Wiseman

The Inn Keeper (2010)

Actors: Mike Farah (producer), Drew Droege (actor), Brett Gelman (actor), Lauren Palmigiano (director), Christin Trogan (producer), Mike Rose (actor), Will Beckstein (miscellaneous crew), Sam Trammell (actor), Sam Varela (miscellaneous crew), Nicol Paone (actress), Erin Foley (writer), Erin Foley (actress), Bruce Daniels (actor), Matt Jones (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Short,

The Inn Keeper (2010)

Actors: Mike Farah (producer), Drew Droege (actor), Brett Gelman (actor), Lauren Palmigiano (director), Christin Trogan (producer), Mike Rose (actor), Will Beckstein (miscellaneous crew), Sam Trammell (actor), Sam Varela (miscellaneous crew), Nicol Paone (actress), Erin Foley (writer), Erin Foley (actress), Bruce Daniels (actor), Matt Jones (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Short,

Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular (2007)

Actors: Michael Dempsey (producer), Flavor Flav (actor), Vicki Lawrence (actress), George Wallace (actor), Jim Breuer (actor), George Wendt (actor), Katt Williams (actor), Jim Breuer (actor), Penn Jillette (actor), Jay Johnston (actor), Jamie Kennedy (actor), Kid Rock (actor), Larry the Cable Guy (actor), Larry the Cable Guy (producer), Jeffrey Ross (actor),

Genres: Comedy,

Quotes:

Mama: I always wondered where Santa got that phrase 'ho ho ho' from, then I saw his wife.

Tom Cruise impersonator: My name is Tom and I'm a Scientologist.::Larry: Everybody sit down, this could take a while... I'm not sure I even know what a scientologist is.::Tom Cruise impersonator: Scientology is the most famous religion in the world, and it was founded by a science fiction writer and if that's not enough, John Travolta is one of us.::Larry: You expect me to put a figure in this picture of a religion based on Star Wars and Danny Bobbarino? Let me know when the Mothership arrives and the aliens come.

Larry: [asked to put a Buddhist figure in his nativity scene] Are there any buddhists in the audience tonight? How about that fat guy in the diaper? [a sumo wrestler comes on stage] Holy Lord, don't eat the sheep.

Larry: Miss Shania Twain! [the shepherd removes its costume to reveal Mama]::Mama: Hit it boys!::Larry: Wait a minute, where's Shania? [sees on the screen, Shania tied up, about Mama] Shania Twain, looks more like Mark Twain.

Larry: The 3 wise men, at midnight they turn back into janitors.

Army of Darkness (1992)

Actors: Dino De Laurentiis (producer), Robert G. Tapert (producer), Bridget Fonda (actress), Ted Raimi (actor), David Pollison (actor), Bruce Campbell (producer), Ted Raimi (actor), Bruce Campbell (actor), William Lustig (actor), Bill Moseley (actor), Ted Raimi (actor), Sam Raimi (actor), Ian Abercrombie (actor), Joseph LoDuca (composer), Sam Raimi (writer),

Plot: In this sequel to the Evil Dead films, a discount-store employee ("Name's Ash. Housewares.") is time-warped to a medieval castle beset by monstrous forces. Initially mistaken for an enemy, he is soon revealed as the prophecised savior who can quest for the Necronomicon, a book which can dispel the evil. Unfortunately, he screws up the magic words while collecting the tome, and releases an army of skeletons, led by his own Deadite counterpart. What follows is a thrilling, yet tongue-in-cheek battle between Ash's 20th Century tactics and the minions of darkness.

Keywords: 12-gauge-shotgun, 1300s, 14th-century, 1990s, 20th-century, absurd-violence, action-hero, actor-playing-multiple-roles, alternate-ending, alternate-version
Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Horror,
Taglines: He's a 20th century guy, trapped in the middle ages. Foretold by a mystical book. Forewarned by a wiseman. Fulfilled by a wise guy. Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas 1 Man, 1 Million dead, The odds are just about even. They move. They breathe. They suck. Sound the trumpets, Raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile How can you destroy an army that's already dead? In an age of darkness. At a time of evil. When the world needed a hero. What it got was him.

Quotes:

Old Woman: I'll swallow your soul!::Ash: Come get some.

Sheila: You found me beautiful once...::Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

Ash: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.::Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?::Ash: Name's Ash.::[cocks rifle]::Ash: Housewares.

[last lines]::Ash: [voiceover] Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I *am* king.::[Ash grabs girl close]::Ash: Hail to the king, baby.::[Ash kisses the girl]

Arthur: How will we stop an army of the dead at our castle walls? How will you fight that? With more words? Most of our people have already fled. We are but sixty men.

Ash: It's a trick. Get an axe.

Sheila: I may be bad... but I feel gooood.

Ash: Yeah!::[after shooting King Arthur's sword in half]::Ash: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

[first lines]::[opening monologue]::Ash: My name is Ash and I am a slave. Close as I can figure, the year is thirteen hundred A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job.::Ash: [now Ash is in a flashback] Umm... Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!::Ash: [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend Linda. Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomiconexmortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rights, funeral incantations, and demon resurrection passages, it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods, something evil.::[something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams]::Ash: It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist.::[Ash is seen cutting off his hand]::Ash: But that didn't stop it, it came back big time.::Ash: [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake how do you stop it?::[Ash falls into the vortex and the opening credits start]

Mary and Joseph: A Story of Faith (1979)

Actors: Paul Hecht (actor), Gabi Amrani (actor), Lloyd Bochner (actor), Lee Rich (producer), Eric Till (director), Blanche Baker (actress), Stephen McHattie (actor), Colleen Dewhurst (actress), Don Carmody (producer), Yehuda Efroni (actor), Gene Corman (producer), Mosko Alkalai (actor), Marilyn Lightstone (actress), Robert Farnon (composer), Murray Matheson (actor),

Genres: Biography, Drama,

Quotes:

Joseph: I hope you enjoyed yourself... with your gypsy.::Mary: You're jealous. Joseph, it was just that he made me laugh. He made me feel happy.::Joseph: And I don't?::Mary: I didn't mean it that way. It's just that... you're so proud... and you get so angry.

Joseph: But I have nothing to give you. I-I'm only an apprentice. I really don't know how'd I make a living for us. I can imagine what your father would say. Well I know what I would say... I really don't think your mother likes me...::Mary: Joseph, don't you want to know what I would say? I would say that I loved you the moment I saw you and that I will love you as long as I live.

Gawain and the Green Knight (1973)

Actors: Peter Copley (actor), Robert Rietty (actor), John Shirley (editor), Ann Skinner (miscellaneous crew), Robert Hardy (actor), Geoffrey Bayldon (actor), Carlo Ponti (producer), Ronald Lacey (actor), Ron Goodwin (composer), Murray Melvin (actor), George Merritt (actor), Ian Richardson (actor), Richard Williams (miscellaneous crew), Nigel Green (actor), Jerold Wells (actor),

Genres: Adventure, Fantasy,