Katy Perry

The Promotion (2008)

Actors: Harvey Weinstein (producer), Lili Taylor (actress), Jenna Fischer (actress), Bob Weinstein (producer), Seann William Scott (actor), John C. Reilly (actor), Erik A. Williams (actor), Gil Bellows (actor), Jason Bateman (actor), Bobby Cannavale (actor), Fred Armisen (actor), Adrian Martinez (actor), Masi Oka (actor), Jeremy Alter (miscellaneous crew), Alex Wurman (composer),

Plot: At 33, Doug Stauber is ready for a promotion. He's married, wants to buy a house, and is assistant manager at a Chicago supermarket that's building a new store in his neighborhood. His boss tells him he's a shoo-in to manage the new store, then, a rival appears - Richard Wehlner, transferred from Canada. Richard has a deeper resume than Doug, is really nice, has a wife and daughter, and wants the promotion to manager too. How should Doug behave toward Richard - as a friend, a colleague, a competitor, or an enemy? Richard, it seems, has demons and a past, but with the help of motivational tapes, he's resolved to succeed. Corporate and personal tests await the two men.

Keywords: assault, backflip, bag-on-head, banjo, banjo-player, barbecue, bed, biker-gang, board, bottle
Genres: Comedy,
Taglines: Two guys. One job. No rules.

Quotes:

Richard: [to Donnie Wahls] Hey, good luck... because you're gonna' need it.

Person in bar: Hey, got a light?

Richard: We're all just out here trying to get some food... sometimes, we bump into each other.

Doug Stauber: I'm not a lion... I'm a guy.

Jen Stauber: Goodbye banjo-fuckers!

[Richard explains to the board of directors the sign that cited the deli clerk as employee of the month for "cutting the cheese."]::Richard: 'Cutting the cheese' simply means 'cutting the actual cheese'. It doesn't have a double-thing? So I just missed it. Because in Canada, it's 'cracking'.::Mitch: The expression.::Richard: It's 'cracking', in Canada, yeah. We crack the cheese.::[Long pause between Richard and the board of directors]::Richard: Cracking it? Cracking the cheese? So I simply, really believed that Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award... for cutting the actual cheese. I'm sorry.::[Another long pause as a board member writes Richard's comments]::Richard: I simply believed Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award...::Mitch: I heard you the first time.

[During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads]::Retreat Leader: I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on.::[Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head]::Retreat Leader: Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away!::[Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh]::Retreat Leader: Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on!::[Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh]::Retreat Leader: Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary.::[Richard turns to his right]::Richard: Doug, can we take our sack off?::Doug Stauber: What?::[Everyone bursts in laughter]::Richard: Did you take your sack off?::Doug Stauber: I can't really hear you.::Retreat Leader: If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!::Richard: [whispers] Fuck!::[Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else]::Retreat Leader: Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.::Richard: My concentration skills need improvement!::[Everyone bursts into laughter]

[after giving his apology speech at a community center following his incident with a gang at the supermarket, Doug meets with Richard, the board of directors and the community leaders]::First Community Leader: I think everybody is feeling pretty good about it.::Richard: Yeah.::First Community Leader: It's isolated.::Richard: Oh yeah, it's a one-time thing.::First Community Leader: What's that?::Richard: I agree, it's isolated. I think it was just some 'black apples'. We won't be seeing that happen again.::[Long pause between everyone]::First Community Leader: Black apples.::Richard: What's that?::First Community Leader: You said, 'black apples'?::[Another long pause]::Richard: I said bad ones...?::First Community Leader: The fuck you said bad.::Richard: Bad apples?::First Community Leader: You said black.::Richard: I'm sorry if there's some confusion. Maybe in the confusion, I...::Mitch: Hey, come on. It's been a long day. That was a slip.::First Community Leader: This is a lot of shit.::Richard: You are not a black apple to me. I said, that possibly, there was one black one in the batch, not you. And I didn't mean to say black. I meant 'back'... 'blatch', blah... 'blapples'.::[Long pause between everyone]::First Community Leader: Where'd you get this fucker?::[the community leaders walk away as Mitch follows them]::Mitch: Let's catch up outside. I'll hit you with some gift certificates.

[Richard struggles to assemble a ship in a bottle while his motivational tape plays in the background]::Motivational Speaker: Have you ever seen an eagle blow his top? Do your best to keep your cool.::Richard: Stay loose...::[the ship tips over when Richard places his tweezers near it]::Richard: Fuck!::Motivational Speaker: Every life has its frustrations, but be careful not to let them get the best of you in front of your family. Instead of curses, find a more family-friendly way to express life's frustrations.::[Richard drops his tweezers inside the bottle, causing him to get up in anger]::Richard: Fuck you! Ship fuck! Asshole ship! Seven seas fucker! Jolly fucker!::Lori Wehlner: For Christ's sake...::Richard: No one can do that! It's impossible! Not even a guy with tiny hands! Not even a guy with a child's hands! Fuck that!

Hardy: Hey, Mr. Wehlner.::Richard: Hey, Hardy. How are you doing?::Hardy: I'm doing good.::Richard: What did you do last night?::Hardy: I went to the movies with my sister.::Richard: You did?::Hardy: Yeah.::Richard: That sounds awesome.::Hardy: Guess what?::Richard: What?::Hardy: I'm growing a mustache.::Richard: All right. That's cool. [offers a handshake] Hey, Hardy, you're doing a great job at the store here.::Hardy: Thanks.::Richard: Keep it up.::[as Hardy walks away, Richard feels his right hand after shaking it with Hardy and gives an uneasy look on his face. Doug sees this and approaches him]::Doug Stauber: What's going on?::Richard: Oh, nothing. Just... Hardy. It just gets sad, sometimes. Do you know why Hardy's hand is powdered?::Doug Stauber: Why?::Richard: These retarded guys... masturbate so much that they rub the skin off their penises. They don't know better, and that they have a hard time not jerking off.::[Mitch and the board of directors appear behind Richard]::Richard: Hey!::[Richard walks away as Mitch approaches Doug. He watches the conversation from a distance]::Mitch: Was he talking about jerking off in the store?