Dear 13-year-old Jo,
Right now, you think the world has ended. Your best friend, Lina, has stopped talking to you for no reason and even though you've begged her to tell you why she just gives you the silent treatment and goes off with Amy at lunch and you're left on your own trying not to cry in the back of the library. I know. It is devastating. It's a baffling and bruising pain that you will remember at strange times over the next 30 years, and you'll be sad for that little girl who just wanted to be accepted and approved of and loved.
![A lesson from Jo Stanley to her younger self: 'You will never be happy if you compare yourself to other people'.](/web/20160901204109im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/5/r/i/q/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gr5qn1.png/1472686578005.jpg)
The great news is that while Lina will come around, you don't need her. Tania is your true BFF (QUICK, go spread that turn of phrase, you'll be the first by 10 years and be LEGENDARY!!). With Tania, you'll laugh like you've never laughed before, cry without shame, dance and sing and – well, I'll leave it up to you to live the next few decades hanging out with Tan. I'm envious you have that ahead of you. I'd relive it all in a heartbeat.
I must give you these little titbits, though, as a future version of you who has finally managed to get good hair (hang in there – it gets better).
![Jo Stanley as a 13-year-old.](/web/20160901204109im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/6/1/j/d/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.gr5qn1.png/1472686578005.jpg)
First, it doesn't matter how you argue it, Andrew is not the cool one in Wham! Stop insisting on it. Possibly that's why Lina's gone cold (just saying).
Second, you and Simon Le Bon DO have a special connection. Right now, he's just a poster on your wall and the winner of your Spunkiest Hunk of 1985 Award. In about 23 years, you will interview him and he will look deep into your eyes and tell you that you're beautiful and it won't be a surprise because you knew it was meant to be.
Third, I know all you want in the whole wide world is a bubble skirt and your mum won't buy one for you and everyone in your year has one and you could just die from the shame of it. But here's a lesson that I wish wish WISH I had learned at your age, and not be still struggling to master now. You will never be happy if you compare yourself to other people.
You haven't had the easiest of starts in life. Your dad died, your mum has been sad and single and struggling to make ends meet. You feel lonely often and can't quite work out where you belong. The magical knowledge, though, is that everyone else feels this too. Everyone else has that voice in their head saying they're no good. Everyone else is hiding the same pain.
![Jo Stanley.](/web/20160901204109im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/1/3/i/y/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.gr5qn1.png/1472686578005.jpg)
So stop focusing on what others seem to have that you don't. You have everything you need inside of you – kindness, humour, intelligence and tenacity. Allow those qualities to replace the self-doubt and fear that follow you everywhere you go. Be brave and curious. Laugh lots and listen carefully. Make the choices that are right for you, and always speak your mind. Make mistakes. Never forget, you alone are enough. And I love you.
With all of my heart,
43-year-old Jo
P.S. Just because I can, let me ease your mind: you will grow boobs, you will get a boyfriend, and yes, you will get a bubble skirt. You'll be 37 and it will be for an 80s bad taste party, but it's never too late for dreams to come true.
This letter by Jo Stanley appears in a new book called Letter to My Teenage Self, edited by Grace Halphen published by Affirm Press, http://affirmpress.com.au/publishing/letter-to-my-teenage-self/ All proceeds from the book go to The Reach Foundation.
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