The Day Today

A satire of British news programmes. It parodies the 'hard-hitting' Gulf War-era style of journalism, as well as mocking sports journalism, weather reports, American news programmes, business reports, soap operas, 'vox pops', and many other targets.

Cast

• Christopher Morris
• Michael Alexander St John
• Steve Coogan
• David Schneider
• David Owen
• Rebecca Front
• Doon Mackichan
• Tony Haase
• Chris Patten
• Richard Branson
• Prince Charles
• Queen Elizabeth II

• Season 1
• Episode 1: The First
  UK:19 January 1994...
• Episode 2: Big Report
  UK:26 January 1994...
• Episode 3: Meganews
  Keith Mandement: This pool's been open nearly 40 years, and, in all that time I only slipped up once...
• Episode 4: Stretchcast
  UK:9 February 1994...
• Episode 5: News
  UK:16 February 1994...
• Episode 6: Factgasm
  UK:23 February 1994...
• Episode : Pilot
  This pilot episode was never broadcast, but is included on the DVD of the series. The animated graph...

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• The Day - Babyface
• The Day - They Might Be Giants
• The Day - Roots
• The Day - Moby
• The Day - Sonata Arctica
• The Day - Currensy
• The Day - K's Choice
• The Day - Rahsaan Patterson
• The Day - Carpark North
• The Day - Raining Pleasure
• The Day - Mytown
• The Day - Pray For The Soul Of Betty
• The Day - Captain Stu

What must I say
To get inside your head
Why must you always thinkI wanna get in your pants
And why I always gotta be
The closest thing be strong
He need a woman to be strong
Well I ain't cryin', I ain't cryin'
Done 'bout run out of tears
But your're the closest thing to heaven
I need you to be near
Her me darlin', hear me darlin'
I can't make it more clear
The only thing that's gonna get met through
Is if I got you right here
Ooo girl, talk to me
You're the only one that comforts me
My only reality is I want you for my woman
Ooo girl speak to me
Let me hear you sayin' that you'restayin' with me
I know my reality is without you
I ain't nothin' at all
Why does everything I say to you have
to be suspect
Feel like teh only way I'll geht with you
Somthin' blows off my head
Well I ain't tryin' to go out like that
I wanna keep myself clena
Sometime the only thing a brother need
He need the strength from his queen
I ain't lyin', I ain't lyin', done 'bout
run out of time
The only time I wanna d right now
Is feel you by my side
Hear me darlin', hear me darlin'
I can't be more sincere
The only thing that's gonna get me through
Is if I got you right here
Chorus
Well Is aid everthing's gonna be all right
When you stand by my side
Gonna work things out tonight
We're gonna make out just fine
For once I'd like for you to be
The one who hast the faith in me
And I primise I won't
let you down this time
Chorus

The day Marvin Gaye and Phil Ochs got married
The trees all waved their giant arms
And happiness bled from every streetcorner
And biplanes bombed with fluffy pillows
The day Marvin Gaye and Phil Ochs got married
The trees all waved their giant arms
And happiness bled from every streetcorner
And biplanes bombed with fluffy pillows

When I wake up, I look into the mirror
I can see a clearer vision
I should start living today
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
Yeah, it's like every day I wake up
I stare into space and don't say much
Peer in the mirror, feeling dead from the face up
Coffee pots, cigarettes, morning Js, Baileys
Slowing down my day before it picks up the pace
Beats playing since the night before
Thinking 'bout writing songs
Feeling exhausted from times we toured constant
And plus the toxics I sip got me tall
Still tipsy, staring at the city
From the spot we call Los Angeles
Every day is like a blank canvas
Carving my initials in the planet like I brand it
Handpicked to live this life we take for granted
Like a child with an upright bass, we can't stand it
Smiling through the trouble we face, tryna manage
My way without pumping my brakes and staying stagnant
'Cause I can sit on my ass or just imagine
The madness I did on my path and paint the canvas
When I wake up, I look into the mirror
I can see a clearer vision
I should start living today
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
Before I rise and shine like a neon sign
I need the girl of my dreams to give me Einstein
And burn the marijuan' like [incomprehensible]
Is my only bonafide break from these confines
I need a change of scenery like a mind tide
These kids bringing me the noise like the bomb squad
And everybody coming at me from the blindside
I'm tired, it's hard to open up my eyes wide
I listen to some theme music on the iPod
And walk around the crib doing little odd jobs
Checking my breath, take a view from this high rise
Feeling like I'm checking out a game from the sideline
I got to try different things in these trying times
Twenty-ten is different than it was in nine-five
It's come alive time, I picked a fine time
For getting open off life like a fine wine
When I wake up, I look into the mirror
I can see a clearer vision
I should start living today
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
Uh, yeah, Sunday morning, plan my day out
Whole new blueprint, brand new layout
Deep down still don't know if it'll play out
Before the first time, feel like I done found a way out
Skin getting clearer and it feel like I lost weight
Stop and say a prayer for the times I lost faith
Troubles of the world had me in a cross-face
Chicken-wing, sickening, liver so off-base
But now it's like I'm in the last lap of the car chase
And I finally understand my right to choose
My preacher man told me it could always be worse
Even the three-legged dog still got three good legs to lose
So you can stop and refresh the rules
Breathe in, breathe out, let it heal all your exit wounds
Something inside said that's the move
And made it today, I'll restart fresh and new
When I wake up, I look into the mirror
I can see a clearer vision
I should start living today
'Cause today is gonna be the day
Is gonna be the day
'Cause today is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be
The day is gonna be

I tried to know when to leave,
She sits in the bedroom and grieves,
There's a sequence that starts all again,
She can't get up anymore, with the pain.
The combination of these drugs has left her hopeless and lost,
She wants to count the waves, but she can't count again.
I'll be right here,
'Till all the pain just disappears,
I don't want to escape,
'Till all this light just kills the day.
I strangled my words,
Once, I tried a thousand times to swallow like gods when the silver shines so hard.
I tried to poison my life,
Always dreaming of the edge of the knife,
She always looked backwards,
And I could sit here for even ten minutes or more.
I'll be right here,
'Till all the pain just disappears,
I don't want to escape,
'Till all this light just kills the day.
[...]
I will be right here,
'Till all the pain just disappears.
I don't want to escape,

Sea full of diamonds, good morning new day
I'll fix us breakfast, and the newspaper says
The company will lay off 5000 souls today
"I wish I was a child with no worries back then", I say
"Kiss me and smile...", you reply, in your way
You wake up the children for school... for the last time
For suddenly our beautiful life blurs away and the world breaks into pieces
'Cause today the sea came in.
The wave came and stole my loved ones
I write these lines alone
On the rooftop of my home
I'm adrift on the vast oceans, can you feel me?
I will not see you again, even if I live through
The day when the sea came...
Day when the sea came...
Day when the sea came in...
I trace the scenes our children once played
Names carved in wood, all the words, bound to fade
I believe, my love, your memory and dreams deserve to live again tomorrow
My love...
We built this world together, we lived in here together
And shared the fun together, bore the sorrows, all together
My friend...
We'll win the fight together, we'll lose the game together
Greet the heroes all together, and forever, we'll remember
My world...
We built this world together, we lived in here together
And shared the fun together, bore the sorrows, all together
And as long as we're together, in spirit, yet together,
You're the air that I am kissing
You will always be there...
I can feel you in the wind...

Whack niggas sleep rappin and woke up in trouble
Whack niggas with that sleep rap and then woke up in trouble
You were cool ten years ago, your fucking legs bubble
Brand new tires
Rollin down the same old strip new party same old chicks
I'm so sorry
If I don't look happy to be here
In your lable office cause they said I can't smoke weed here
Man fuck it I'm out black on
Than I'm bout it fool
I got a studio in my house
Along with some the perks
That come with my work
Thirty-twenty something sleepin in my diamond supplied shirt
There is not a adjective to describe how I work
Hard is not enough brother I'm tougher
Whack niggas sleepin with that rappin and woke up in trouble
You was cool ten yours ago your fucking legs bubbles, bubble
You gotta now when to hold em now when to fold em
Learn how to roll with the punches
Take em to school give these niggas brown bag lunches
If it anit the jets then it anit nothing
Yo the king closed his cloak
The set was overful
Such a excellent moment
So emotional
He rushed out on the field
So devoted for
Final victory clutch they went postal cold
Glory overload
Hold up hold my coat
Please remeber this day
This changes everything we can do anyting
So you show anyway
My momma told me was always call a spade a spade
Be like chuck d never be like flavor flav, but that clock around his neck is so fly and the way he complimentin chuckie with that bow tie flow make me feel high so
I'm goin spit it my way excuse me as I do me crusin rudely down the high way
I'm young black intelligent elagent blaza
Back to the thesis
To to shooting kraps and talking smack to the polices
Back to black and gold valleys
Dit knees with the creases
Pullin youngin by the coattails
Schoolin em who the beast is
I pray this flow is dumb enough ugh
I pray my heart is dmc and rev run enough
Cause I'm a throw my number up
I'm a throw some chicken bones and feathers on a hundred bucks
And summon up the thunder what?
The voodoo man is coming bro
Can't see the forest full of trees
It's okay, I got my jigsaw and my jumbertruck
Tell them boys their run is up
The king rose his and spoke
The set was overful
Such a beautiful moment
So emotional
They cried out on the field
So devoted for
Whole team champion they went postal cold
Power overload
Hold up hold my coat
Please remeber this day
This changes and so you show anyway

There must be something more I can buy in the store
And I can not ignore the resemblance
With a tune I have heard in a dream that referred
To a beautiful world in which everyone wants
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh
Surprise, surprise, bright light into my eyes
And in the red sky I saw angels fly by
And the angel of death standing next to me said
Now there's only one thing left to do for you, sing with me
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh
And they danced and they drank and they thought it was love
And they played and they thanked the great lord up above
For the money he gave them the sex and the booze
The American dream in which no one can lose
They didn't stop singing with tears in their eyes
Their mouths filled with chocolate and strawberry pies
They were all so excited, they were all very dumb
They had chosen to party the day they dropped the bomb
They dropped the bomb
They dropped the bomb
And they danced and they drank and they thought it was love
And they played and they thanked the great lord up above
For the money he gave them the sex and the booze
The American dream in which no one can lose
And they didnt stop singing with tears in their eyes
Their mouths filled with chocolate and strawberry pies
They were all so excited, they were all very dumb
They had chosen to party the day they dropped the bomb
They dropped the bomb

I've been bad.. .
I've been good
I've done things I'd never thought I do
I've been hurt
I've been torn
been on my knees begging for more
But what I know is that I've
Never been the kinda man without some kind of plan
Cause I believe that in due time
Our souls will be in touch
And our hearts will open up
I'm living for the day when everybody lives for love
Here waiting on the day when everyone just frees up
I'm living for the day when everybody can give love
Leaving behind the days when we didn't care enough
I've been weak.. .
I've been bold.. .
Heard someone say, I didn't fit the mold
I've been lost
I've been found
been through hell but now I'm heaven bound
But all I know is that I've
Got the strength to carry on, though the road ahead is
long
Cause I believe that in due time
Our souls will be In touch
And our hearts will open up
[Chorus]
I'm waiting for you
I've been waiting for you
Let your love come through
I'm waiting for you

Oh here inside
I live, I hide
A place so red an warm...
I feel a sound
A scream so round
I guess it's you who holds me
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours
I become
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours
Here's the day
From night till dawn, my cord is torn
But now the day is here.
To be as new
To see is too
The world is shown to me today
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours
I become
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours
Here's the day
The sky's the limit
It's so exiting
My worlds's exploding
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours
I become
For the first time in life, my life is a life
Through the minutes and hours

Sitting in the time of day when the sun is very warm
Dreaming in a kind of way that a dream is always born
Drifting with the things I feel when I put away my will
Sleeping in the time of day when the sun is very still.
I’m alone here with you
Take my time, take me too.
Leaving in the time of day when the sun is getting cold
Walking in the kind of way when a story has been told
Walking through the things I love and my heart is very
still
Hoping that I’ll dream again and I cannot live until.
I’m alone, I’m with you

I fell in love
I fell in love with you, I fell is love with you
When you were young
Not much older than me
Nothing would happen between us
As far as I could see
The you called 'round
He'd hurt you again
You said you wanted comfort
I wanted to be much more than your friend
It was late, your head was on my chest
You slipped away while I watched you rest
Like a dream you lying here with me
I stroked your hair while you fell asleep
That was that day, I fell in love with you
When I woke up
You were nowhere around
Then I called out your name
But I couldn't hear a sound
I called you up
Put the phone to my mouth
Tried to tell you how I felt
But instead no words came out
I looked up
As you leaned against my door
I held you in my arms
Once more
Like a dream
Your head was on my chest
I slipped away
While I watched you undress
That was the day, I fell in love with you
Like a dream I held you all night long
I love you mare than the sweetest song
That was the day, I fell in love with you
I fell in love
I fell in love with you
I fell in love with you, I fell in love with you
Ever since I saw your face
I knew destiny has taken place
I belong to you

Why...don't you...pick today...to be the day
That you...decide...for the first time not to lie
Do you talk to death
Overfed and programmed
What's the pain on your head
Of the world's eye
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
And if you can't find your way to a better world
Set your will inside
All the inside's live within your mind
I've been to the ends of the earth and
I've seen what it means to be dead and
This land is the best from the west, man
Rise up, pick your line of distraction
Why...don't you...pick today...to be the day
That you...decide...for the first time...this is your life
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
You can't let it go
And if you can't find your way to a better world
Set your will inside
All the inside's live within your mind
I've seen what it takes to be free, man
Be bold, let go of the ....(?)
These things can be had with a strong hand
Take what you want, it's yours, you can't let it go
Take what you want, it's yours, you can't let it go
Take what you want, it's yours, you can't let it go
Take what you want, it's yours, you can't let it go
Take what you want

Daylight seemed like it's never gonna fade
We wasted time away
Expecting paradise to stay
Good vibes were still in town
We passed the beers around
We waged a war on every frown
To fill the world with bliss
Thought we would never miss
That perfectly meaningless kiss
What meaning has this?
Days, they get shorter every week
Nights get colder as we sleep
We're missing time but not a beat
But things are changing still
Got no more time to kill
It seems we've had our fill
Now that there is no more light
Look up into the night
You might see a satellite
You might think it's worth a try
And my friend so did I
But that's when I realized
Some things just pass us by!
Oooh this situation's looking grim
Peanut Butter's spreading thin
We're searching but missing something
But still our hope maintains
A secret hiding place
To welcome back the day
Now that there is no more light
Look up into the night
You might see a satellite
You might think it's worth a try
And my friend so did I
But that's when I realized
Some things just pass us by!
Daylight seemed like it's never gonna fade
We wasted time away
Expecting paradise to stay
Good vibes were still in town
We passed the beers around
We waged a war!
Now that there is no more light
Look up into the night
You might see a satellite
You might think it's worth a try
And my friend so did I
But that's when I realized
Some things have passed...
The day has turned to night!