Washington: Donald Trump is very laid back, revealing his afflictions for all to see. But that Clinton woman - whoa, blimey and bloody hell, how good is she at pretending all is well when we know she's crook as well as being crooked?
Apart from being the most unpopular candidates to face off for the presidency, these two also are the oldest: he's 70; she's 68.
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Hillary Clinton opens pickle jar
The Democrat nominee shows off her presidential stamina after continued speculation over her health from Donald Trump.
One of the American campaign traditions, locked in by the ageing candidacy of Ronald Reagan in 1980, is that candidates be honest with the people – though the GOP's John McCain opted to bore them to death, releasing more than 1000 pages of his medical history in 2008.
But Trump and Clinton have opted for a show of the contempt that characterises this campaign – she has released just a couple of pages of her medical history; he has released a couple of paragraphs.
Clinton's did contain some useful information – she had hypothyroidism, a condition that can cause fatigue because the thyroid doesn't produce the correct quantities of a hormone that controls the body's metabolism; and she takes a blood thinner to guard against blood clots – following a fainting incident four years ago in which she suffered a concussion and temporary double vision.
Typical of someone who shreds her emails, sits on her speeches and refuses to hold press conferences, Clinton batted back a demand by Trump that she release more detail, arguing that he should release as much information as she had released.
So it goes without saying that American voters are indebted to Trump's spokespeople and surrogates who, with their brilliant medical qualifications are fearless in sharing the diagnoses they arrived at while showering this morning; as are his nitwit gallery in the media and in the blogosphere – none of whom dares to write before reading their coffee grounds.
Consider this from Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson last week: Clinton suffers dysphasia – a language disorder revealed by difficulty in speaking and sometimes in comprehension brought on by, wouldn't you know it, by some kind of damage or disease to the brain.
![What illness do the sunglasses hide? The internet wants to know.](/web/20160826080155im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/q/z/y/1/g/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gqzyq6.png/1472017991520.jpg)
Pierson's diagnosis was supported by a Fox News medical correspondent who went further, arguing that Clinton had suffered "some kind of traumatic brain injury or the after-effects of concussion".
Here then, in no particular order, are some of the other ailments they'd have us believe render Hillary Clinton unfit for the Oval Office –
![Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is the target of furious speculation.](/web/20160826080155im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/q/z/y/0/s/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gqzyq6.png/1472017991520.jpg)
- She has brain cancer;
- You can tell she has heart disease because of the defibrillator she hides under her jackets;
- She has Multiple Sclerosis;
- She's not fit – is suffering obesity, diabetes and hypertension, all of which have been deduced "on the dimensions of her posterior and the girth of her ankles";
- Pharmaceutical executive Martin Shkreli says that, based on her bizarre behaviour in a video, Clinton clearly is suffering Parkinson's disease;
- That long bathroom break she took during one of the primary debates was a cover for what a law enforcement source said were health issues stemming from a previous brain injury prompting an unnamed neurologist to diagnose post-concussion syndrome, which "can severely impact her cognitive abilities";
- She's suffering radiation poisoning as a result of visiting Japan after the Fukushima nuclear disaster;
- While we weren't looking, she has had multiple convulsions that appear to be seizures while cameras have been recording;
- She recently had a breakdown on TV – "obviously a sign of head injury and stroke";
- Clinton has tongue cancer – as a result of which part of her tongue has been removed;
- She might also be suffering a urinary tract infection.
But they're missing the real story – Clinton has an 11th toe. Here's how The New York Times' Frank Bruni addressed the cover-up of the Democratic candidate's freakish, disqualifying digit: "Have you watched her walk? Look closely. She wobbles a bit, or maybe it's more of a teeter, combined with a lurch, and the likeliest cause is podiatric asymmetry.
![Notice the way she holds the handrail?](/web/20160826080155im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/q/z/y/1/d/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gqzyq6.png/1472017991520.jpg)
"I consulted foot specialists. At least they referred to themselves that way online, and when I assured them that an interview with me could be their springboard to [Fox News'] Sean Hannity, they opened up.
"'Does Hillary Clinton have a superfluous toe?' I asked one of them.
"'I can't definitively rule that out,' he said.
"'Hillary Clinton: Hobbled and hiding it?' I asked the other, who agreed that 'until she permits a thorough examination of her feet — and I mean both of them — how can we be sure?'"