Eric & Ernie (2011)

Actors

• Thomas Aldersley (actor)
• Thomas Atkinson (actor)
• Josh Benson (actor)
• Bryan Dick (actor)
• Fine Time Fontayne (actor)
• Andrew Greenough (actor)
• Peter Gunn (actor)
• Jonah Lees (actor)
• Harry McEntire (actor)
• Lee Oakes (actor)
• Alex Price (actor)
• Vic Reeves (actor)
• Daniel Rigby (actor)
• Ted Robbins (actor)
• Stephen Aintree (actor)

Genres

• Drama
• Drama

Quotes:

Sadie Bartholomew: Do you know what's holding 'em back?::George Bartholomew: The War?

Eric Morecambe: Was it dark?::Ernie Wise: Was what dark?::Eric Morecambe: Hiding in Churchill's cigar box until the War was over.

[Arthur is being carried off stage]::Ernie Wise: Poor Arthur.::Eric Morecambe: He must've tripped over Des O'Connor.

Eric Morecambe: What do you think of it so far?::Audience Member: Rubbish!

[Eric's mother is pushing him into a career as a dancer, but his heart isn't in it. He has just won a children's talent competition doing an embarrassing song-and-dance routine]::George Bartholomew: [conspiratorially, to Eric] Never mind, son. Happen you'll lose next time.::Sadie Bartholomew: [grimly] I heard that!

[Eric has just learned that he has won the Jack Hylton audition and will be taking part in the "Youth Takes a Bow" stage show, touring the country alongside Ernie Wise]::Young Eric: Touring the country? When will I see my mates?::Sadie Bartholomew: You'll make new mates - Variety mates - mates with a bit of something about them.::Young Eric: I don't want Variety mates. I've got a gang here - *and* an air-gun!::Sadie Bartholomew: Eric, d'you want to be tied to a whistle all your life, like your dad?::Young Eric: Well...::Sadie Bartholomew: Eric, listen to me. You make people laugh, you're a lovely dancer, and you can hold a tune. But *more* than that, and I mean this as the mother who carried you and nursed you and raised you, you aren't any good at anything else.

[Eric and Ernie have just done their first television show and it has received very poor newspaper reviews. Even Eric's mother thinks it was a disaster]::Sadie Bartholomew: [shouting] I can't show me face outside the house! I think we're going to have to move! I told you time and time again to trust your own material! I drummed it into you! And what do you do the moment me back's turned? You forget *everything*!::[Eric walks off and finds his dad sitting alone]::Eric Morecambe: Can I borrow your bike?::George Bartholomew: Where are you planning on going?::Eric Morecambe: Anywhere that they don't have televisions.::George Bartholomew: You could try Barrow-on-Furness. You'll soon be back - people'll forget.::Eric Morecambe: They won't forget this.::[Eric shows George a newspaper cutting of a TV critic's article]::Eric Morecambe: Here, read that.::George Bartholomew: "Definition of a TV - the box they buried Morecambe and Wise in last night". You know what I think. There's nothing harder to find than yesterday's paper.

[Eric and his mother discuss the disastrous TV series]::Sadie Bartholomew: How long are you going to keep this up - this sulking malarkey. You used to sulk when I made you wear that schoolboy outfit - right up till when it got you a big laugh.::Eric Morecambe: Television isn't about dressing up as a schoolboy and singing, you know.::Sadie Bartholomew: Well it certainly isn't about being funny. Not if what I saw you two do is anything to go by.::Eric Morecambe: [sarcastically] Don't go easy on me just because we're related, will you.::Sadie Bartholomew: I don't know how to soft-pedal - it's not in me nature.::Eric Morecambe: You don't have to tell me that.::Sadie Bartholomew: I'm hard on you because you and Ernie are better than that. When I saw you on that television show, doing that *tripe*... Biggest break? Your chance? You forgot everything. You and Ernie *know* what's funny. You know what plays funny, you know what tells funny. You must have known deep-down that material was not funny.::Eric Morecambe: What d'you want me to say?::Sadie Bartholomew: You could start by telling me I'm right.::[Ernie is lost for words. He knows his mother is right but he can't admit it]::Eric Morecambe: I'm sorry if you feel we've let you down.::Sadie Bartholomew: I'll get over it. Will you?

[Sadie is searching frantically under the bed and emerges holding a suitcase full of papers]::George Bartholomew: What the bloody hell are you doing?::Sadie Bartholomew: Finding them new material. I'll get Eric to go round to Ernie's tomorrow. Bash their heads together.::George Bartholomew: No, Sadie!::Sadie Bartholomew: What do you mean, "no"? Push, push, push. That's what I do. It's what our Eric needs.::George Bartholomew: Well maybe it's time you stopped pushing.::Sadie Bartholomew: You saying I pushed him into it?::George Bartholomew: Nobody's saying that, Sadie. You were right to push him and I'm glad you did. But... what I saying is... *He's* got to do the pushing now. *He's* got to go down to Ernie. He's got to do it for himself. He's got to *want* to do it himself.::Sadie Bartholomew: Well, beggar me! You don't put your foot down for twenty-five years of married life, and when you finally do, you're wrong!

[following their notorious TV show, Morecambe and Wise are now being placed *lower* on theatre bills than they were beforehand]::Ernie Wise: [ironically] Fourth on the bill. That's the magic of television.

Night Train to Murder (1983)

Actors

• Tony Boncza (actor)
• Roger Brierley (actor)
• Frank Coda (actor)
• Kenneth Haigh (actor)
• Kenneth Haigh (actor)
• Edward Judd (actor)
• Robert Longden (actor)
• Fulton Mackay (actor)
• Leonard Maguire (actor)
• Eric Morecambe (actor)
• Pat Roach (actor)
• Tim Stern (actor)
• Richard Vernon (actor)
• Ernie Wise (actor)
• Ben Aris (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Thriller

Quotes:

Ernie: Where is the Scottish Border?.::Eric: In bed with the landlady!

[there is an anguished cry from behind the wall]::Ernie: [walking towards the wall] It came from behind this new painting.::Eric: How do you know it's a new painting?::Ernie: [showing Eric the red 'paint'] The paint's still wet.

Ernie: You're so smart.::Eric: [stops and looks Ernie in the eye] How could you say that? You met my first partner, didn't you?

Ernie: [tapping Eric on the shoulder] I thought you didn't fool around with women?::Eric: No, what I said was, when it comes to women, I don't fool around!

Eric: How many clothing coupons did that cost?::Kathy: [trying not to laugh at Eric's wig] No, it's Zelda's, she let me have it.::Eric: I wish she'd let me have it!

[Milton decides to step outside for a breath of fresh air]::Mackay: Be careful, remember what the guard said, there's a lunatic out there.::Cousin Milton: [looking at Eric and Ernie] There's two in here. I'll take my chances!

Ernie: How do I look?::Eric: He He, were there any other survivors?

Eric: Can anyone here play?::Cousin Zelda: I can.::Eric: We realise that, but I was talking about the piano!

[Milton whispers something to Eric, then Ernie whispers something else to Eric]::Eric: [to Milton] Say that again!::[Milton repeats his remark, while Ernie plays a short tune on the piano]::Eric: [to Ernie] You're right, it does sound better to music!

[as they leave, Eric points to the novel in Ernie's hand]::Eric: How does it end? It's been right so far!::Ernie: Well, it's completely wrong now - it says the villain gets away scot free!::[hands book to Eric]

Wise, Ernie Filmography

• The Age of the Train
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself - Comedian
• Tales of Television Centre
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blackpool: Big Night Out
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Eric & Ernie: Behind the Scenes
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Unforgettable Ernie Wise
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Morecambe and Wise: The Show What Paul Merton Did
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Countdown: One Last Consonant Please, Carol
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Morecambe & Wise: In Their Own Words
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• All the Best from Denis Norden
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Comedy Christmas
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Funny Side of the News
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• World of Robin Hood
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• TV's 50 Greatest Stars
  2006, role: actor , character name: Various Characters
• TV's 50 Greatest Stars
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Greatest TV Comedy Moments
  2005, role: actor , character name: Breakfast Sketch
• Bruce Forsyth's Comedy Heroes
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Unseen Eric Morecambe
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Britain's 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Who Killed Saturday Night TV?
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Ed Sullivan Presents: The Beatles
  2003, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Showbiz Set
  2002, role: actor
• I Love Morecambe & Wise
  2002, role: actor
• The Unforgettable Eric Morecambe
  2001, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Best of Morecambe & Wise
  2001, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Night of a Thousand Faces
  2001, role: actor , character name: Various
• I Love a 1970's Christmas
  2000, role: actor
• Morecambe & Wise Christmas Cracker
  1993, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Comic Relief
  1988, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Night Train to Murder
  1983, role: writer
• Night Train to Murder
  1983, role: actor , character name: Ernie Wise
• Rubbish Tips
  1980, role: actor
• Every Night Something Atrocious
  1980, role: actor , character name: Interviewee
• To See Such Fun
  1977, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Fifty Bighearted Years: The Variety Club of Great Britain's Tribute to Arthur Askey
  1974, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Simon Simon
  1970, role: actor , character name: Painter
• The Magnificent Two
  1967, role: actor , character name: Ernie
• Look at Life: Funny Business Is No Joke
  1967, role: actor , character name: Himself
• That Riviera Touch
  1966, role: actor , character name: Ernest Clark
• The Intelligence Men
  1965, role: actor , character name: Ernie Sage
• The Royal Variety Performance 1964
  1964, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Royal Variety Performance 1961
  1961, role: actor , character name: Himself