Trilithic Pictures present The Fatalist TRANSCRIPT: RADIO DJ: Okay, Joe calls this the funniest tiny story in months, at least weeks, probably months. It's very subtle, if you are not paying attention, you might not get the irony here. Pennsylvania State police say.... DICK: Yeah. SAM: You ready to go over this? DICK: Ready as I'll ever be. SAM: You feeling okay Dick. DICK: It's been all around a pretty horrible day. SAM: Ever think about taking a day off? If not for you, how about Stacey. Past tragedy. She needs you right now. DICK: I'm going to say this once Sam and then we are going to drop it. The guilt I feel does not go away. As far as Stacey is concerned, I failed there too. EARL: Anybody here? Hello? Charles? (phone ringing) EARL: Hello? Charles, Lyle sent me. CHARLES: What the hell? STEVE SAMPSON (over answering machine speaker): This is Steve with ItList.com. We had to pull your classified ad and actually disable your account due to violation of our terms of service. Have a nice day. (gunshot) DICK: Yeah. FRANK: Sorry to interrupt. Some nutjob put out an ad offering to have someone come over and snuff him. SAM: We can handle this, don't worry about this crap today. DICK: Stop stroking me Sam. What kind of operation lets a fool do this? FRANK: It's a web classified. Some guy down at the lab found it. Standard euthanasia fare. Five grand for the job. Payment is supposed to be in a bear in the closet. SAM: I hope it's the stuffed variety. DICK: Get a couple cars down there and check on this guy. Get back to me. FRANK: Iris and I will go personally. DICK: And yank that ad. SAM: We'll take care of it right now. DICK: Let's go for zero suicides people. EARL: Things have gotten messy. Call me back and be quick. Sorry about the nose sleeping beauty. CHARLES: Why are you doing this? EARL: As I was saying before you charged me, I'm here answering an ad you supposedly put out. CHARLES: I didn't put up any ad. EARL: An ad asking to be put out of your personal misery, your issues. CHARLES: What issues? Man, honestly, does it look like I know what you're fucking talking about? EARL: Honestly Chuck. It doesn't. So I'm going to go to your bathroom and get myself cleaned up and then I'll be out of here. Sit tight. CHARLES: Yeah, it won't be soon enough asshole! EARL: You my friend are a stupid cocksucker. (phone ringing) EARL: Lyle this guy doesn't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't know why I'm here. What the fuck did I just tell you. He doesn't know... I'll look but if it's not there I'm leaving. You need to get a doctor lined up for me. CHARLES: You are going to untie me before you leave, right? EARL: Change of plan Chuck. I gotta look at your closet before I can do that. CHARLES: Why are you? Hey, stay the fuck out of my closet. You have no right. It's private business. My own fucking private business. Do you hear me? EARL: Jesus Christ. CHARLES: Oh man. What did that little fucker leave you? EARL: Charles you have one sick turn of mind. CHARLES: You can go fuck yourself. I'm going to pull your internals out through your asshole. (knock) IRIS: Police! CHARLES: Do it. Do it before its too late. I don't want to go to jail. No! FRANK: Sounded like just cause to me. IRIS: Open it. FRANK: God damn it. CHARLIE: I appologize. DICK: So what's the tale as far you make of it? IRIS: The DOA we think was here to fulfill that posted ads wish. FRANK: We got his cell phone we're checking it. IRIS: Some struggle then went down. DOA gets shot. That's the advert's author over there with the medic, he was tied in that chair. Hasn't told us squat he just keeps repeating... CHARLIE: I appologize. FRANK: We can tell you he's two clowns shy of a circus this one. DICK: Because of this? IRIS: We can't tell. Neighbors say as far as they knew he was a pretty normal guy, but now he's acting like this. FRANK: Also there's the photographs we mentioned. SAM: Dick, you better have a look at this. Sorry Dick. DICK: Everybody outside. SAM: You heard him. Everybody out. Now. No, Leave him. Out. Let's go. IRIS: Sam. What the fuck is going on? FRANK: Iris, something's up beyond our depths. IRIS: This isn't like him. He's not a vigilante. Not even with this type of shit. SAM: Shut it. You have no idea of what you fucking speak. DICK: You did this? You took these? Asshole. Those are you? CHARLIE: I apologize. DICK: You are not fucking forgiven. CHARLIE: Will you stop him? DICK: Tell me. Tell me and you'll find out. (gunshot)

• published: 20 May 2012
• views: 1923