This bullet to the head didn't work...
What the fuck happened?
Laying on the cold stretcher.
In a white room.
Strapped down...
Faced down...
Losing the joy of movement...
Struggling physically and mentally...
Trying to break the chains that bind me...
My cries for help go unheard (as always)
As it echoes through the black halls...
But evryone else has passed their expiration date...
Grateful to see this beautiful ocean
Burdened by all the things to come
Believe me honey I always had the notion
To let things fall down one by one
Walkin' the streets of New Orleans
Lookin' to get my fortune told
I pass a lady who seemed to be crazy
She said, “Baby, your eyes are much too old”
And, “Your soul is like a river, it just don't know how to flow”
And, “Your love is like a river, it don't know where to go”
Honey I am not quite finished forgiving
It's only been a year
And I would like to sing my song
Without having to shed another tear
But I still stumble down the alleys of Decatur
And it's like a washing flood
I'm still searchin', searchin' for my savior
I look up, and it's you, in the place of the sun
And your soul is like a river, it just don't know how to flow
Your love is like a river, it don't know where to go.
Grateful to see this beautiful ocean
Burdened by all the things to come
Believe me honey I've always had the notion
To let things fall down
And your love, like the fall
You said, it is a fair weathered friend
And my love, like the fall
Just don't know, it just don't know when to end
So it ends this thing you found in me
Story sends those words that have abandoned me
Life pretends, in a way, you grounded me
So now I send my love through a song
As I sit, I stare into a sky filled with wonder
Like the kind we both plundered in the night
Life is framed by posters of things we are most fond of
If I had a poster to hang it would be of you
So here we go our separate ways
How your eyes, oh how they sway
Now I'll try to smile at strangers
As they pass us on our way
Here we go
Goodbye my sweet illusion
Illuminated by a dream
Without words, without confusion
This transfusion is some kind of thing
And here we go, our separate ways
How your eyes, oh how they sway
Now I'll try to smile at strangers
As they pass us on our way
Here we go
How your eyes
It's so early in the morning, about a quarter till
three
I'm sittin' here talkin' with my baby
Over cigarettes and coffee, now
I would like to tell you that, Darling I've been so
satisfied
Honey since I met you, Baby since I've met you
All the places I've been around, and all the good
looking boys I've met
They just don't seem to fit in, Knowing this is
particularly sad, yeah
But it seemed so natural, darling, that you and I are
here
Just talking over cigarettes and drinking coffee
And my whole heart cries out
Love at last I've found you
And honey won't you let me, just let me
Build my whole life around you
And how complete, how complete my whole life would be
If you would take things under consideration
And walk down this aisle with me
I would love it, yeah
It's so early in the morning
It's a quarter till three
We're sittin' here talkin'
Over cigarettes and drinking coffee, now, lord
And would like to tell you, well
I've known nothing but good old joy
Since I met you,
Honey since I've met you
I would love to have another drink of coffee, now
And please, darling, help me smoke just one more
cigarette
I don't want no cream and sugar, because I've got you
Just help me enjoy this good time that we'll have
It's so early, so early in the morning
So early, so early in the morning
And I've got you
And you've got me
And we'll have each other
Yesterdays
Yesterdays
Days I knew as happy sweet
Sequestered days
Olden days
Golden days
Days of mad romance and love
Then gay youth was mine
Truth was mine
Joyous free in flame and life
Then sooth was mine
Sad am I
Glad am I
For today I'm dreamin' of
Yesterdays
Yesterdays
Yesterdays
Days I knew as happy sweet
Sequestered days
Olden days
Golden days
Days of mad romance and love
For then gay youth was mine
Truth was mine
Joyous free in flame and life
Then sooth was mine
Sad am I
Glad am I
For today I'm dreamin' of
I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you come rain or come shine
High as a mountain and deep as a river come rain or come shine
I guess when you met me it was just one of those things
But don't ever bet me cause I'm gonna be true if you let me
You're gonna love me like nobody's loved me come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together and wont it be fine?
Days may be cloudy or sunny, we're in or were out of the money
But I'm with you always, I'm with you rain or shine
I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you come rain or come shine
High as a mountain deep as a river come rain or come shine
I guess when you met me it was just one of those things
But don't ever bet me cause I'm gonna be true if you let me
You're gonna love me like nobody's loved me come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together and wont it be fine?
Days may be cloudy or sunny
we're in or were out of the money
Oh, and I'm with you always, I'm with you
Wish I could hear you out of my good ear
Never was much for peace and quiet dear
But I've walked the line every time like a good girl should
Until then the weight of those days made a difficult play
When you left for good
So now this bag of bones I've been known to carry
This bag of bones has gotten way too heavy
She was such a beautiful girl
With her Shirley Temple curls and mischievous eyes
But oh, I'm afraid we will never know from that faded look in her smile
It's such a shame, such a shame, such a shame,
how pictures can sometimes lie
So now this bag of bones I've been known to carry
This bag of bones has gotten way to heavy
All we have are pictures from the day when she was loved
Someone knows her deeply and holds the secrets I'd like to be privy of
But no one is left who remembers that girl
With her Shirley Temple curls and mischievous smile
Only my dreams piece together the scenes of a life she once had
Goodbye my sweet Judith Ann
All the things she signified have been buried since she died
Goodbye my sweet Judith Anne
This next stop is mine, and I'm travelling light
It was early in the mornin', I heard a rooster crow for days
It was early in the mornin', I heard a rooster crow for days
I looked out my window and saw my baby walk away
I thought "Lord, please stop him, ain't gonna get drunk no more"
I thought "Lord, please stop him, ain't gonna get drunk no more"
I hollered out my window, "Come back baby please don't go"
I know he heard me callin', he looked back and waved his hand
I know he heard me callin', he looked back and waved his hand
I could hear him tell his momma, "That's one no good woman!"
Well, I watched my baby leave, his momma had him by the hand
Well, I watched my baby leave, his momma had him by the hand
It brings a tear into my eyes
When I begin to realize,
That I've cried so much,
Since you've been gone,
I guess I'll drown in my own tears
I sit and cry just like a child
My pouring tears are runnin' wild
If you don't think you'll be home soon
I guess I'll drown in my own tears
I know it's true that into each life
some rain, rain must pour
I'm so blue here without you
It keeps raining more and more
Why can't you just come on home
Oh yes so I won't be all alone
if you don't think you'll be home soon
I guess I'll drown in my own tears
Drown in my own tears
Don't make me
Drown in my own tears
I'm in trouble, baby
Help me now, help me now
Oh, don't make me drown
Molly be damned smote Jimmy the Harp
With a horrid little pistol and a lariat
goin' to the bottom, goin' down the drain
Said she wasn't big enough to carry it
She got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
She got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
She got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
She got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
Choppity chop goes the axe in the woods
You gotta meet me by the fall down tree
Shovel of dirt upon a coffin lid
And I know they'll come lookin for me boys
And I know they'll come a-lookin for me
You got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
You got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
Get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
You got to get behind the Mule
In the morning and plow
Big Jack Earl was 8'1
He stood in the road and he cried
He couldn't make her love him
Couldn't make her stay
But tell the good Lord that he tried
Now, tell the good Lord that he tried
(Chorus)
Dusty trail from Atchison to Placerville
On the wreck of the Weaverville stage
Beaula fired on Beatty for a lemonade
I was stirring my brandy with a nail boys
Stirring my brandy with a nail
(Chorus)
Punctuated birds on the power line
In a Studebaker with the Birdie Joe Joaks
I'm diggin' all the way to China with a silver spoon
while the hangman fumbles with the noose, boys
the hangman fumbles with the noose
Ring them bells, you heathen
From the city that dreams,
Ring them bells from the sanctuaries
Cross the valleys and streams,
For they're deep and they're wide
And the world's on its side
And time is running backwards
And so is the bride.
Ring them bells St. Peter
Where the four winds blow,
Ring them bells with an iron hand
So the people will know.
Oh it's rush hour now
on the wheel and the plow
And the sun is going down
Upon the sacred cow.
Ring them bells Sweet Martha,
For the poor man's son,
Ring them bells so the world will know
That God is one.
Oh the shepherd is asleep
where the willows weep
And the mountains are filled
With lost sheep.
Ring them bells for the blind and the deaf,
Ring them bells for all of us who are left,
Ring them bells for the chosen few
Who will judge the many when the game is through.
Ring them bells, for the time that flies,
For the child that cries
When innocence dies.
Ring them bells St. Catherine
From the top of the room,
Ring them from the fortress
For the lilies that bloom.
Oh the lines are long
And the fighting is strong
And they're breaking down the distance
The broken home on this street Haunts me, It always hurts to see, For this is where I began to bleed,
Never did I understand why it happens, The Horrid nights, The infinite cries, With no end in sight, The heavy touch, The rose stained floors,
Never have I felt, Such emotional pain, That brought along physical torture, Asking myself why, Without Reason, Without feeling,
A foul scent, That permeates the air, Revisiting a familiar scene, To shame a life, Removing their only seed, Never been fed, Disposed by loved ones, Left for dead...
Breathing in, This so called air, Living, Is something I cant bare, Repeating routines, Life is unfair, Viewing the obscene, That cant be repaired,
Having to conform in order to survive, As it becomes painful to stay alive, Losing the will to continue to strive, Hoping that my end will soon arrive,
Tell Me How Worthless I Am... I Need To Know... Because...You Were All That Mattered.. For filth is what we turn too... Once the world..finally comes to an end... You took it all from me...
There I was...
Breathing in the pain,
Even before birth
I was long dead,
I entered this world with a void in my heart,
A void that could never be filled,
So many broken promises,
Accompanied by hurtful memories,
Never to feel the tears of relief,
And so Begins, Another battle, Between life and death, Struggling to stray away, From the Temptation, Will this night be another separation? Trembling from this confliction. Will there be nothing left?
Feeling more and more lifeless during each session, Trapped by my own fixation, The addicting overdose injection, I remember everything...
Cut me, Reopen my wounds, Pour your salty touch, Watch me scream, I beg you to stop,
Your words cut me Slashing my skin And crushing my bones Until I am nothing Beneath you Reduced to Dust,
You said you always cared, But when i looked back, You where never there, Just a gun and a knife, Giving me a warming stare,
The savior enters the room, And promises serenity for all eternity, Where this will take you, you shall no longer feel, I Promise you...
The illusion of safety, masked by the gloves of healing, I hold the key to your well being, Trust in me, Believe in me, I will save you...
An unknown entity welcoming itself to me, Re locks the shackles of pain, My heart is numb, My mind is clear, You saved me...
It holds you with cold arms, Losing sight of all that is real, Without even noticing, Without even caring, I don't want this to end...
My tears... That flow through my face
My scars... That bleed endlessly...
Down my skin...
Infected...
By the compost heat...
Called life...
Remembering.
All those.
Times where things seems OK.
People always say you cant dwell on the past...
But yet they don't realize.
That the past makes you who you are now.
The suns rays that newer seem to get cold.
As it burns and pierces through my.
Open wounds.
That never seem to heal...
Over these years I've come to realize
That there is no heaven
There is no hell...
There is no spiritual thing that can save me from myself...
Its so easy to lie yourself.
And say that life is good...
Until you finally open your eyes
And see the total destruction...
Happening before you...
The great depression...
The great pain...
The everyone suffers from sooner or later.
Each day passes by slower and slower, Rotting little by little, Agony and suffering is all I know, Am I meant to commit suicide? The more and more i realize, In the end nothing really matters, You can have a happy life with nothing wrong, Sounds more of like a Fantasy to me, Happiness doesn't last, Depression and Negativity will always triumph,
I hate my father for what he did to her that night
I hate my mother for what she let out of her body
I hate them for what they created
I hate life, you hate life
You hate being here, you hate being one of us
Another weak mind, stuck to the decease called love
Stuck in it's poisonous, safe arms, you're decieved
You hate life, i hate life
After nine months it was too late
I entered, with open eyes I inhaled the filth called air
Hand in hand with my lungs they kept me alive
I hate life, you hate life
With dead eyes you watched her smile
It brought you life, she died
Isn't it beautiful?
I Know It's better deep down in the ground
Then to stand here and listen to your hurtful
Sounds. Why would you ever leave me on this
Cold floor to bleed away everything we stood
For. You were my last great hope...
Now I ask you, why?
I thought you were my only friend but now
That we have reached our lonely end. Now
I see the dagger is in my back and I didn't
See it coming. The times I've bled don't you
Remember when the snow turned red back in
December. I loved you more than any other
I would have given my life for you but it
Seems that you have taken it from me...
Why my friend? How did we end this?
Answer me my friend, why?
The darkness sets so as I say my last words.
They won't be ones of hate, when you see
My corpse you will realize your mistake, don't
Withered weed in a base
Old wooden table
Remembers
The days of fame
Cold is the way
Paying with pain
Like thousands
Of useless coins
That rings in my pocket
Morning rises
And i dream to have ability
To keep my eyes closed
Just when sun stops
Hating all my dark dreams
Withered weeds in a base
I remember those days
When the smell of fresh flowers
Was you hair
Those moments
All to give back
With tears and destruction
Of a flesh
I smell the evening
Feeling cutting through me
As the red light on
Heart broken. cut me till my
Wounds reopen. Hate me till
Your heart turns black. Love me
For the piece of shit scum I am.
Let this circle of rage grow within
You. I want you to hate me. I
Want to be unwanted. Seems
Like that's all I ever receive from
This disgusting human fucking race.
All you humans are the same. All
Talk but cant walk. Your hatred
Is my remedy. It's what still keeps
Me alive. It's only benefiting me
More and more. This whole world
Is shit. You will never know what
It feels to be unloved. You will
Never know! You are nothing.
We are nothing. Your family
Is nothing. Your thoughts are
Together we stay,
Together we die,
For there is no tomorrow,
No sunrise that will shine.
These days seem cold,
Feeling lifeless,
Felling hopeless...
Please,
Just take me away.
Take me away,
Take me away...
All I've done is suffer,
And fell the knife of life,
Stab me on my back.
Making it's mark on my skin.
There's no reason for me
To be here. So please, just
Take me away.
Take me away.
A torture chamber.....
Slow and painful.....
I scream and scream some more....
But no one hears.....
Isolated in a cold chamber.....
These steel rusty bars drenched in my own blood...
I am the disease that kills life...
I see a black hole moving towards me.....
Is it my time?
I see my uselesss rotten body from afar...
Its finally over....
And still these emotions follow me...
My Suffering continues...
I see things i once loved.....
Not caring of my non existing soul.....
I see someone moving on.....
Not even shedding a single tear....
Of my death....
I see another person.....
Being the better person.....
Comforting the other.....
making that person forget.....
Who once brought happiness.....
Open these bleeding valves
Devour this world with my filth
Pollute the air you breathe
Pollute your eyes so you can see,
The reality of what this world has
Become, this is the last sunrise.
So enjoy this false happiness,
Because the is no tomorrow.
No tomorrow, Slit your final
Vein, close your eyes, this is your
Last day, make the most of it.
Don't be scared, don't be sad.
You were at your peak and you
Lived your life. You served your
Purpose. Death is calling your name
Let me lead you, just follow me.
I'm the voice in your head that's
Telling you...
Down again!
Here alone,the hidden wounds
No more here,i am gone
Down Im Again
Lost,Gray and Cold
Im suffering, waiting you..
Embracing the false hope.
Fuck you, i am gone
There is no way to came out
Absolute suffering
Deep in my Heart
I am lost, lost in blood
I wander alone,wishpering unto you
Night that wept, and returns again
My fallen, specimen
No, not you!
Any feeling is gone, Now!
Traveling on endless tunnels
Im lost in every corner
Down! False!
How i wish you were here.
Returning and returning to nowhere
Watch me, and touch me, and feel the cold skin
Now! i failed again, i am bloodsoaked
For i have lost my mind
Alone and Cold
Here i am, really?
All is dead, ther´s only breathing wounds
Night returns again, and take my hand
Leading to salvation,
Salvation trough pain
Everything seems so distant!
Why?
So i am alone now,
but thats not something new
Since i have failed, my skin is dead
Once again....im left alone to rot...
This will never change...
I find myself lost in a world of pain...
I have become beyond depressed...
Beyond anger....
Beyond emotions....
Beyond everything....
Almost to the point of numbness....
Ccreaming myself to sleep each night...
Unable to think straight anymore....
Hating this life more and more...
Wanting it to be over already....
I lost everything i had...
I lost the will to live...
I lost myself in Depression...
I lost my emotions...
They are running wild...
I cannot control myself...
Trying to find a gun....
A razorblade wont work....
Iet me put an end to this..
Once and for all...
Why continue on Contemplating..
Wether to live or die...
Why not just end it already..
Why not just waste this pathetic life..
That was already wasted to begin with..
The gun is ready to kill..
I walk up to the one person who once cared for me...
Who once thought i was important....
Who once said that i was their everything...
Who once told me that i was something special...
But those words seem useless now that she has moved
on...
With someone else...
Were they lies?
Or was there actual meaning and pure emotion behind
it...
Either way..it doesnt matter anymore...
It is over...
The one person I once had in my arms...
Is now at the bear hands of life....
I point the gun towards my head..
Staring straight into her eyes...
Tears falling down my face...
Bleeding all over...
And with my last breath...
I say to you...
This emptiness I feel inside,
This void I cannot fill,
What do you do when everything is lost,
When the one thing that mattered is gone,
Everyday gets slower,
Just pull the trigger on the gun,
Stab the knife into my heart,
Why suffer any longer?
Why prolong the pain?
Truth is as long as I know there's a chance,
Even in the slightest...
That one thought,
That one hope of being in your arms again,
Is what keeps me going,
It's me clinging onto this worthless life,
Clingig onto a chance of happiness,
A chance at feeling like in something,
After everything....It still doesnt matter...
After all of my sacrifices....It still doesnt change....
Time just repeats itself....
Or At least it feels like it....
You can try to make things perfect.....
But youre better off climbing the endless staircase....
Things that are meant to be broken.....can never be
fixed....
The more time you waste...the more it hurts....
But instead you keep going.....
The indenial stage can be very powerful....
As powerful as any drug that causes conflict to the
mind....
It's finally over....
Nothing left to live for...
Staring at the pool of razorblades....
As it invites you more and more towards it......
Our time has come. This is were time stops.
This is where everything turns black.
Where everything ends, and everything
begins. I know I wont be missed.
I know, I know...
Don't pretend that you will.
I'm tired of all these lies, I'm tired of
my helpless cries, so don't try to stop me
from pulling this trigger. Let me have this
one moment, to have rejuvinate myself and
get rid of the dirty stench that I placed
on this earth (Me). No bullet can
accomplish this task, I never trusted
the weapons that were created by man.
Ther is no life after death. But before I go,
Let me watch look through the infinite trees.
Let me dance to the snowstorm and sing along
with the winds as i reach for the sky. My
tears can't stop flowing, everyone says to let
go of the past, so I jumped off the mountain
that I once stood still on, watching myself fall
Let me close my Eyes and never wake up. I am
finally letting go, I am finally going to stop
breathing. Hearing his voice in my head saying.
Let it go, let it go, you have lost it all, you
have done it all, this journy is finally over.
All that I can hear are my own screams....
But no one listens.....
I slit my wrists.....
a cry for help....
But no one cares.....
Feeling alone with nothing to hold onto....
No shoulder to cry on.....
No one to run to....
These endless tears continue to shed......
To a point where nothing but blood descends from my
eyelids.....
I still wait for my death to finally come....
I cant breathe...
This overwhelming depression that i hold....
Will never leave me....
It will forever huant me with my temporary states of
Euphoria...
These days seem to go by slower and slower...
Darkness all around,
Not able to foresee,
The torture and bleak future,
That awaits me,
No one to care for you,
No one wanting you,
Like trash,
We all get disposed of,
If not now then later,
The path I'm on has no end,
Countless beatings,
Countless catastrophes,
So much blood,
Make it stop,
Even after all the wars I've fought,
I am unable to wash my hands,
For this stain,
Will always remain,
In my life,
Wich is full of strife,
Take a look, In my eyes, Take a walk in my shoes, And see Why I am this way,
Watch as your life starts to fall apart, Watch as your life begins to decay, This forest was once full of life, Flames begin to ignite, Watch it all get destroyed, What was once beautiful has become ugly, This is my world, And I cant get out...
A familiar house I enter, Viewing a staircase... That leads to a tragic scene, A room thats lit by unseen stars,
Peaking through an a jared door, A heavy head being supported by soft hands, Reliving the moment of them caressing my scars
Feeling the illusion of rejuvenation, Seeing the tears that I used to dry from your face, Falling..
He enters... Makes her forget the past, As a lifetime of sinful lust pours onto her, Two bodies become one, Witnessing every breath taking moment, Never ending...
Heavy breathing, This numbing feeling, Choking from a dry throat, Accompanied by tears my world is crashing down... Dying from within...
Defeated by life, that's what I am
It's something more than just being the loser,
It's looking more at your target, at life
Through a bulletproof glass
Your efforts to break it are all vain
And forever will be.
Hitting you enemy so hard, until your fist bleed
But nothing will change
As soon as you entered the competition,
You already knew that everything is worthless
All your strength and efforts thrown away
While a bitter laugh is echoing in your head.
And there is nothing you could do to stop it
And this is the supposed great circle of life?
I think not!
Motionless, hopeless
Apathy is your god now
Sometimes you love and praise it
Sometimes you're afraid of it
But when daylight is reaching you tired body
Again
Ghosts disappear, just for a second
You're feeling competitive and full of strength
While you blind eyes are ready to observe another defeat
We live
We Die
Its all part of life
This is our reality
That we cannot deny
Why does it have tobe this way.
Is there no light in darkness?
Every breath i take.
Pollutes and posions my lung
This decrepit air.
Is there no escape to this?
Its so thick
I cant breathe..
Please make it stop..
I dont want tosuffer anymore..
I just want to be left alone...
To Die....
Because thats the truth about life..
We are Born alone...
I thought you were everything, I thought you were the one... But once again I'm still blind, By the fake mask of life. Again I felt for its trap, ...
