Ted (2012)

Actors: Tom Skerritt (actor), Patrick Stewart (actor), Ray Romano (actor), Ed McMahon (actor), Bill Smitrovich (actor), Ryan Reynolds (actor), Seth MacFarlane (actor), Giovanni Ribisi (actor), Joel McHale (actor), Johnny Carson (actor), Tom Kenny (actor), Sam J. Jones (actor), Ted Danson (actor), Matt Walsh (actor), Mark Wahlberg (actor),

Plot: John makes a Christmas miracle happen by bringing his one and only friend to life, his teddy bear. The two grow up together and John must then choose to stay with his girlfriend or keep his friendship with his crude and extremely inappropriate teddy bear, Ted.

Keywords: 80s, baseball-stadium, beer, boston, break-up, bromance, car, car-chase, cartoon-on-tv, character-name-in-title
Genres: Comedy, Fantasy,
Taglines: Ted is coming.

Quotes:

[from trailer]::[thunder is heard outside]::Lori: I don't - I don't understand. I really don't. You're 35 years old and you're still scared of a little thunder?::John: I am not!::[Ted comes running into the bed]::Ted: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?::John: Fucking right.::Ted: Alright, come on, let's sing the thunder song.::John: Alright.::John, Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, / Don't you get too scared. / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / "Fuck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!" [blow raspberries]

[from trailer]::Ted: [dressed in a suit and tie] I look stupid.::John: No, you don't, you look dapper.::Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell 'em Grandma died.

Lori: [Enters apartment and sees Ted and four hookers on the couch watching TV] Oh...::Ted: Lori, hey, you're home early.::Lori: What the hell is this?::Ted: The ladies and I were just watching Jack and Jill, where Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister, and it's, it's just awful. It's unwatchable, but y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.::Lori: This place is a wreck! Who are these girls?::Ted: Oh, where are my manners? Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Charene, and Sauvignon Blanc. I love you girls. Y'know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night!::Lori: [Looks down on floor] What is that?::Ted: Wha- what is what?::Lori: There's a... a shit on my floor! In the corner, there is a shit!::Ted: Oh, yeah, Yeah, we were playing Truth or Dare, and, uh, Charene was pretty ballsy.::Lori: There is a shit on my floor!::Ted: Well, or, or, is the floor on the shit?::John: [John pokes a lobster head from out the door] Rawr!::Ted: Hahaha!::John: Who lives here? I'm comin' to get who lives here! You owe me lobster money!::Ted: Ahahaha! That's my buddy Johnny. Not the lobster, the guy runnin' it.::John: [Enters the apartment] I found my phone. What's going on.::[John suddenly looks down on the floor]::John: Is that a shit?::[Lori looks at John]

[from trailer]::Ted: I met a girl; she's a cashier.::John: No way! That's awesome! We should fuckin' double date or something, you, me and Lori and w-what's her name?::Ted: White trash name. Guess.::John: Mandy.::Ted: Nope.::John: Marilyn.::Ted: Nope.::John: Brittany?::Ted: Nope.::John: Tiffany.::Ted: Nope.::John: Candace.::Ted: Nope.::John: Don't fuck with me on this! I know this shit!::Ted: Do you see me fuckin' with you? I'm completely serious.::John: Alright, speed round. I'm gonna rattle off some names, and when I hit it, you fuckin' buzz it, okay? You got me?::Ted: You do it. I will tell you. Yeah.::John: Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fuckin' *Becky*?::Ted: No.::John: Wait; was it any of those names with a "Lynn" after it?::Ted: *Yes*.::John: Oh, I got you, motherfucker! I got you! [Ted laughs] Okay. Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn...::Ted: Tami-Lynn.::John: [Exasperated] *Fuck*!

Tom Skerritt: My daughter better still be alive you sick son of a bitch.

Ted: Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. [Ted passes a bong to John] .::John: What is this?::Ted: It's called "Mind Rape", it's actually pretty mellow.::John: It doesn't sound very mellow.::Ted: Well he only had three other batches: "Gorilla Panic", "They're coming! They're coming!" and something called "This Is Permanent"... Go on, spark it up!

John: [calling 911] This guy took my teddy bear!::[pause]::John: Hello? Hello?

John: [during a flashback to 2008] Chris Brown can do no wrong!

Ted: [to fat kid] Back off, Susan Boyle!

Southern Newscaster: [regarding Ted coming to life] Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did!