Abraham Van Helsing

Vampie (2013)

Actors: Mickey Faerch (actress), William Christopher Ford (actor), Steven D. Snyder (actor), Phil Aslaksen (actor), Melissa Tracy (actress), Phil Aslaksen (producer), Melissa Tracy (director), Andrew Aguilar (actor), Tim Dax (actor), Dana Loats (costume designer), Josh DeLozier (actor), Raymond Trickitt (actor), Tom Patrick (actor), Ming Ballard (producer), Ming Ballard (producer),

Plot: In this cult film, Azure St. Clair, a neurotic vampiress who is deathly allergic to blood, must protect her only source of food, the VAMPIE (a vampire pie), from a dark vampiric order that wants to use the powers of this deadly pie to revive the dead and enslave the world.

Genres: Comedy, Horror, Romance,

Quotes:

Azure St. Clair: I'm gonna kick some vampire ass, then I'm gonna kick some Judas ass.

Grace: When you're 600 years old, you amuse yourself with stupid shit.

Mammon: You're a brave... little lamb.::Julian: What a tender morsel.::Ludmilla: Zombies seem to think so.::Mammon: Silence. I want to savor this. Anything to say, little lamb?

Ludmilla: You got some balls, little mortal.::Grace: Yeah. They're clanging.

Mammon: Around these parts, we do angel dust right. Your turn, sweetmeat.

Tippy: Whacked by the Vatican. You have arrived.

Wanda: Give the Great Spirit a little more credit than that!

Azure St. Clair: Pie-eating whore? What was SHE so pissed about? She's a VAMPIRE, for fuck's sake! She doesn't have to shit any more! Ew.

Tippy: Dear Lord, if I live through this I ain't never gonna sin again. I'll live a life of quiet dignity. I'll go back to dog grooming university, which was my original calling anyway...

Father Jack: You're so beautiful. Like a... wild Zebra Orchid.::Azure St. Clair: Really? Because I've been likened to a Venus Fly Trap... or the dreaded Corpse Flower.

Vampires Kiss/Blood Inside (2012)

Actors: Tim Burton (actor), Derek Frey (producer), Derek Frey (director), Derek Frey (editor), Aiko Horiuchi (actress), Kirsty Squibb (actress), Glen Mexted (actor), Leah Gallo (actress), Valery Nuttall (actress), Oliver Driscoll (actor), Gary Keller (actor), Malwina Suwinska (actress), Witching Hour (composer), Sabrina Lecordier (actress), Benoit Moranne (actor),

Genres: Horror, Short,
Taglines: Can Tim Burton help destroy these blood sucking seductresses in time?

Vampira: The Awakening (2010)

Actors: Jeff Solema (editor), Jeff Solema (director), Jeff Solema (writer), Jeff Solema (producer), Barry Alexander (actor), Corné Henri Bibo (actor), Josh Sands (producer), Erick Vega (editor), Brett Edwards (actor), Jessica Just (actress), Christopher Ray Allison (actor), Hipolito Munoz (producer), Nikki Boon (actress), Joyce Beltran (producer), Charles Murrey (actor),

Genres: Horror, Short,
Taglines: The daughter of the most famous vampire in the world in search of her father.

Evan and Gareth Save the World (2010)

Actors: Payman Benz (director), Thomas F. Evans (actor), Gareth Reynolds (actor), Joshua Knoles (miscellaneous crew), Kurt Scholler (actor), CK Gillen (producer), Jonny Coyne (actor), Evan Mann (actor), Jim Biederman (producer), Abigail Nieto (costume designer), Kevin Michael Martin (actor), Shayla Beesley (actress), Alex Rose Wiesel (actress), Elizabeth Belew (producer), Raquel Alessi (actress),

Genres: Comedy,

Count Fagula (2006)

Actors: Eric Trenkamp (director), Eric Trenkamp (editor), Kenny Wade Marshall (actor), Kenny Wade Marshall (writer), Troy Bynum (actor), Brandon T. Snider (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Short,

The Last Sect (2006)

Actors: Richard Blackburn (actor), Julian Richings (actor), Lewin Webb (producer), Claude Forest (miscellaneous crew), David Carradine (actor), Christopher Cordell (actor), Marilyn Jang (miscellaneous crew), Deborah Odell (actress), Curtis Petersen (producer), Natalie Brown (actress), Megan Fahlenbock (actress), Erin Berry (producer), Erin Berry (actor), Kate Harrison (producer), Ted Ludzik (actor),

Plot: The journalist Sydney St. James is writing an article for the magazine where she works about the on-line dating agency Artemis that is specialized in women. She schedules an interview with the owner of Artemis, Anna, and she visits the mysterious woman with her photographer Sam, who is fascinated by a site called Vampire Web. Sidney feels a great attraction for Anna, who is actually an ancient vampire called Anastasia. Meanwhile the vampire hunter Dr. Abraham Van Helsing is advised by his assistant Tone about the correlation between Artemis and the Vampire Web, and Van Helsing explains that in every turn of millennium, the vampire sect needs to regenerate, using a woman for this purpose. Van Helsing calls his partner Karpov and together they go to Artemis to fight against Anastasia and her sect.

Keywords: female-vampire, internet-dating, lesbian, lesbian-vampire, lesbianism, vampire, vampire-hunter
Genres: Horror, Thriller,
Taglines: Bite me!

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1989)

Actors: Dabbs Greer (actor), George 'Buck' Flower (actor), Jefferson Richard (producer), Bert Remsen (actor), Anthony Hickox (director), Anthony Hickox (writer), David Carradine (actor), M. Emmet Walsh (actor), Bruce Campbell (actor), John Ireland (actor), Maxwell Caulfield (actor), Jim Metzler (actor), Morgan Brittany (actress), Nancy Karlin (miscellaneous crew), John Hancock (actor),

Plot: Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sun cream to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.

Keywords: ancient-vampire, anti-hero, campy, cult-director, cult-film, cult-movie-cast, daughter, diner, dracula, engineer
Genres: Comedy, Horror,
Taglines: There's two kinds of folks in Purgatory. Vampires and lunch. They're mean. They're ornery. They're vampires.

Quotes:

David Harrison: Gwendolyn, stop terrorizing your sister!

Mort Bisby: Only got two choices - kill 'em or convert 'em.

Sandy White: You don't understand - times are changing.

Robert Van Helsing: Once a bloodsucker, always a bloodsucker.

Bailey: This is no life for a vampire!

[after spending a night in jail, she wakes up and discovers she's become a vampire]::Madge: What am I gonna tell my mother?

Ethan Jefferson: We are special - we are hunters - we kill.

Jozek Mardulak: We must learn to coexist.

The Best of All Time Horror Classics (1985)

Actors: Peter Cushing (actor), Boris Karloff (actor), Christopher Lee (actor), Bela Lugosi (actor), Vincent Price (actor), Alan Gibson (director),

Genres: Documentary, Horror,

Saturday the 14th (1981)

Actors: Richard Benjamin (actor), Severn Darden (actor), Rosemary DeCamp (actress), Jeffrey Tambor (actor), Stacy Keach Sr. (actor), Annie O'Donnell (actress), Paula Prentiss (actress), Julie Corman (producer), Stephen Herek (miscellaneous crew), Roberta Collins (actress), Howard R. Cohen (director), Michael Miller (actor), Howard R. Cohen (writer), Joanne D'Antonio (editor), Kent Beyda (editor),

Plot: Primarily a spoof of the Friday the 13th series, but also takes shots at several other horror films. After his family moves to a new house, a young boy discovers a mysterious book describing the curse hanging over the date of Saturday the 14th. Opening the book releases a band of monsters into the house, and the family must join together to save themselves and their neighborhood.

Keywords: 666, alcohol, animal-attack, attic, b-horror, b-movie, bartender, bat, belching, big-sister
Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, Sci-Fi,
Taglines: Just when you thought it was safe to look at the calendar again.

Quotes:

Yolanda: What do the building codes say about filling the basement with earth?::Marge, the Real Estate Broker: It's... it's a finished basement.::Waldemar: Not yet it isn't.

Marge, the Real Estate Broker: Do you have children?::Waldemar: As often as we can.

Van Helsing: Some vampires will believe anything.

Waldemar: He's in there, and we're out here. He's got that book by now!::Yolanda: If he had that book by now, he wouldn't still be in there.::Waldemar: But we'd still be out here.

Waldemar: If you weren't immortal, you'd kill yourself.

Yolanda: Oh, look. Isn't that that boy Bavarian from Budapest?::Waldemar: No, that's a fruit bat from the Philippines.

Television Announcer: George and Elizabeth Bennetson got into their car to go to a party... But this wasn't going to be the kind of party they expected. The guests are about to arrive -::John: Billy, will you turn that thing off?::Billy: I did turn it off.

Van Helsing: In one minute, terrible things are going to happen! (A scream is heard off-camera.) Um, less than a minute?

Van Helsing: When I get that book, I will rule the world! Think of it - famine! War! Death!

Van Helsing: Selling the house now would be like closing the barn door after the horses eat your children.

Love at First Bite (1979)

Actors: Jimmy Williams (actor), Richard Benjamin (actor), Rolfe Sedan (actor), Joseph G. Medalis (actor), Basil Hoffman (actor), Ronnie Schell (actor), Michael Pataki (actor), John Dennis (actor), Richard Benjamin (actor), Sherman Hemsley (actor), Jack Baker (actor), George Hamilton (actor), Arte Johnson (actor), George Hamilton (producer), Isabel Sanford (actress),

Plot: This vampire spoof has Count Dracula moving to New York to find his Bride, after being forced to move out of his Transylvanian castle. There with the aid of assistant Renfield, he stumbles through typical New York city life situations while pursuing Cindy Soundheim. But her boyfriend, Doctor Jeff Rosenberg, realizes she is under the influence of a vampire, and tries his bumbling best to convince police Lt Ferguson of what is going on, and to help him stop Dracula.

Keywords: 1970s, blackout, cape-the-garment, castle, chicken, city, coffin, culture-clash, detective, disco
Genres: Comedy, Horror, Romance,
Taglines: Your favorite pain in the neck is about to bite your funny bone!

Quotes:

[Rosenberg approaches Dracula in a restaurant]::Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: The second way to kill a vampire, Count; three silver bullets through the heart!::Cindy Soundheim: Jeffrey!::[Jeff shoots Dracula three times]::Count Dracula: No, Rosenberg, that is a werewolf::Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: A werewolf? Really? Are you sure?::[Guards start to take him away]::Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: [to the guards]No harm done! The man's all right! This was for a werewolf! No problem! Calm down! Take it easy! I'm a doctor! I know where I'm going!

[repeated line]::Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: [triumphantly] Well, Count, what do you say to that?::[Pulls out a Star of David]::Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: [Dracula hides his face, then realizes what it is and removes his hands]::Count Dracula: I would say, leave Cindy alone and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor!::Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Huh?::[looks at star]::Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Ah shit! It's the other one, isn't it?

Count Dracula: I'm going out for a bite to drink.

[first lines]::Count Dracula: Children of the night, shut up!

Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better.

Doctor Jeff Rosenberg: Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. She's a responsible person, or whatever.

Cindy Sondheim: We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie.::Count Dracula: No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.

Commissare Woman: Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split.::Count Dracula: Renfield.::Renfield: Yes, master.::Count Dracula: What is an efficiency apartment?::Renfield: I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

Count Dracula: I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit.