Sexual healing
Sex advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders. Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
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Even though he would do anything to make me climax, I don’t get turned on enough
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Is it OK to refuse to answer or lie – or should I always tell the truth? I’m a sexually active woman in my mid-20s
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He’s insecure and says he ejaculates too quickly, and I think he’s depressed. I’m trying to support him, but I’m frequently away for work
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He only kisses me when he ‘sleep sexes’
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He enjoys it but I just lie there wishing it was over. Am I wrong to feel that way?
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We have a good sex life, but it’s hopeless when my wife wants me on top
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We have introduced toys to arouse him, but he now says I am making it all about me
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I was brought up when homosexuality was against the law, and was traumatised by a dread of Aids in the 80s. How can I overcome this fear?
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While my partner hasn’t rejected me, she feels feet are inherently unhygienic and won’t let me worship her as I would like. Are there any ways I can change her mind?
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After experiencing an intense sex life, when we experimented with toys and had sexy weekends away, the thrill has gone
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I have never reached orgasm, and I avoided sexual intercourse in my last relationship. Is anxiety to blame?
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I was sexually abused as a child and now my partner and I are in therapy, which has left me feeling very frustrated
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She enjoys sex, but never orgasms from it, which leaves me feeling unsatisfied
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I enjoy being sexually assertive, but want to feel passion from him
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I feel devastated by her physical rejection of me and have tried to get her to talk about it or go to see a counsellor, but she refuses
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I rarely had oppportunities to be dominant and now my boyfriend wants me to be. Trouble is, I am just so bad at it
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I used to be quite proud of being sexually assertive, and found it exciting, but now the repetition has become boring
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Since puberty I have had fantasies that horrify and dismay me: rape, bondage and other worrying things. Should I get help?
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He doesn’t come as often as I do during sex, and is stressed at work – might his night-time orgasms be related to this?
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I’ve just been diagnosed and I don’t know what to expect in the future
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I’m having plenty of fun, but I really hope for commitment and a partner
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I’m worried it is damaging my sex drive and that of my partner
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We are in our 40s and have children, but our sex life is nonexistent. I’ve been patient, and the only person I want is her
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Now that we’re married, I won’t talk dirty, and my husband has a low sex drive. Was it it the illicit conversation that really turned him on?
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Health anxieties and depression have affected our relationship so much that I’m worried we will become permanently celibate
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My stress is caused by lack of intimacy, and that in turn leads to him further losing interest. What can I do to break the cycle?
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Desire, arousal and pain: psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly answers the questions most commonly asked by readers of the Sexual Healing column
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My husband has a very low sex drive and is angry that I want to talk about it. Pamela Stephenson Connolly advises
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I felt it during a ferocious cold snap; there was no question of removing winter garb, but now no intimate encounter has meaning without mentally replaying that night
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A trauma in his past means he is terrified that I will get pregnant, but I’m desperate. I can’t go on without sex. Pamela Stephenson Connolly advises
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She is so sensitive that she finds even foreplay too much. Is this a medical issue, or is there something we can do differently?
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I have always been able to use a vibrator to make me orgasm, but now, though I get close, it just doesn’t happen
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The results are visually spectacular, but they feel different and I’m scared of hurting her during sex
I haven’t had sex with my wife for eight years and I’m becoming obsessed