What do you want to do tonight
Brush shoulders with the end of life?
Not on purpose, of course,
That way we won't feel remorse.
Let's go and toy with some minds;
Theirs, not ours - that will kill some time.
Maybe we'll pass with it and be left behind
Not on purpose, of course.
My friend rang the doorbell two or three times.
Wee awaited in anticipation for the door to open...
Finally opening, a tall, lanky creature stumbled from the
darkness;
With its left paw, it opened the screen door, slowly revealing
a handgun in the other.
Aiming the gun between my eyes, I starred down the barrel;
The black metal shimmered in the moonlight.
Mumbling something about us not being wanted there, the
Creature gave the impression of drunkenness;
It's arms stiffened while cocking the gun.
Am I sick of this world?
Do I value this life?
Why do we live
Eagerly waiting the outcome, the trigger was pulled...
The gun was empty.
I stood there, smiling, letting the event slip out of thought
almost instantly.
Fear was never present.
It's just like this moment of complete awkwardness...
One doesn't know what to do
One doesn't know what to say
So I just sit there;
Completely feeding off my own awe
And the conversation seemed to pick up as If the sentence
was never even said
Sometimes, time Is suspended;
things are spoken
Then, time resumes to Its schedule never to be addressed
again
Just too powerful for the moment;
Completely overwhelming the senses
Fixing upon some irrational Insanity of some sort
One of the moments, completely hypnotized,
I captured everyone's awareness for that strict non-existent
space.
They are so aware that upon gaining continuity, it never
happened.
Maybe just for a few seconds, everyone In the room was
simply there.
Aware.
It really was a beautiful moment.
So I take a trip to the wands' of Egypt where the pyramids lye in search of immortal existence to obtain the answer of all.
I happened to enter one of them as if someone left the door open and as I walked thorough the seemingly endless corridors not giving much thought on how I will return nor where I am being led I hear a voice, like a whine, it's calling me. I enter a room and sit to have a chat with a pharaoh from the past. He talks to me. He says "You have a choice to go on to the next state without having to bear the rest of you years but after your choose, there is no returning . It's a much greater being he says Irrational wonders. All physical threshold will be broken. Your ties, Your conceptions will not apply. Escape of the physical self. I have thoughts of going to explore what I have never knows. What is the purpose? he asks. I said there is no purpose simply because I can not understand. (Then I am told )that I'm ready to leave and so I nod my head to the room and shed my body. I am thrust high above Egypt. Leaving the world and the physical plane becoming another entity Pure spiritualistic being I am Spirit Immortality. All is susceptible the search begins
As I decide to take a trip to hell
Within the realms I ran into a little boy
Little boy you're so young what are you doing in hell?
He told me I believed in religion therefore encasing myself with in this
Why don't you leave??
It's not possible
So I gave him life through birth with an innate yearning for the need of truth beyond what is said to be
Then I left and I heard the Indian tribes dancing>
Dancing around the fire. There summoning a sign, a vision
I join them in there dance hearing the drums thumping
I want to see too
Waiting for the greater spirit to come in hope that it shall
Know the answer
The emptiness inside increases the sense of
isolation that inspires death
I can not escape this need for silence within
my soul
Nothing has the equivalent power than the lure
of a breathless state of being
I fantasize that when I exhale their shall be no
return of air into my lungs and my mind will be
quiet and still
No more anxiety, fear or loneliness
I contemplate what would be worse
Another second without you?
Or to never see you again?
It is this psychological dilemma that keeps me in
a constant state of intolerable suspension
only surrendering quietly into peace when you
are present
I yearn for these passing moments in time when
I am with you that always seem to brief
And then a return to the contemplation
What is easier?
Death or love
Last night I dreamt I was in a war
but the enemy was already dead
Yet my fellow soldiers and I loaded our guns
to the fullest, and when the enemy surfaced we
let our weapons roar forth with no mercy until they
were empty and useless
Even then I still pulled my trigger
They would come forward laughing, chanting and
marching toward us unharmed
It was mockery to our attempts of defending ourselves
Each time this occurred they took a few of us with them
We had no control
Still we loaded our weapons and awaited the next arrival
Later I realized that the enemy couldn't be defeated
only accepted
Then we became allies
This didn't end the war
What do you want? he asked with anger on the edge of his
voice...
Oh nothing much really; I just want to use, abuse, and
misuse.
But don't worry, It's not so bad; just give me what I want, -
you see and eventually, I shall let you be.
She perused his long, thin, muscular body with her
possessing, wishful, eyes.
Just give In, it's not a sin, unless you believe it way down
within...
The young man was aroused and his reasoning lost its
meaning.
He touched her soft beckoning breasts and started to caress
them gently.
Is this that bad? Actually, It's quite good, I think you should
sleep with me; actually, I know you should.
Ripping sheets, piercing screams, fulfillment of one's wildest
dreams.
Insane lovemaking.
Used, abused and misused, the young man lay there, his body torn from strain.
She kissed him good-bye, and the morals that died and left
him, defeated and tried.
Oh, she never lied.
Show me love and I'll show you a twisted torn bleeding virgin
Twisted, glowing fairly tales of what we know nothing about;
Shattered visions of a hiding euphoria.
The beast of decadence Is revealed to us, underneath our feet.
We all ride on it's back for it is primal Instinct In disguise, and
our Interpretations are much too weak to escape.
I love to look over at her writhing in ecstatic bliss
what went wrong in that girls head?
Musing of yesteryear
An entire age spent in bed
Death calls to me and I usually listen
It is as if it is holding out its hand waiting for me to grab
hold and ease the tension of living by ending
Sometimes I'm so eager to take hold of this
but my palm is sweating with consequence
I'm afraid I might slip
So I simply shake hands
All these suicidal passions...
Is it my fault that reality is the greatest killer of them all?
Not death, it is merely a necessity
Eventually leading to my destruction
Forever
Yes, I have put forth a great deal of pain.
Abusing my talent of bending reason to indirectly punish;
there Is no denying the once Immortal anger
and the acts that manifested.
Condemning those who I could not join._
But really I'm just a closet romantic who wears the mask of
the devil for protection from the onslaughts of man.
When I was young, I'd sit and watch television/horrified by
the sight of teenagers/seeing through the lines of kindness.
My mother would ask for reason, but I wasn't given to words
then
and all I could say was that they were bad.
When reaching the age myself/
my mother would remind me
of the youthful perception; asking what my thoughts.. were now.
I only knew of truth then.
She only knew of blindness.
What a magnificent job she did of raising me within.
Such a surprise It was when the realization came of
separate worlds.
This is really just a story of a young boy who felt too much;
eventually having to feel nothing at all
I could fall In love with anybody.
I would give my life to anyone ...
I will sacrifice my soul for whomever is in need.
Yes, it Is hard to see me here, for I am surrounded by
darkness.
Flush against the comer hoping to avoid the light when the
door Is open.
Maybe you'll only see and endless, back void
Then become frightened and slam the door shut
Though your fear Isn't the result of what seems apparent;
even from hiding my genuine self can be sensed.
It is not the facade Of of evil that creates uneasiness In you...
It Is my truth.
Threatening the very selfish, cruel world that all hold so dear.
Of course I've been ostracized demeaned, and held down by the compulsive ropes
of those who need the fallacies of disguised hate. No one wants their reality ruined
and I'm the wrecker of them all.
Still living
And while I am alive there will always be the element of
uncertainty in all beings coming in contact with me
No one wants that
So I stay within my room only speaking to those who do
not dismiss the seemingly infinite space but come inside to explore
Ultimately finding the true expressions of a child encased
within a costume to hide his wounds of the ceaseless
beatings from none other than his own brothers and sisters
explore
All innocence is lost today
So rise the sun to this wretched way
What a circus savior
Clowns for his thoughts
Fool
Defeated by an army of confused and desperate wanderers
They point their blindness towards him and laugh
Seclusion he seems to say€
Surely he cannot stay
How could he possibly play?
The temptation of the virgin awaits
The desire is so great wanting him to
perpetuate this seemingly endless fate
It€™s all so cliché€
Time to end this dreaded day
Unbounded imbalance of ecstatic repercussions
for the denial of the human soul
Brought forth in full due to current realizations
of connection to another
Overflowing offerings of emotionally saturated words
trying to define esoteric psychological effects
I cannot comprehend
How much further does it go?
Reason no longer exists
Limitless chaos has ensued
I€™m slipping into boundless passion
This dictates reality
And reality has been altered
Now nothing will ever be the same
What is there to say about being dead?
Consciousness was fed.
It doesn't care who bled.
Even though he was led,
That's what everybody said.
It's too late, because he's dead.
With the conscious mind dead and lost the
subconscious gains decision of the night
So I enter the room where they keep the
perversions from beyond
Soon the clear cylinder of time is revealed and
I become influenced into irrelevance
Blurred perceptions
Soul orgasms
The end has come they cried
It is time for you to exist
It's good to have
a fantasy
That is ruined by a dream
That prevents emotional unity
between you and all
that is separate
No traces of purity
Privacy or the
sacred
all left behind
in dead time
only to be experienced in recollections of innocence gone array
Faint and weak impressions
of a child rearranged
by the beast of
decadence
Sacrifice for the ability
To be able to explore
hedonistic qualities
of the soul
Oh, little Innocent girl;
So untouched by the world...
Your pureness gives me a feeling of warm comfort.
How long before you're awaken by some beast screaming of love?
I dread the day for you, even though it will be held sacred.
For that will most likely be the beginning of your
transformation, and the point where I will start to fear..
A powerful weapon gained for many uses; you will learn its
beauties and faults.
The damage that can be done.
The wars that can be won.
But be careful overnight woman,
It can hurt you too.
Although by then you will also be using it to heal
As we all do
A new mystery in a circle of friends. They are eager to understand him.
So this is the generation of the unashamed.
Fear is absent in question;
It's almost like a test of reason.
Soon the men's curiosity will be done, but women's will have just begun;
yet the need to know changes to a more accepting place.
Subjects change yet quickly re-center themselves...
The women experience comfort and ease, letting themselves go to him.
He will hold us in his infinite security.
Absolute ecstasy.
A few moments of this shared state in passing time...
Is it a sin?
The mind scolds emotions and the discussion immediately ends.
The girls rise and hurry to embrace their boyfriends.
They need to be forgiven.
For they just let a complete stranger touch their soul
I never really knew who I was 'til I took a little pill;
Here comes the birth of a mystical giant.
Does anyone really know my death?
Looking around to ask- there is no one...
Do I blame them?
Who would travel this land by will?
Some claim but are always gone when the sun falls,
Even the most powerful will break under this strain and become poisoned from the food.
Losing sanity from lack of life;
Then, truth reveals who really resides...
I'm sorry I can't go with you. I live here.
Apparently, someone must tend this land.
The most isolated and painful of them all.
So go on and play the wondrous games of freedom;
I might catch a glimpse every now and then over the hilltops.
The closest I shall ever come...
Life, Love, Touch
I always hear stories of these;
But do they really exist?
Cant you hear that chaos is near?
It'll point the way and choose the day.
Traveling down, traveling down,
Through the sound.
But the fire's not around.
But the fire's not around.
So I sit ... unlit;
Trying to find my spirit.
Oh ... I really just don't know.
All my friends and I...
Why do we have to die?
Maybe I should ask that big old ball in the sky;
What a worthless cry.
Try ... try ... try...
I cannot die.
I cannot die.
What is last but the keeper of illusion?
Propelling the diluted sense of love
None of it exists
Before or after the seed?
Say goodbye to our painfull peace
-Silence-
Structured impotence killer of passion
Why is the life you lead expressed through discomfort?
Justified through discipline practiced through logic
Will it we ever transcend with indulgence?
But what for?
They€™ll never give you the power
And if so only with wondrous misfortune
So I surrender in this ritual to the opposite
to do what we please
I've seen that recognition isn€™t a friend
The people gather around with salivating anticipation
So here take, eat, devour
Drink the bloody flesh, fuck my corpse
I€™m yours
There is no contest with secondary pleasures
I release my experience to free the exaltation
to your wonder
It is so pointless to validate the subjective anyway
Truth is here, Outside of the words
Why do you even need unconscious intention?
Imbedded masterminds, fellow cannibals
I swear you make me sick
Hear her screaming in the bed
Its all in my head
I will suspend the rational pre-conceived formula and
enter almost into an emotional chaos
Anarchy for the logically obsessed
Unhealthy indeed but the passion based consequence
is desired for the imbalance
Oh how I love this lost anxiety
Empty soul dropped sensations
Now this discomfort is the only pleasure which I seek
The only thing left in existence outside the mundane and
the meek
Let us run amuck and indulge while we can
Let us do away with the pre-conceived plan
I will kill you today;
I will kill you just to play.
What did you say, my soft flower-like girl?
What did you say?
What did you say my soft flower-like girl?
What did you say?
I thought you said we could play in the bed today...
You know I'm underfed that way.
Hello my old friends
So nice to be here again
Sorry it's been so long, emotion hasn't been too strong
But now I see so clear
I know I'm never leaving here
So much to do so little time
So much to do while reaching the prime
Over there is the land of enchanted mimes
And there goes the concept of time
Now I start to hear the animals whine
As I enter this world of mine
Am I sick of this world?
Do I value this life?
Why do we live?
Am I sick of this world?
Do I value this life?
Why do we live?
I pray to you oh great lust god
For you keep the meaning of the myths
and I know that you reign
So I still bow in the presence of your power
If only I could capture the illusions that you create
and hold the wonder of the flesh you animate
This self perpetuated recycled wheel
Reincarnation of thought
I'm so sick of it... perhaps even tired
Look at the circle bite it's tail
I wish it would swallow itself and fail
This is nothing but the curse
Plenty rehearsed
The intoxicating drink of the night blurred our perceptions,
nullifying all stress and anticipation of the mind;
We beg of you more.
For at these moments, we are divine and this is simply a shameless time...
We sat there, wallowing in our purest form, urging each other to give more.
No one would settle for just the mind while the gathering was reaching its prime
each hoping it would be their time.
I personally achieved mine.
Hours and hours of this recycled action occurred before darkness fell upon the large cool room.
Most of us lie there content, happy, and filled with a memory that was still being created.
We must remember;
For tomorrow we would awake and memory would be the only evidence.
Did last night exist?
Or was it the intoxicating drink, playing one of its many tricks?
I beg of you more
Your sexuality petrifies me to the point of imbalance
It's what I need
The pain I've come to love
It's pushed me into greatness
Feel the anxiety I almost never believed was real
Here it is in all the fabulous glory
I've missed you
Drive me to the wondrous lands of insanity
I love the imbalance
Fuck the logical
It's time to feel
Feel for the first time
The pointless logic is so tired
Who needs to expend that power
Let us use emotion now to propel
Goodbye logic, we'll keep you around to explain what
just happened
No longer will you come first
Now it's our pleasure
Thank you death, thank you
You couldn't have been any clearer
No more framework
Imbalance
Little girl so filthy and wrecked
I€™ve been in all of your holes
Every ounce of your flesh I digested
Every drop of your breath I held
The things I€™d do for the taste of your skin
At times so tempted to cannibalize
Hoping to imbibe the force that created my death
To purge the angst of your gift
When in actuality it was nothing
Nothing but lust for darkness
It led to perversion
The kind of perversion that creates unconscious will
To the favor of the other no less
And I am just one
Just one limb of the great Father
Who doesn€™t exist
I take on leprosy to disembody myself from the whole
Yet this figure- head is in constant growth
So soon I€™m replaced
Replaced by another fool
Who is fooled?
And taken into her incestuous dream
Now he must be impeccable with his worship
in your church and wait in line for communion
Only left to ponder how the wine will taste
knowing everyone before and after you will be
I have been reborn into a dead soul, which lie dormant
due to the wounds suffered from past aggressors
This tiny minute corner which has been occupied
seems so lucid and painful that the blackness surrounding
pales in comparison
The uneasiness reaches the corners and rumbles
every last empty space in-between
The anxiety of this birth envelops all which has
been known to me as normalcy and forces the consideration
of new worlds long forgotten
Such reaction is something of true power
And this thing, this birth is so undefinable
Holding the essence of life and the urgency of death
I feel like a madman
Insanity rides my gut into the brain
and comprehension is suspended
Irrational emotional occurrence is all that is left
as I grasp for stability
This space in my soul needs to be nourished
It€™s hungry, crying as if it were a newborn child
Yearning for affection, for connection, for protection
For everything that has been denied in the previous attempts to grow
These vibrating pulsations stunning my body
throughout the day will not let me forget
I am alive
Your back again
You cracked again
Split in two which one is you?
Absence of Words
Unfocused thoughts
Indulgence of ones dreams
Nothing else can silence concerns of the emotional psychological responses
to all behavior that presents itself within any given situation
(Mowett)
Goodfellas.. Mowett.. Loon..
Now all I need in my life, is a girl similar to a
wife..
and I provide for her, even ride for her..
live and die for her..
and I even cry for her..
(Loon)
one you can put ur hands on..
I'm doin' 25 for her..
How could I ignore? First time that I saw her..
I was real hesitant, kinda scared to eyeball her..
but now that I got your attention, girl I got to
mention..
love that we share is due for extension..
(Mowett)
Girl you're lookin' good nowadays, and I heard you like
a man..
maybe I can be the one that peers into your plans..
thinkin' about how many days, I sat and waited for the
chance..
but I can't blow it now, I think I'm ready now..
(Chorus)
You don't need a man to treat you wrong.. (no, no no..)
it's that special touch, that means so much..
that makes your house a home.. (Ooh baby..)
I'll be there for you, to share with you, a life of
love.. (oOh..)
I'll be your knight in shining armor, and all you're
dreamin' of..
a strong survivor, a real provider..
a Tru Rider.. that's me (that's me)
you're lookin' for a go-get-her
a trendsetter, who treats you better.. (fu-boo-vu-mm-
boo)
you're lookin' for a love maker, with real paper, so
you can feel safer..
(so see babe-ay)
girl, you're lookin' for a soul mate, controls his
fate..
to brighten up your day..
I'll be..
(Mowett)
Girl with you, I give my all..
summer winter spring and fall, I'll be right
there when you call.. (go call me girl..)
satisfaction is guaranteed, whether it's the biggest
thing or the smallest thing..
I compromise my once for all of your needs..
(Chorus)
You don't need a man to treat you wrong.. (listen to me
babe-ay)
it's that special touch, that means so much..
that makes your house a home..
I'll be there for you, to share with you, a life of
love..
I'll be your knight in shining armor, and all you're
dreamin' of..
(and all you're dreamin' of..)
a strong survivor, a real provider..
a Tru Rider.. that's me
you're lookin' for a go-get-her
a trendsetter, who treats you better..
you're lookin' for a love maker, with real paper, so
you can feel safer.. (BooOo)
girl, you're lookin' for a soul mate, controls his
fate..
to brighten up your day..
I'll be..
(Loon)
Let's sponge bath and incense, I'm thru with these
wenches..
even though do so relentless..
I got plans for bigger trips, my hands on bigger
chips..
wanna go to Milan? we gone..
private jets, bottle of dom..
groupies and the models is gone, I got the tri-karat
rockin' my palm..
and I promise you, anything you want girl is on..
because it's good for the life and the charm.. word is
long..
(Chorus)
a strong survivor, a real provider..
a Tru Rider.. that's me
you're lookin' for a go-get-her
a trendsetter, who treats you better.. (oOoh)
you're lookin' for a love maker, with real
paper, make you feel safer.. (so safe with me)
girl, you're lookin' for a soul mate, controls his
fate..
to brighten up ur day..
I'll be..
(Mowett)
I'm the one you want, lookin' for.. (that's me)
baby, I'm right by your side, every night, to hold you
tight.. (that's me)
I'll comfort you, I'll be there for you, to see you
thru.. (that's me)
Oohh yeahh, Ohh yeahhh (that's me) babe
(Chorus)
You're lookin' for a strong survivor, a real provider..
(girl, I'll cure my life for you)
a Tru Rider.. that's me
you're lookin' for a go-get-her (show you I love you)
a trendsetter, (and I need you) who treats u better..
(Ooohh)
you're lookin' for love maker (love maker), with real
paper, (feel safer) so u can feel safer..
girl, you're lookin' for a soul mate, controls his
fate..
to brighten up ur day..
