Petra

Ni-on's house being renovated Events at her school Wedding at her home Next day Sports festival Party with her teachers I built with a Habitat for Humanity group north of Chiang Mai Thailand From Jan 4-20. Then I went to see Ni-on and the fun began. According to the ancient customs and traditions of Esan or Isaan (Northeast Thailand), the village of Nong Pho(pop. 1100) and the Phamujako family, Ni-on and I were married in her home on the morning of January 26,2008. I met Ni-on in 1989 as Petra's Peace Corp Thailand teacher housemate. Petra lived with her for 30 months. Reid later met her in that same setting, saw her subsequently when she came to the US in May of 2007, and in Thailand last October. I first recontacted her in the spring of 2006 following a Habitat build for Tsunami relief. She came to visit the USA in 2007, and I went to see her last October. She is principal of the high school in Nong Pho, and lives in the house where she was born in 1959. Her parents are dead; she has 10 living siblings, and has never been married before. We have been corresponding for some time, and in late December as I was firming up travel plans, she indicated that if I was to stay in her home for some time it would be appropriate to observe certain "Thai customs". What this turned out to mean was that because of her reputation and position in that small close-knit community, it would not do for me to be there without our being married. I was not adverse to the idea, and we had discussed it before, but it was a "maybe someday" kind of thing. I remember years ago anxiously pondering if I should try to learn to ski at the ripe old age of 38. Then someone said," If you don't learn to ski now, next year you will be 39". Well, next July I'll be 72. The news was sort of a shock to Reid and Petra, but they have happily given their blessing. I'm glad they knew her under different circumstances, and that she is not a totally unknown quantity. Petra's description of Ni-on is that she has "an attractive sweetness about her, and plenty of brains and moxie". Ni-on plans to continue her work for a while, so travel and SKYPE will be a large part of our immediate future. That suits us both just fine. Generally my role in the wedding itself was to dress properly, show up, follow directions, and smile a lot (the normal bridegroom duties). I understood little of the content but the body language and feelings were joyously moving. She was hesitant to talk about this, but early on Ni-on indicated that there really needed to be a dowry. It became clear that the money was not important (she wanted to give it back the following day; I insisted that she keep it) but the symbolic meaning was huge in that place. We agreed on an amount sufficiently larger than average to make clear to the community my understanding of her value and position, but not so large as to be obscenely ostentatious. At the wedding, the amount would be good naturedly haggled over and the cash visibly displayed for all to see. Incidentally in a spasm of romantic exuberance I bought Ni-on a new washing machine as a wedding gift. It was received with as much delight as any gift I have given in recent memory. The process started the day before when a dozen old women of the village descended on the house bringing banana leaves and little purple and white flowers about the size of marbles. For hours they sat on the floor gossiping and creating an amazing floral arrangement called "Baay See" used only at weddings and funerals. Later in the day relatives began to arrive from near and far. They would stay two nights in the house. For meals the whole family sat on thin mats spread out on the ceramic tile floor, surrounding dozens of savory selections of curry, vegetables, chicken, shrimp, soup and both regular and sticky rice all prepared by neighbors. There were never less than two people talking at the same time, and a lot of laughing going on. Ni-on's house, built in the early nineteen hundreds, is a relatively large traditional Thai home with the first floor raised up on posts leaving an open ground floor with mature coconut palms on two sides. It has just gotten a new roof. As part of a rehab, all the siding is off. There is no insulation or inner walls, so the only enclosed areas are the bathrooms and the ground floor kitchen (small refrigerator, microwave, bottle gas stove, three cabinets, no sink ) which currently serves as the bedroom. I had to stay at her brother's home the night before the wedding. He was the designated "elder" to represent and and guide me. His son was my attendant. We got up and came to Ni-on's home at 7:00 AM in time for the chanted blessing of the 12 Buddhist Monks who were seated on the floor when we arrived. After the blessing, the monks were given rice in their alms bowls by many members of the family, all scurrying around in front of the monks in a half-crouch as a sign of respect. Then the monks and everyone ate a h

• published: 22 Nov 2008
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