Heed

So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Actors: Brenda Fricker (actress), Debi Mazar (actress), Robert Nichols (actor), Steven Wright (actor), Anthony LaPaglia (actor), Michael Richards (actor), Mike Myers (actor), Phil Hartman (actor), Mike Myers (actor), Alan Arkin (actor), Greg Germann (actor), Alan Arkin (actor), Charles Grodin (actor), Robert N. Fried (producer), Amanda Plummer (actress),

Plot: Charlie, a poet, hasn't had much luck with women, but then he meets Harriet, the girl of his dreams.. or is it his nightmares. Charlie begins to suspect that Harriet is Ms X, a woman who marries then kills her husbands.

Keywords: actor-playing-multiple-roles, alcatraz, aquarium, axe, bagpipes, bare-butt, bathtub, bitch, butcher, claim-in-title
Genres: Comedy, Crime, Romance, Thriller,
Taglines: The Honeymoon Was Killer

Quotes:

Tony Giardino: What's the news?::Police Chief: Oh, you wanna hear the news? Well, here's the news! It seems that the old lady that confessed to the murder of Ralph Elliot has also confessed to a couple of other murders.::Tony Giardino: I knew she would! I knew it!::Police Chief: Yeah! Right! Well, she's confessed to the murders of Abraham Lincoln, Warren G. Harding and Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase! A nutcase!

May Mackenzie: Wow, you've turned into a right sexy wee bastard. Do you know that?::Tony Giardino: Thanks, Mrs. Mackenzie.::May Mackenzie: Hasn't he?::Charlie Mackenzie: Oh, I think so.

Charlie Mackenzie: Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Stuart Mackenzie: Alright, give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

John Johnson: My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki.

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?::Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?::Charlie Mackenzie: You look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.::Tony Giardino: What do ya mean? I look hip!::Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.::Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, "The paper." The paper contains facts.::May Mackenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact.

Charlie Mackenzie: I like the night life. I like to boogie.

Charlie Mackenzie: Maybe it is late. You know, I'll be honest with you, I had a really great time tonight and, uh, I'd really love to kiss you but I think that if I kiss you we'll end up kissing on the couch and if we end up kissing on the couch then chances are we'll kiss in the bedroom and if we kiss in the bedroom then, you know, tha-that's the part I always rush into and I just don't think it's a good idea to rush into spending the night together.::Harriet Michaels: I wanna spend the night together.::Charlie Mackenzie: I have no problem with that!

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.::Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?::Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"::Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?::Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!