The Muppet Show

'Kermit the Frog' (qv) is the manager of a cabaret-style theatre house, which invariably has more drama behind the stage than on it. He has to contend with wannabe-comedian bears, the smothering advances of 'Miss Piggy' (qv), crabby regular theatre patrons, homicidal chefs, livestock, not to mention making the weekly guest star feel welcome.

Cast

• Kermit the Frog
• Frank Oz
• Richard Hunt
• Jim Henson
• Dave Goelz
• Jerry Nelson

• Season 1
• Episode 1: Juliet Prowse
  Kermit the Frog: [Phone rings] Hello. Okay. Just a second. [to the Snowths] It's for you.::Mahna Mah...
• Episode 2: Connie Stevens
  Bert: Ernie? Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself?::Ernie: [patting Bert's ...
• Episode 3: Joel Grey
  Kermit the Frog: It's "The Muppet Show" with tonight's guest star: Mr. Joel Grey....
• Episode 4: Ruth Buzzi
  The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! The Atlantic Ocean has just been kidnapped. Disappearance of the oce...
• Episode 5: Rita Moreno
  Kermit: [during Talk spot] Well, Rita, what we have now is what we call our 'Talk Spot', where the g...
• Episode 6: Jim Nabors
  Waldorf: Pay up, they made it through another one.::Statler: Double or nothing, next week's show?::W...
• Episode 7: Florence Henderson
  Waldorf: Hey, listen, all your impressions sound the same.::Fozzie: I can't help that. They were all...
• Episode 8: Paul Williams
  Paul Williams: You know, when they asked me to do the show, I was delighted. I mean, this is a great...
• Episode 9: Charles Aznavour
  Gonzo: Kermit, are you busy?::Kermit: Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment.::Gonzo: Wh...
• Episode 10: Harvey Korman
  Kermit the Frog: Okay, time, once again, for that furry, fuzzy, funnyman, fabulous, free-wheeling, f...
• Episode 11: Lena Horne
  Fozzie: Oh, you can't stop the old Fozzie tonight! I'm really cooking! I'm one rare bear!::Waldorf: ...
• Episode 12: Peter Ustinov
  Waldorf: Well, they did improve the level of television entertainment.::Statler: Well, they had no p...
• Episode 13: Bruce Forsyth
  Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye...::Waldorf: Really?::Statler: Yeah, I'm sitting on a ta...
• Episode 14: Sandy Duncan
  Statler: Well, how did you like the show?::Waldorf: Maybe I'm getting soft, but I loved it. [holds u...
• Episode 15: Candice Bergen
  Candice Bergen: Kermit, he ate my camera.::Kermit: You're lucky. Last week he ate the guest....
• Episode 16: Avery Schreiber
  Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [as a gorilla is destroying the lab behind him] Think of the safety. Think of t...
• Episode 17: Ben Vereen
  The Newsman: Here's a Muppet news bulletin! Dateline: New Brunswick. Mr. Melvin Cosgrove climbed a t...
• Episode 18: Phyllis Diller
  Waldorf: I loved it. [Statler pulls on a rope, which opens a trap door under Waldorf, who falls thro...
• Episode 19: Vincent Price
  Statler: That number scared the pants off of me.::Waldorf: Are you sure you didn't just forget to pu...
• Episode 20: Valerie Harper
  Impressed with guest star Valerie Harper's beauty, Statler and Waldorf argue over who will go backst...
• Episode 21: Twiggy
  Statler: Every week this show looks better to me.::Waldorf: Every week your eyesight gets worse....
• Episode 22: Ethel Merman
  Ethel Merman: Is this a show or a zoo?::Animal: [pops up on stage] Hiya!::Ethel Merman: It's a zoo.:...
• Episode 23: Kaye Ballard
  Rowlf the Dog: [to Nigel as he plays the show's theme on his piano] Well, you must admit, Nigel, thi...
• Episode 24: Mummenschanz
  [Miss Piggy mistook Gonzo's love letter on her dressing room door for a letter from Kermit]::Gonzo: ...
• Season 2
• Episode 1: Don Knotts
  Statler: This show is awful!::Waldorf: Terrible!::Statler: Disgusting!::Waldorf: See you next week?:...
• Episode 2: Zero Mostel
  Sam the Eagle: Excuse me, Mr. Mostel.::Zero Mostel: Yes?::Sam the Eagle: I am Sam the Eagle.::Zero M...
• Episode 3: Milton Berle
  Gonzo: Hey, Uncle Milty. I hope you really knock'em dead out there.::Milton Berle: Listen, kid. Don'...
• Episode 4: Rich Little
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 5: Judy Collins
  Waldorf: This theater is solid as a rock! Watch this. [stomps on the floor, then suddenly falls thro...
• Episode 6: Nancy Walker
  Waldorf: Well, how do you feel about nudity?::Statler: Well, personally, it always left me cold....
• Episode 7: Edgar Bergen
  Edgar Bergen: You don't know what you're saying.::Charlie McCarthy: Yes I do, Bergen. I can read you...
• Episode 8: Steve Martin
  Statler: Well, that was different.::Waldorf: Yeah, lousy.::Statler, Waldorf: But different....
• Episode 9: Madeline Kahn
  Statler: We got our money's worth tonight.::Waldorf: But we paid nothing.::Statler: That's what we g...
• Episode 10: George Burns
  Statler: Well, there it is. Your basic Latin number.::Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin...
• Episode 11: Dom DeLuise
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 12: Bernadette Peters
  [after Beaker's neck has been deflated]::Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh, so that's what Bunsonium does....
• Episode 13: Rudolf Nureyev
  Statler: You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate good music.::Waldorf: Yeah? What's that go...
• Episode 14: Elton John
  Sam the American Eagle: Kermit, about this Elton John.::Kermit: Yeah?::Sam the American Eagle: I hav...
• Episode 15: Lou Rawls
  Lou Rawls: Animal, you know, you play the drums so good. I mean you take the sticks and you really l...
• Episode 16: (#2.16)
• Episode 16: Cleo Laine
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 17: Julie Andrews
  Gonzo: [to a cow] Wow, you've got a great pair of legs! In fact, she's got two great pairs of legs!...
• Episode 18: Jaye P. Morgan
  The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! A charter flight carrying the London Symphony Orchestra has been for...
• Episode 19: Peter Sellers
  [Sellers is standing in his dressing room, alone, wearing pantaloons, a corset, boxing gloves, and a...
• Episode 20: Petula Clark
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 21: Bob Hope
  Fozzie Bear: [from behind the stage] Psst!::Kermit the Frog: Hey, Fozzie. Is Bob Hope here yet?::Foz...
• Episode 22: Teresa Brewer
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 23: John Cleese
  The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash! Science has discovered a process which may go a long way t...
• Episode 24: Cloris Leachman
  Waldorf: That was weird.::Statler: I'll tell the world.::Waldorf: Go ahead.::Statler: [looking into ...
• Season 3
• Episode 1: Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge
  Rowlf: Okay, what happens now?::Fozzie: Oh, now comes the funny part.::[exits]::Rowlf: Well, leaving...
• Episode 2: Leo Sayer
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 3: Roy Clark
  Kermit: If anything goes wrong here, Fozzie...::[shouts]::Kermit: You are fired!::[exits]::Fozzie: [...
• Episode 4: Gilda Radner
  Statler: Why did they want the igloo?::Waldorf: I don't know. Maybe somebody must have broken their ...
• Episode 5: Pearl Bailey
  Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. You have much indeed to learn about tod...
• Episode 6: Jean Stapleton
  Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something.::Fozzie Bear: Oh, I never forget.::Jean Stapleton: W...
• Episode 7: Alice Cooper
  Alice Cooper: [talking to The Devil on a two way radio] Hello, Boss? No, no I didn't make a sale. Uh...
• Episode 8: Loretta Lynn
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 9: Liberace
  Kermit: And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open...
• Episode 10: Marisa Berenson
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 11: Raquel Welch
  Kermit the Frog: For tonight, we are honored to present the one and only Miss Raquel Welch.::Miss Pi...
• Episode 12: James Coco
  Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. Finally! Well, for Beethoven I will stay. He's my favorite pl...
• Episode 13: Helen Reddy
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 14: Harry Belafonte
  [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]::Harry Belafonte: Well, the...
• Episode 15: Lesley Ann Warren
  Lesley Ann Warren: You know, Kermit, I thought you were the one person on this show who wasn't crazy...
• Episode 16: Danny Kaye
  Kermit the Frog: Well, you probably didn't know the Swedish Chef had an uncle... and neither did we,...
• Episode 17: Spike Milligan
  The Newsman: Good evening, and welcome to Muppet News International.::Spike Milligan: Yes, you're we...
• Episode 18: Leslie Uggams
  Leslie Uggams: Listen, Lew. What does it take to become a great boomerang-fish thrower?::Lew Zealand...
• Episode 19: Elke Sommer
  Scooter: Elke Sommer. Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Sommer.::Elke Sommer: Eh, thank you, Scooter....
• Episode 20: Sylvester Stallone
  Miss Piggy: We must've used every dumb Hawaiian joke in the book.::Hawaiin Pig: Hey, Hawaiians aren'...
• Episode 21: Roger Miller
  Kermit: Gonzo, I've got to go on stage. Don't say anything about this::The Great Gonzo: Gee, that wo...
• Episode 22: Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
  Fozzie: Hey, Kermit, Kermit! This bunch of cows loves me. I'm a hit!::Kermit: Not bunch, herd.::Fozz...
• Episode 23: Lynn Redgrave
  Lynn Redgrave: Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience.::Kermit: Oh, thank you. We...
• Episode 24: Cheryl Ladd
  Kermit: Are we ready back there?::Voice: Who wants to know?::Kermit: I do....
• Season 4
• Episode 1: John Denver
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 2: Crystal Gayle
  Scooter: [to Kermit] Gee boss, I've never seen you naked before. [Kermit runs off screaming]...
• Episode 3: Shields & Yarnell
  [first lines]::Scooter: Shield's and Yarnell. Fifteen seconds to curtain, Shields and Yarnell. Kermi...
• Episode 4: Dyan Cannon
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 5: Victor Borge
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 6: Linda Lavin
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 7: Dudley Moore
  Waldorf: [after a musical number with bugs] That number made me nostalgic.::Statler: Nostalgic for w...
• Episode 8: Arlo Guthrie
  The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. [awkw...
• Episode 9: Beverly Sills
  The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from th...
• Episode 10: Kenny Rogers
  Arab drilling-rig operator: Before we start d-trilling, where should zwe pahrk ze CAMELS?...
• Episode 11: Lola Falana
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 12: Phyllis George
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 13: Dizzy Gillespie
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 14: Liza Minnelli
  Statler: [Statler and Waldorf are in prison uniforms in a cell in the balcony] How long are we here ...
• Episode 15: Anne Murray
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 16: Jonathan Winters
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 17: The Stars of Star Wars
  The Newsman: Here's a bulletin from the Muppet Newsroom. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a...
• Episode 18: Christopher Reeve
  The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Police announce today that a killer lamb had escaped from ...
• Episode 19: Lynda Carter
  Miss Piggy: Holy Guacamole! This is a job for Wonder Pig!...
• Episode 20: Alan Arkin
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 21: Doug Henning
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 22: Andy Williams
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 23: Carol Channing
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 24: Diana Ross
  Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Hiya! Hiya! Hiya!::[the crowd boos loudly; running off-stage]:...
• Season 5
• Episode 1: Gene Kelly
  Scooter: Hey, Beau, want to know what you're gonna be doing in the future?::Beauregard: I don't even...
• Episode 2: Loretta Swit
  Loretta Swit: Oh, now, Kermit, you know how important Miss Piggy is to this show.::Kermit the Frog: ...
• Episode 3: Joan Baez
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 4: Shirley Bassey
  The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood!...
• Episode 5: James Coburn
  Kermit the Frog: Oh, boy, finally we have a real Hollywood tough guy on this show.::James Coburn: [A...
• Episode 6: Brooke Shields
  Statler: [Statler and Waldorf are dressed as Tweedledee and Tweedledum] What's that noise?::Waldorf:...
• Episode 7: Glenda Jackson
  Unlike some guests, Glenda Jackson was appreciated by the producers when she said, "You people know ...
• Episode 8: Señor Wences
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 9: Debbie Harry
  The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested ...
• Episode 10: Jean-Pierre Rampal
  Waldorf: Jean-Pierre has recorded an album of Frank Sinatra's hits on the flute!::Statler: What's it...
• Episode 11: Paul Simon
  Paul Simon: [after dispatching Rowlf by working a trapdoor lever] I love it, but of course, I know f...
• Episode 12: Melissa Manchester
  The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! On Wall Street today, commodity experts were amazed as ...
• Episode 13: Tony Randall
  Statler: I once knew a whole chorus line that was turned to stone.::Waldorf: What chorus line was th...
• Episode 14: Mac Davis
  The closing number is the only time in the series that the stage is viewed from the perspective of S...
• Episode 15: Carol Burnett
  Carol Burnett: Kermit, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this is one of the three worst shows ...
• Episode 16: Gladys Knight
  Pops: Who're you?::Gladys Knight: I'm Gladys Knight.::Pops: Yeah, me, too. I'm always glad it's nigh...
• Episode 17: Hal Linden
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 18: Marty Feldman
  [the cast of Sesame Street is crowding behind Waldorf and Statler's box seat]::Waldorf: How should w...
• Episode 19: Chris Langham
  Christopher Langham went on as guest host in this Muppet Show episode, only after the scheduled host...
• Episode 20: Wally Boag
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 21: (#5.21)
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 22: Buddy Rich
  [Buddy Rich runs into Dr. Teeth, leading Animal on a chain leash. Rich and Animal have agreed to a d...
• Episode 23: Linda Ronstadt
  BBC Elstree Centre/ATV Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK...
• Episode 24: Roger Moore
  Roger Moore: Kermit, is it always like this on the show?::Kermit: Like what, Roger?::Roger Moore: We...