Last Sunday morning, see, a Kiwi bloke is walking along Wai Kikamoocow beach when he comes upon a curiously shaped lamp. Picking it up he gives it a rub and out comes a genie!
"I am the genie of the lamp," says the genie in a heavy old Persian accent, "and I can grant you one wish."
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Bledisloe misery continues for Wallabies
The Wallabies will have to wait another 12 months for a chance to get their hands on the Bledisloe Cup after the All Blacks overpowered Australia 29-9 in Wellington.
Straight away, the Kiwi bloke says, "I want to live forever".
"Can't do that," says the Genie, "it's against Genie rules. You'll have to choose again."
The Kiwi thinks for a moment, then says, "I want to live until the Wallabies next win the Bledisloe Cup".
The Genie glares, raises his right eyebrow and says, "Smart bastard, eh?"
Indeed. For when will it ever be ours again? There are people driving on Sydney roads as we speak, with no memory of the Wallabies holding the Bledisloe high in triumph! And, truly, no prospect of it happening any time soon. If they're gay, the probability is they'll likely have the chance to MARRY – I know, Alabama has it, but we don't, so don't get me started –  before we get the Bledisloe back!
Now, having posited last week that the way forward for Australian rugby is to get stuck in for the long haul and resuscitate the grassroots, might I say a word on the Test match specifics? Bearing in mind, of course, that I have no pretence at understanding the finer points of the game better than anyone else?
![Up they go: New Zealand's Sam Whitelock competes at the lineout against Wallabies forward Adam Coleman at Westpac ...](/web/20160903120011im_/http://www.canberratimes.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/5/o/w/b/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gr5oqe.png/1472627360074.jpg)
But I do, by Gawd, get the basics.Â
And first and foremost, I understand that in Tests, if you can't win your own ball in the lineouts, 19Â times out of 20, then it is akin to wanting to win Wimbledon when you can't really serve; hoping to win the Melbourne Cup, on a donkey. And yet, in that second Test, on no fewer than four occasions the Wallabies lost our throw-in, just so we could unleash those deadly All Blacks backs one more time!
![Going for a steal: Kieran Read takes the ball in the lineout during the second Bledisloe Test.](/web/20160903120011im_/http://www.canberratimes.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/5/o/w/e/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gr5oqe.png/1472627360074.jpg)
Four times! And it happened four times in the first Test in Sydney, too. Meanwhile, across both Tests the All Blacks won the ball every time they threw it in. Now, leaving aside why Dave Dennis wasn't picked when he is the best lineout jumper we've got and it was obvious we were always going to be up against it, I have another question. When the long lineouts just aren't working, where was Plan B?
In myyyyyyyy day, Plan B was a two-man lineout, that, when properly organised was an absolute fail-safe way of getting the ball, even against bigger men. We've now gone through two Tests with a failed Plan A, and I have seen no sign of a Plan B?
I don't get that.
And here's another thing.
Despite everything, on Saturday night, at half-time, the Wallabies were still in with a show, only down 15-9. There was a chance, just a chance, of a miracle, perhaps an intercept, or two, to get our blokes over the line for a fabulous victory.
And then we had our kick-off. It didn't go 10 metres! All Blacks scrum, their put-in. Cue the black storm, crashing on our shores once more, in our half, instead of us crashing on their shores, in their half, the way it was meant to be if the ball had gone 10 metres!
Is it me – and it might be – or is it unbelievable, at this level for that mistake to be at that time? Is it like a surgeon leaving her scalpel inside a patient after an operation; an air-traffic controller getting runway 1 and runway 2 mixed up; an architect that doesn't have a ruler?
I don't get that.
I know, I know, everyone can make mistakes. But that mistake was consistent with another five or six kicking errors when our blokes kicked for the line, but didn't put it out!
Cue the black storm, crashing on our shores once more.
I don't get that.
I know that the rugby game has moved on, that the type of rugby I played is no doubt primitive compared to the sophistication and complexity of the kind of game they play now.
But what am I missing? If we can't get those BASICS right, how can we possibly presume to even think of lifting the Bledisloe once more?
Call me simple, call me a Neanderthal, but I'm telling you, Jean-Genie, I just don't get that
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz
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