Join my FREE Live Online Class about Male / Female Communication http://www.laking.tv/freeclass Are you or your partner struggling to make a change in your behavior in your relationship? In today’s episode, we’re gonna look at the science of behavior change in a relationship. Human behavior is notoriusly difficult to change. If you like this video, comment, like, share, and subscribe to LA King TV. ♥ On the go? Subscribe to MY PODCAST: http://apple.co/1NsSWrK ✔ WEBSITE: http://www.laking.tv ✔ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/laurieannekingcoach ✔ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/LaurieAnneKing ✔ SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1VVxCOf ✔PREVIOUS EPISODE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaPFfhtOcxM Are you or your partner struggling to make a change in your behavior in your relationship? This is Love smarter the show for women who want extraordinary love and are not afraid to learn for it. Here's your host Laurie-Anne King. In today's episode, we're gonna look at the science of behavior change in a relationship. Human behavior is notoriously difficult to change. Just think about all the things you want to do or know you should do or say you will do that you don’t get around to. Knowing we should do something and even wanting to do something, doesn't always lead to actually doing the thing. Now, in a romantic relationship, sometimes there's a behavior that one of the partners does that isn't acceptable to the other partner. It doesn’t work for them, it doesn't work for their lifestyle or it's something they just wish it was different. And you might decide that you're actually gonna try to change that behavior for your partner or for the sake of the relationship. For some reason in romantic relationships, we expect our partners to be able to change like that, overnight, just because they said they would and if they don't and sometimes we make up its because they don't love us enough. We do ourselves and our partners a huge injustice when we expect them or ourselves to be able to change overnight and then getting mad at them when they fail to do so. When it comes to changing inside of a romantic relationship, people tend to ignore the best science that's out there on how to effectively change behaviours and build habits. One thing that I think is important to remember is that human beings we are still animals and we are largely governed by some of our instinctual system. And I think of myself basically as a monkey and if I want this monkey to do the things that I know are good for me or that I say I want to do that I need to surround myself with the systems and structures and support, that's gonna have this monkey do the things that I want it to do. If you are relying on will power alone to change behavior it's a losing game. Science has proven that willpower is actually a resource in your brain. And it depletes over the course of the day with every single decision that you make so we wake up with the most willpower were going to have. And then over the course of the day with each and every decision you have less and less willpower so by the end of the day we end up usually making some of our worst decisions might be why you eat healthy all day long but when it comes to dessert you just can't say no. You’ve used up all your willpower resources over the course of the day. This effect is so strong that a study reported people late at nightafter making many many decisions and have a judgement that's comparable to having .05% blood alcohol level. So relying on willpower alone to make a change is usually not sufficient. This is where you see people entering into cycles of failure. They get excited, they make a promise they have huge motivation and then their will power dies out and the promise isn’t met and they feel like a failure like they're not good enough, like they couldn't do it. So what are some other ways of approaching change? Well instead of relying on willpower, one thing I've taken on is that if something I want to be done or a new behavior I want to change is not happening it's not because I'm weak, it's not because I'm lazy, it's not even because I don't want it badly enough or I don't care enough about the person that I promised I would make the change to. It's because I haven't put myself in a sufficient structure, I haven't set up the right system around the monkey me for me to actually take the action. So I go to work on altering the structure, altering the system that's around me. It’s like the classic if you don't want to forget to bring a pie to work on Monday, put the pie in front of the front door, right where you put your shoes on. That way you're gonna see it. Tha’s an example of a system that keep something in your memory. Another perspective that helps is to think about the nature of ideas. A new idea I believe in its very nature, it is designed to disappear, it's designed to come in to spark intuition, to spark inspiration and then to disappear.

• published: 08 Jul 2016
• views: 8