Barry Biggs

Breast Men (1997)

Actors: Chris Cooper (actor), John Stockwell (actor), David Wells (actor), David Schwimmer (actor), Xander Berkeley (actor), Terry O'Quinn (actor), Raphael Sbarge (actor), Alan Blumenfeld (actor), Kim Delgado (actor), Lyle Lovett (actor), Matt Frewer (actor), Michael Cavanaugh (actor), Michael Chieffo (actor), Pamela Adlon (actress), Fred Willard (actor),

Plot: A young plastic surgery intern gets tired of watching exciting developments in other fields (artificial hearts, etc). He finds a new, safe type of breast implants. All he has to do is convince his supervising surgeon it will work, and find a volunteer for the first patient.

Keywords: 1970s, 1980s, adultery, bare-breasts, bikini, blonde, body-part-in-title, boob-job, breast-enlargement, breast-implant
Genres: Comedy, Drama,
Taglines: Two young doctors with a dream of making it big...Really big! Never before has one invention given America such a lift

Quotes:

Terri: Yeah? Well it wasn't so funny to me.

Dr. Christopher Saunders: Hello, Laura.::Laura Pierson: Hi, Kevin. [chuckles] Well, it looks like you're doing well.::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Been busy.::Laura Pierson: Yeah?::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Hmm.::Laura Pierson: Well, my sister, Katey, is really happy with her results.::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Good.::Laura Pierson: Yeah, makes me regret that I didn't take you up on your offer at Baylor, where I could've gotten 'em for free. [chuckles]::Dr. Christopher Saunders: How's Steve?::Laura Pierson: We got divorced about three months ago.::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Oh, I'm sorry.::Laura Pierson: He's not such a nice guy, it turns out. [both chuckle]::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Well, you look good.::Laura Pierson: Thanks. But I wanna look better. So, um... I was thinking that maybe you could give me something like you gave Katey. I mean, I'm a little more skinny on top, and... and she's more, um... Yeah. [chuckles] You're probably totally used to this, right? I should just... show ya.::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Okay.::Laura Pierson: [chuckles as she unties the strings on her suede vest] It's good to see you again.::Dr. Christopher Saunders: Mm-hmm. [Laura opens her vest and reveals her breasts. Dr. Saunders looks at them]::Laura Pierson: So what do you think?::Dr. Christopher Saunders: I think they're super.::Laura Pierson: [happily] Oh, thanks!::Dr. Christopher Saunders: I think we can go bigger.::Laura Pierson: [nervously] How big?

Male Interviewer: Lisanne - 32A, Magazine Editor. [claps board]::Lisanne: You want the bra off too?::Male Interviewer: Yeah.::Lisanne: Now, you're not showing my face, are you?::Female Interviewer: No.::Lisanne: Okay. Because I would die if anyone knew I was doing this. Hold on. [with her face out of our view, Lisanne reaches behind her back, unhooks her bra, and takes it off revealing her fist-sized breasts] There. There you have it. What do you want me to say?::Female Interviewer: How do you feel about your breasts?::Lisanne: How do I feel about my breasts? Well... how would *you* feel about them? I have gone to the Dentist and had tools laid on my chest as though it was a tray, as though it was a totally flat place upon which a person can unthinkingly lay their things on and, you know, get 'em later... I know that you guys probably don't like it that I'm getting the operation because you're feminists or, you know, something. I don't know.::Female Interviewer: No. No, we're not trying to make any judgements here.::Lisanne: Okay. Well, that's good. Because I don't really care if you did, 'cause I would just say, "Kiss my ass." I mean... I'm doing this for me, and I don't care what anybody says. I want to have big tits.

Dr. Christopher Saunders: Where is my fucking father?

Male Interviewer: Arlene - Mary Kay Rep. [claps board]::Arlene: Can I borrow your pencil? [With her face out of view, Arlene receives a pencil, then opens her blouse, baring her breasts. She talks to us] This is called the pencil test. It's supposed to fall to the floor. [She puts the pencil under her left breast. The pencil doesn't fall] I love my children, but I'm a little resentful for what they did to my breasts. [She removes the pencil and returns it] Thanks. It's like someone blew up a balloon and then they let all the air out.

[a board reads "Susan - 36A, Saleswoman." The board claps. With her face out of view, Susan takes her bra off as she starts talking to us]::Susan: I come from a stoic, calvinist background. You didn't complain, unless you had something drastically wrong with you like a broken leg or lung cancer. Well, I feel crippled. I can't go to the beach, I can't get clothes that fit, I can't find a man, Hell, I LOOK like a man. Gloria Steinem doesn't think that breasts are important because she's already got 'em.

[a board reads "Valerie - 34D, Veterinarian." The board claps. With her face out of view, a topless Valerie talks to us]::Valerie: I won't say the operation didn't hurt 'cause it felt like a ton of bricks fell on my chest. But the first time I saw my two new best friends, I was like, "Oh, my God! It was worth it!" My shoulders fit me now, I have a waist... I've been reborn! I rock! This is the way that I was always meant to look.

[a board reads "Darnell - 36DDD, Miss English Spice 1995." The board claps. With her face out of view, Darnell opens her bra from the front and reveals her giant breasts as she starts talking to us]::Darnell: Guys always want to get their hands on these. [Darnell slips her bra off like a button-shirt] You see these women with their National Geographic boobs dripping down their waists. Course their boyfriends always look at me. I needed to get my teeth fixed, too. But I only had enough money for one or the other. I think I made the right choice because now no one even notices that my teeth are crooked.