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Effusive thanks arrive for the work of Pat Sheil, who carried the Column 8 baton for 12 years.
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"Friday, May 20, was Eliza Doolittle Day," reports James Prior, of Sylvania Waters, "as announced in the song, Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait, in the Lerner and Lowe musical My Fair Lady. I wonder if Australian Elizas celebrate it." Were there any Eliza parties that we missed last week?
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"I thought that Column 8 readers would enjoy reading this translation from Taiwanese into English, on the packaging of a product called 'Butter Raisin Pie'," passes on Geoff Lyons, of Lane Cove. "'Boundless merriment with friends getting together. Please enjoy special delicious taste which brings you fantastic feeling.' With promises as colourful as that, how could one refuse?"
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"Michael Maguire may be right on the ABC Vote Compass drop-down list being ambitious, with the year of birth starting at 2016," writes Tim Donovan, of Bahrs Scrub (Column 8, Wednesday), "but full marks to them for not being ageist – the year of birth goes back to 1900. Can anyone tell me how many people there are in Australia over 116 years old?" For the record, the world's oldest person, Susannah Jones, breathed her last a few days ago in New York at the age of 116.
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"Now that the subject of touch typing has been exhausted," types Alastair Wilson, of Balmain (and yes, it certainly has!), "might we find out the longest word able to be typed on the top row of a QWERTY keyboard? My guess is 'typewriter', but I await further suggestions. The other two rows don't seem to offer much: 'Galahads', perhaps, for row two, and nothing pronounceable from the third."
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"The Saturday Illawarra Mercury," reports Alyn Vincent, of Thirroul, "carried the usual real estate liftout. One of the homes had a special feature: 'A flat gassy area and fire pit suitable for children'."
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"Last Friday passed without the usual warnings about avoiding risky behaviour on that fateful day," writes Allan Garrick, of Balmain. "Are we witnessing the death of Friday the 13th?" Yes. Column 8 witnessed its demise on our way to work last week. Friday the 13th was staring at its mobile, listening to loud rap music through headphones, walked under a ladder, tripped over a black cat, and fell under a bus.
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"Further to your correspondence on GMT," adds Denis Herrett, of Bomaderry, "I spent many years in the RAF, and we used 13.54 GMT when flying overseas, or 13.54 Local when flying over Britain. Then the French 'got their oar in' and we had to use 13.54 UTC (Universal Time Coordinated). Whose clock were they using?" Thank you Denis, but we're not sure whether we are now better informed, or utterly baffled.
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"I have established 'The Anti Redundant Pronoun Society'," announces Andrew Thompson, of Chatswood West, "dedicated to the elimination from our speech of pronouns that serve no useful purpose as, for example, in 'What happened was that mud was flung.' How much more elegant, and ink-saving, would be 'Mud was flung', or even 'Mud flew'? Who will join me in the great campaign?" Column 8 has already signed on.
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"The mean in Greenwich Mean Time has its usual meaning of 'average'," asserts Phil Morey, of observatories unknown (Column 8, Wednesday). "Solar time varies slightly day to day due to a completely unregulated wobble of the Earth, and GMT takes the average of this and corrects it to make every day equal to 24 hours. Solar time can vary by up to 30 seconds from mean time." We can sense a furious geeky debate looming with this one...
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"The mention of kindergartens in Wednesday's Column 8," writes Ian Matthews, of Bondi, "reminded me of a T-shirt that we bought for our grandson recently, which has written on it 'What Happens At Kindy Stays at Kindy'. Being something of a socialist in my younger days, I couldn't resist buying him a second with the well-known image of Che Guevara on the front, although underneath it reads 'I Have No idea Who This Is..."'
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"I'm overwhelmed by the response to my query last week as to words that can be touch-typed with one hand," taps Denis Gray, of Toukley, who started the whole thing.
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"My former colleague Professor McCarry (Column 8, May 6) will know that his near-namesake, Justice Megarry, of England, once decided a case involving matters uxorial," writes Professor Peter Butt, of Wollstonecraft. "The judge considered whether a purchaser, buying a property that appeared to be owned by a husband, should be on the look-out for any interest owned by the wife. The risk was so great, said the judge, that there should be displayed in every conveyancer's office the minatory legend 'Cave uxorem', which means 'beware of wives'."
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Stein Boddington, of St Clair, didn't quite match the 12-letter "stewardesses" with an 11-letter "effervesced" (words that can be touch-typed with one's left hand, Column 8, since Thursday), but ups the ante by offering complete sentences: "We rested a decade after we federated," and "We traversed a desert, dragged after a car." Meanwhile Fraser Rew, of Newtown, boasts "I can write my full name without engaging my right hand."
Column 8: touch-typing, Trump, kindergarten jargon and a hot budgie
Any advance on stewardesses as the longest word that may be typed with one hand?
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"I reply to Brett Jack's question on whether it's necessary to raise your hands as if being robbed while the parking assist is in operation in your vehicle," responds Rose Cunningham, of Yarravel (Column 8, Wednesday), "the answer is a deafening YES! Otherwise those watching would unable to express their awe and admiration for the smug cleverness of buying a vehicle that parks itself. But I recently saw such a driver drawing attention by the raising of hands, which only caused onlookers to shake their heads, remarking on the hopeless mug who couldn't execute a parallel park."
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"In the instruction manual for a recently purchased solar panel controller," reports John Ingle, of Croydon Park, "among the many preventative features listed in disjointed English, they (rightly) proclaimed its ability to 'avoid fulguration'. This gave me confidence in its ability to safely meet my requirements." We had to look this up, and yes, fulguration is something to avoid when possible. It is "the destruction of small growths or areas of tissue using diathermy". Diathermy? More tomorrow...
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"Kerry Lee Brown may well have had enough of 'enough is enough'," writes Rob Pickavance, of Alexandria (Column 8, Tuesday), "but has she ever considered that 'never say never' says 'never' twice?"
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"Could somebody please explain why the various sporting codes insist on having someone sing the national anthem before contests between two local club sides?" asks Norman Pollock, of Bellmere.
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"Help, please!" begs John Christie, of Oatley. "How do I undo the fiddly wrapper on a Band-Aid, while elevating the cut hand to assuage the bleeding?"
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"I can't image it happening in this column, nor on the Herald Letters page," writes Allan Gibson, of Cherrybrook, "however, the 'Your Say' page in Thursday's Northern District Times included a letter given the heading 'Owls and cockatoos need somewhere to live too' and 'signed' by one 'Mickey', the Powerful Owlet, Byles Creek Valley, Beecroft." But Alan, it just did happen in this column!
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"My wife and I are going overseas in the next few months," reports John Boyce, of Cromer, "so I needed to renew my passport. The new one arrived today. Her first remark was 'Why did you renew it for ten years?' It took a little time to see that she thought ten years was too long. I'm only 81 years old. Should I be seeking protection?"
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"The ABC TV news gave the answer, showing Tim Peake harnessed to the stationary treadmill," advises Terry Lanz, of Mona Vale (space station astronaut "held down by weights" in zero-g, Column 8, Tuesday). "Incidentally, how much does a weight weigh in zero gravity?" As we understand it, a 50 kilogram weight has a mass of 50 kilograms wherever it is, but on the ISS it doesn't weigh anything.
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"Just when did poppies come to symbolise Anzac Day?" asks John Rand, of Belrose. "They were everywhere! What do people have against using rosemary?" Column 8 has always associated poppies with Armistice Day, November 11. Have they become a generic WWI flower for all occasions?
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Busted! "Australia Post refuse to attempt delivery to our apartment in North Sydney," alleges Ken Taylor. "They either send an email, or have the postie deliver a card saying they tried to deliver but there was no one home. They excelled themselves on Friday when they sent the email at 6am, stating they had attempted delivery at 8am, but no one was home, so they had to sent the parcel to North Sydney Post Office."
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We regularly receive exasperated emails from readers baffled and infuriated by Friday's mind-bending Cryptic crossword, but rarely are they as succinct as this one, from Bob Smith, of Coffs Harbour, who opines "DA should see a shrink."
