Let's Brexit - the Ballad of Boris and Dave (Dave Nelder with apologies to Victoria Wood)

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• published: 17 Jun 2016
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Dave Nelder here. This is my parody song on the EU Referendum because, seriously, it needs parodying. I based this song on Victoria Wood's song, The Ballad of Barry and Freda (aka Let's Do It). Check out her original here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNU5KVa_Tu8 And the karaoke piano backing track I used, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4ZfqV7_Mzk It's pretty wordy and tongue-twistery, so I thought you might like the words: LYRICS Boris and David sat one night, the sky was clear, the stars were bright, The wind was soft, the moon was up, Boris drained his cocoa cup. He licked his lips, he felt sublime, he switched off BBC Question Time, David cringed, in fear and dread, as Boris grabbed his tie and said. “Let's do it, let's Brexit, Brexit while the mood is right, I'm feeling, appealing, I've really got an appetite; I feel spry, my sap's high, I could handle half the widows in the W.I. Let's do it, let's Brexit tonight.” But Dave said, “I can't do it, I can't Brexit, I don't believe in too much “ex”, It's insane, let's remain, leaving makes us nervous wrecks; Your delusion, is an illusion, Osborne's had a word, it's a foregone conclusion, I can't do it, we can't Brexit tonight.” So Bo said, “let's do it, let's Brexit, Brexit till the banks go boom! Go native, creative, let's make ourselves some Lebensraum; This folly, is jolly, I'll make the bloody immigrants feel very sorry, Let's do it, let's Brexit tonight.” But Dave said, “I can't do it, I can't Brexit, I'm not exactly Nige Farage, You're thwarted, I'm sorted, 'cause the fiscal costs of 'out' are large; It's a pity, the nitty gritty, Bores you, so you bugger off and schmooze the City, I can't do it, we're gonna stay in tonight.” Bo Jo said, “let's do it, let's go now, It's eighteen billion pounds to stay, You're pleading, that I'm misleading, but there isn't any other way; Be a mouse and, I'll rabble-rouse and, I'm cutting net migration to the tens of thousands, Let's do it, let's Brexit tonight.” But Dave said, “I can't do it, I won't Brexit, Leaving would be really wrong, You're a liar, pants on fire, you make people feel they don't belong; Stop pouting, stop shouting, And where'm I gonna find a plumber now, to do me grouting? I can't do it, we're remaining tonight.” “Let's do it, let's get out, Think about the wild romance, Of independence, no dependence, this could be our last big chance; To have our big day, to have our own say, But not for bloody Scotland, they'll just do what I say, Let's do it, let's Brexit tonight.” “I can't do it, I can't Brexit, I really wish you'd shut your gob, Don't grouse, you're a louse, and you only want me frigging job; Stop nagging, I'm flagging, And I need to get revenge for all that Eton fagging, I won't Brexit, we'll remain in tonight.” “Let's do it, let's Brexit, the country's really in the mood, Don't glower, I lust power, and refusing would be really rude; Be drastic, gymnastic, you can wear John Major's Y-fronts with the loose elastic! Let's do it, let's sod off tonight.” “I can't do it, I can't Brexit, I'm worried that we're ill-equipped, I'm tearful, I'm fearful, that the Union might become unzipped; Don't use me, don't choose me, Thatcher sent a note to say you must excuse me, “I won't do it, we won't Brexit tonight.” Let's do it, let's Brexit, I feel we absolutely must, I won't exempt you, want to tempt you, You know that I'm the one to trust; No cautions, just contortions, I've got a straight banana in me lower portions, Let's do it, let's Brexit tonight. “I can't do it, I can't Brexit, there's something really quite amiss, I'm harassed, embarrassed, and I wish I hadn't started this; Stop stewing, boo-hooing, I've had a word with Merkel and there's nothing doing, I won't do it, we're not leaving tonight.” “Let's do it, let's Brexit, I really want to run amuck, And if the poor folk, they get more broke, Well I couldn't really give a fuck; Just humour, a late bloomer, You know the job of PM should have been mine sooner, Let's do it, let's Brexiiiit toniiiiiiiiiiiiight. Let's do it, let's get out, I really want to rant and rave, Let's go, 'cause I know, you're only weak and wobbly Dave, You speak weakly, act meekly, I'm gonna beat you on the bottom with 'Pig Farmer's Weekly' And we're gonna do it, we're gonna Brexit toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight”.