http://interpersonality.com How do relationships work? All relationships are defined by your Psyche-Type. To keep it simple, there are two types of relationships. These can be described as Public or Open and Private or Intimate Public relationships are those you can walk away from; these include workmates, friends and in some cases even uncles, aunts or a parent. Private relationships include family and partners -- people you want to be with and stay close to. A successful intimate relationship requires sacrifice, luck, maturity and compromise but above all, Psychological compatibility which can be greater than all the others put together. So what makes for a compatible private or intimate relationship? So that we're all on the same page, let's start with a quick overview of the psyche. I'm going to use the example of INTP here, but the principles are the same for everyone. In your psyche you have 8 mental functions; we all do - and your psyche-type indicates which four of these you innately prefer. These are the four functions you use in your conscious mind; your conscious functions -- collectively, also known as your ego. Below the dotted line are the remaining 4 functions, which you have little control over, because they are your unconscious functions. The same configuration applies to all types -- here's a few additional examples and you can fill in the rest. There are many different naming systems for the positions of each function in the psyche -- numerically: primary, secondary, tertiary -- by archetype: warrior, parent, child -- dominant, auxiliary, tertiary -- and divided into pairs; the dominant and inferior pair. They refer to the same positions, so use which ever you feel comfortable with. So, returning to the question of psychological compatibility, we'll leave the unconscious functions for a moment and focus on the ego, or conscious functions; the first four functions in the psyche; the ones we use most. In intimate relationships, the number one compatibility is: Same conscious functions BUT ideally in the opposite order By opposite, I mean either same functions and same energy -- for example INTP and ISFJ -- which on our diagram looks like this. Or alternatively, same functions and different energy -- such as INTP and ESFJ -- which on our diagram looks like this. The second most important relationship compatibility is same perception function. Why, because your perception function is not controllable (Jung called perception irrational) where-as your judgment function is able to be moderated (Jung called it rational). Again, this comprises two options -- either same perception, same energy, as in the case of ISTJ and ISFJ for example, or same perception, different energy, as would be the case for ISTJ and ESFJ, for example. These two compatibilities make up over 80% of all intimate relationships. The last extremely important contributor is maturity -- that's right -- maturity -- which is also why so many relationships fall apart. This doesn't mean that you get better as you get older; maturity is not always a function of age; in this case it is about whether you need to be right -- making the other person wrong. Since wrong can mean "not the same as me" then clearly, when someone has a different viewpoint we tend to make them wrong. This does not result in happy, long-term relationships. When we get bogged down in our own ego (attachment) we become intolerant of the other person's values, so a person who knows their own mind but doesn't have to always be right will enjoy a better chance of a successful relationship, both in Public and Private. Whether by luck or good management, people who know themselves and are tolerant of other people's values enjoy great relationships. Intimate Relationships are analysed in the InterPersonality workshop (and eBook) "You're My Type". Based on hundreds of interviews and biographies superimposed on Psyche-Type, we have analysed what works, why and when it can come undone. Just as any relationship will fail when a deal-breaker is introduced, any relationship can succeed so long as each person's values are honoured and maintained. Anyone can have a great relationship; knowing who you are and what you can expect from your partner will make all the difference.

• published: 17 Apr 2012
• views: 12881