Alf Poier (born 22 February 1967 in Judenburg, Styria) is an Austrian artist and stand-up comedian.
Born in Judenburg in Styria, he started doing cabaret in 1995 in Graz, and has won several prizes for his work, including the Salzburger Stier in 1998, the Deutscher Kleinkunstpreis, Prix Phanteon and RTL Comedy Award in 2000 and the Austrian Karl in 2002.
In 2003, Poier participated in the Eurovision Song Contest 2003 and secured 6th place with his entry Weil der Mensch zählt ("Man is The Measure Of All Things"). The song, and his stage act, were a parody of the contest's excesses.
Although his result was considerably better than most of the pre-contest predictions, Poier spent several hours mischievously telling anyone that would listen that his 'low' placing was an outrage, that Europe had demonstrably shown itself to have no musical taste, and that he wasn't sure if the shame would permit him to return to Austria. This included an appearance on Liquid Eurovision, shown on the UK channel BBC Three immediately after the 2003 contest ended, where after saying the above he shouted "I hate this contest! Fuck this contest!", causing much laughter from the presenters.
Die Tiere dieser Erde die mog i ziemlich gern
Doch am allerliebsten mog i die Haserl und die Bärn
Es sterben bald alle Vögel es sterbn bald alle Käfer
Nur im Bett da liegt der Adam und vermehrt sich mit der Eva
Die Hosn leben im Woid
Die Kotzn in da Wiesn
Und die Kakerlaken
Die leben hinter die Fliesn
Klane Haserl haben kurze Naserl
Und klane Katzerl haben weiche Bratzerl
Und die Frau Holle hot gern die Wolle
Vom Tromeda aus Afrika
Der Unterschied zwischen Tieren zwischen Affen und Primaten
Der is net vü größer wie bei Nudl und Fritatten
Doch wer mehr über Tiere wissen wü muß Biologie studiern
Oder sich im Anschluß auf meiner Homepage informieren
Manche Tiere die haben Flügl
Und andere haben Flossn
Manche liegn im Freien
Und die andern in da Dosn
Klane Haserl...