Armed and Dangerous (1986)

Dooley, a cop wrongly sacked for corruption, teams up with a useless defense lawyer in their new careers... as security guards. When the two are made fall guys for a robbery at a location they are guarding, the pair begin to investigate corruption within the company and their union. They soon make enemies of everyone, but can the unlikely duo save the day ?

Keywords: aerobics, armored-car, burglar, cat, crooked-cop, cross-dresser, father-daughter-relationship, female-bodybuilder, framed, heist

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Quotes:

The Cowboy: Slim, I ain't never seen a handgun that big before.::Frank Dooley: Yeah, it's a 50 caliber. They used to use it to hunt buffalo with... up close! It's only legal in two states. And this isn't one of them.::The Cowboy: You're somthin' else, Slim.

Noreen: Gosh, I didn't realize it was going to be this formal. If I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn underwear.

Maggie Cavanaugh: Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets come out going very, very fast. So make sure to keep the weapon pointing away from you. Now that's about it. You are now armed... guards. God help us all.

Frank Dooley: Ooh, they're going to feel that in the morning.

[Frank and Norman are hiding in a overheated steam room]::Norman Kane: "Let's hide in the steam room." Great plan, Frank! It's a good thing we didn't hide in the barbecue pit because Carlino would have had a sudden craving for ribs!

[Norman wants to question the union officials about "mandatory" contributions]::Frank: Are you crazy? Look at those guys; I bet any one of them could tell you where Jimmy Hoffa is buried!

Frank Dooley: [panting] Listen... I'm only gonna say this once. I'm a special officer. You have to get me to the corner of 83rd and Aviation in 10 minutes... otherwise, two wonderful people that I know are gonna die.::The Cowboy: Well, climb on in here, Slim.::Frank Dooley: [enters the truck's cab] Whew! Thank you.::The Cowboy: Well, let's just see how fast this son-of-a-bitch'll go! [the psycho Cowboy truck driver starts up the tanker truck and suddenly begins slaming into all the parked cars in the traffic jam!]::The Cowboy: Hold on tight to your saddle horn, son!

Bruno: Pay attention fat boy! It's canine control. You got it?::Frank Dooley: Daaahhh, I think so.::Bruno: Don't be a smart ass Dooley!

[Frank and Norman exit the porno bookstore disguised as a transvestite and leather man respectively when they run into the bad cops looking for them; Frank and Norman freeze]::Sergeant Rizzo: What are you looking at you schmucks?::[Frank and Norman sigh with relief that Rizzo does not recognize them and quickly get into their characters]::Frank Dooley: [mimicking 'Divine'] Oh, isn't he cute? And look that these muscles.::Sergeant Rizzo: Take your hands off me! I'm a police officer.::Norman Kane: [falsetto voice] Oh, don't mine him. He gets so frisky every time he sees a badge.::Frank Dooley: What are you doing later on tonight?::Sergeant Rizzo: Take a walk you jerks!::Norman Kane: [to Frank] Come on, let's trot.::Frank Dooley: Why can't you look this good?::Norman Kane: Mother Nature wasn't kind to some of us.::Sergeant Rizzo: [shoves Frank and Norman] Move it!::Frank Dooley: Ooo, he touched me! I got my Christmas goose early!

Judge: Mr. Kane, you are one of the worst lawyers I've ever known.::Norman Kane: Well, then I move for a mistrial.