The Simpsons

The Simpsons is an animated sitcom about the antics of a dysfunctional family called the Simpsons (surprise surprise). Homer is the oafish unhealthy beer loving father, Marge is the hardworking homemaker wife, Bart is the ten year old underachiever (and proud of it), Lisa is the unappreciated eight year old genius, and Maggie is the cute, pacifier loving silent infant.

Cast

• Julie Kavner
• Nancy Cartwright
• Yeardley Smith
• Dan Castellaneta
• Hank Azaria
• Harry Shearer

• Season 1
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
  Bart: I can't believe it, but it looks as though television has betrayed me....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Bart the Genius
  [playing Scrabble]::Bart: Kwyjibo: K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points. Plus, triple-word score, plus f...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Homer's Odyssey
  Marge Simpson: There there, Homer. You'll find a job. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: There's No Disgrace Like Home
  Homer: Okay, now look. My boss is going to be at this picnic, so I want you to show your father some...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Bart the General
  Bart: You know, there are names for people like you.::Lisa: No there aren't.::Bart: Teacher's pet. A...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Moaning Lisa
  Bleedin' Gums Murphy: You know, you play pretty well for someone with no real problems....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Call of the Simpsons
  [Homer gets shot with a tranquilizer dart]::Bart: Dad! Oh, Dad!::Homer: Avenge me, son. Avenge my de...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Telltale Head
  Bart: Uh, ma'am, what if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really, really bad figh...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Life on the Fast Lane
  Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?::Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car wi...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Homer's Night Out
  [after seeing Bart's photo of Homer with princess Kashmir]::Homer: [to Bart] Why, you little...!::[c...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: The Crepes of Wrath
  [Marge and Lisa come home, and find Homer lying on his back, unable to move]::Marge Simpson: Homer! ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Krusty Gets Busted
  Krusty the Clown: Hand over all your money in a paper bag!::Apu: Yes, yes, I know the procedure for ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Some Enchanted Evening
  Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service Receptionist: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Serv...
• Season 2
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Bart Gets an F
  Bart: As God is my witness, I *can* pass the fourth grade!::Homer: And if you don't pass, you'll sti...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Simpson and Delilah
  [Bart shatters Homer's bottle of hair-restoring Dimoxinil]::Homer: [strangling Bart] BOY-MUST-DIE!::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Treehouse of Horror
  Narrator: Quoth the raven...::Bart: Eat my shorts!::Homer: D'oh!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
  Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I wer...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Dancin' Homer
  This is the first episode in the series to feature a guest star as himself, in this case, 'Tony Benn...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Dead Putting Society
  [browsing the card catalog]::Lisa: Let's see, Golf... Anecdotes... Eisenhower and... Fashion... Humo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Bart vs. Thanksgiving
  Homer: Operator. Give me the number for 911....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Bart the Daredevil
  Captain Lance Murdock is based on 'Evel Knievel' (qv)....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Itchy and Scratchy and Marge
  [Marge's plan to get "Itchy and Scratchy" off the air backfires]::Marge: I guess one person *can* ma...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Bart Gets Hit by a Car
  Lawyer: Your Honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, an...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
  [Marge suggests they go out for sushi]::Bart: Sushi? Maybe this is just something one hears on the p...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: The Way We Was
  Homer: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment
  Homer: Family, gather round, I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.::Bart, Lisa: C...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Principal Charming
  Principal Skinner: Gentlemen, according to my sources, you are planning to simultaneously drop your ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
  Homer: Oh, Herb. Because of me you lost your house and your business. Maybe it would've been better ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Bart's Dog Gets an F
  Miss Emily Winthrop: [to Santa's Little Helper] You son of a bitch! Good show!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Old Money
  Grampa: I miss Bea.::[Bea's ghost appears next to him]::Beatrice Simmons: I miss you, too.::[Grampa ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Brush with Greatness
  Bart Simpson: [sees the line] Ay carumba! Okay, Lis, turn on the waterers, babe.::Lisa Simpson: [sta...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Lisa's Substitute
  Bart: [on Lisa] I knew someone was gonna say it, but I can't believe it was her.::Homer: Did you hea...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The War of the Simpsons
  [Homer lies in a drunken heap]::Marge: I've never been so embarrassed in my life.::Homer: Why, what ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Three Men and a Comic Book
  Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.::Homer: Son, I am proud of you. I was twice ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Blood Feud
  Homer: Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. But you're living in a world of make-believe....
• Season 3
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Stark Raving Dad
  Doctor: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme parano...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
  Faith Crowley: Lisa, I'm Faith Crowley, Patriotism editor of Reading Digest.::Homer: Oh I love your ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: When Flanders Failed
  Lisa: Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?::Homer: No, I don't know what "shaden-frawde" is.::[sa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Bart the Murderer
  Bart: Aah! You ate my homework?... I didn't know dogs really did that....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Homer Defined
  Smithers: Sir, they may never be another time to say... I love you, sir.::Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Like Father, Like Clown
  Homer Simpson: Mel Brooks is Jewish?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Treehouse of Horror II
  [Homer yelps as Smithers and Mr. Burns drag him through a cemetary in a bag]::Smithers: Listen, sir!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Lisa's Pony
  [Homer has to buy Lisa a pony]::Millicent: Our ponies start at five thousand dollars, cash.::Homer: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Saturdays of Thunder
  Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.::Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.::Homer's Brain: Okay...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Flaming Moe's
  Moe: Moe's Tavern.::Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
  [when the plant is bought by super-efficient Germans, Homer becomes terrified that he will be fired]...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: I Married Marge
  Homer: You in charge here?::Mr. Burns: Yes.::Smithers: I'll call security sir.::Homer: If you want t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Radio Bart
  Homer: Yeah, that Timmy O'Tool is a real hero.::Lisa: How so dad?::Homer: Well... he fell in a well....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Lisa the Greek
  Bart: You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom? Because the kids who wear them get *beaten up*.::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Homer Alone
  Bart: I've said it before, and I'll say it again... aye carumba!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Bart the Lover
  Elizabeth Hoover: I fail to see the educational value of this assembly.::Mrs. Krabappel: Ah, it will...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Homer at the Bat
  Jose Canseco: So I'll get $50,000 to play one game?::Waylon Smithers: That's right, Mr. Canseco.::Jo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Separate Vocations
  Janey: Well, that was a waste of time.::Lisa: Janey, school is never a waste of time.::Elizabeth Hoo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Dog of Death
  Bart: We're just gonna let him die?::Marge: Bart, I know you're upset...::Bart: Darn right I'm upset...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Colonel Homer
  Redneck 1: Let's fight.::Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Black Widower
  Bart: Bart no like. Bad medicine....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: The Otto Show
  Homer: Son, come here. Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Bart's Friend Falls in Love
  Samantha Stanky: How will we know when we fall in love?::Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, don't worry children. M...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
  [sitting in a vibrating massage chair]::Homer: Now excuse me while I kiss the sky....
• Season 4
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Kamp Krusty
  Homer: Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: A Streetcar Named Marge
  Ms. Sinclair: Mrs. Simpson... do you know what a child is saying when it's reaching for the bottle?:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Homer the Heretic
  [Homer pooh-poohs churchgoing]::Marge: Don't make me choose between my man and my God, because you j...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Lisa the Beauty Queen
  Lisa: [sobbing] I'm ugly, dad.::Homer: No you're not. You're cute as a bug's ear.::Lisa: Fathers hav...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Treehouse of Horror III
  Shopkeeper: [Homer has agreed to purchase a Krusty doll for Bart's birthday] Take this object, but b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
  Marge: Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Marge Gets a Job
  Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to hel...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: New Kid on the Block
  Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your hu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Mr. Plow
  Total Disaster Insurance Man: Now this place you were at, Moe's, is this a business of some sort?::H...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Lisa's First Word
  Patty: The older they get, the cuter they ain't. Aww, look. The baby just spit up....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Homer's Triple Bypass
  Dr. Julius Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.::Homer Sim...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Marge vs. the Monorail
  Marge Simpson: [Marge opens a closet in the monorail] Homer, there's a family of opossums in here!::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Selma's Choice
  Lisa: I am the lizard queen!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Brother from the Same Planet
  Blackjack Dealer: 19.::Homer: Hit me.::Blackjack Dealer: 20.::Homer: Hit me.::Blackjack Dealer: 21.:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: I Love Lisa
  Janey: Miss Hoover, can we exchange our valentines?::Miss Hoover: Not just yet, Janey. First, we're ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Duffless
  [during the 1960 vice-presidential debates on TV]::John F. Kennedy: I would like to take this opport...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Last Exit to Springfield
  Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.::Homer: [thin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
  Homer: God bless those pagans....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: The Front
  Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Whacking Day
  Homer: Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.::[Dissolve to i...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Marge in Chains
  Lionel Hutz: Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she *forgot* that bottle of... delicious... bourbon....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Krusty Gets Kancelled
  [Krusty is trying to talk Sideshow Mel into quitting his job a fast-food joint]::Krusty the Clown: B...
• Season 5
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Homer's Barbershop Quartet
  [the Be-Sharps perform on a building rooftop]::George Harrison: It's been done....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Cape Feare
  [the Simpsons are in an office with two FBI men letting them know about going to the federal witness...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Homer Goes to College
  [as the nerds move into the Simpson home]::Marge Simpson: Mmm...::Homer: Marge, they don't anywhere ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Rosebud
  Bart: Hey, Apu, this bag of ice has a head in it!::Apu: Ooh, a head bag. Those are chock full of... ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Treehouse of Horror IV
  Lisa Simpson: Dad, Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!::Montgomery Burns: Why, Bart's right her...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Marge on the Lam
  [Homer needs to leave the house in a hurry]::Bart: You're right, Dad. We don't need a babysitter.::H...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Bart's Inner Child
  Ralph Wiggum: [while jumping] Weee! Ouch! I bit my tongue!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Boy Scoutz 'n the Hood
  Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... exc...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer
  [first lines]::Bart: [finishes with his paintbrush] The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mer...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: $pringfield (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
  Lisa: [about her state costume] I'm a monster!::Homer: No, lisa, you're not a monster. The only mons...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Homer the Vigilante
  Kent Brockman: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and in this house a creature *was* stirring. But th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Bart Gets Famous
  Conan O'Brien: [Bart starts dancing before the break] Only I may dance....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Homer and Apu
  [Apu is shot]::Apu: Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
  Can Of Nuts: Nuts and gum: together at last!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Deep Space Homer
  Mr. Burns: Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the ra...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Homer Loves Flanders
  Homer: This is Ned Flanders, my friend!::Carl: What'd he say?::Lenny: I dunno, something about being...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Bart Gets an Elephant
  Homer: Well, these bills will have to be paid out of your allowance.::Bart: You'll have to raise my ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Burns' Heir
  Milhouse: [auditioning to become Burns's heir] I have nothing to offer you but my love.::Mr. Burns: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
  Ned Flanders: Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful day.::Superintendent Chalmers: "Thank the L...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Boy Who Knew Too Much
  Principal Skinner: Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Lady Bouvier's Lover
  Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so i...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Secrets of a Successful Marriage
  Marge: We don't think you're slow. But on the other hand, it's not like you go to museums or read bo...
• Season 6
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Bart of Darkness
  Lisa: As you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getti...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Lisa's Rival
  [Lisa fears a new girl in school is more talented than she]::Marge: Believe me, honey. She's more sc...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Another Simpsons Clip Show
  Homer Simpson: Huh? What's wrong? House ran away? Dog on fire?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Itchy & Scratchy Land
  Lisa Simpson: Dad, remember when you said going to Itchy & Scratchy Land would be too damn expensive...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Sideshow Bob Roberts
  Sideshow Bob: [Bob calls Birch Barlow's show during a prison riot] I am presently incarcerated, impr...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Treehouse of Horror V
  Homer Simpson: [chops down a door a la The Shining] Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!::[there's no one in th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Bart's Girlfriend
  Homer: If he didn't take the money, why is he wearing those fancy clothes?::Marge: That's what he wo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Lisa on Ice
  [Lisa is playing goalie for a minor hockey team]::Lisa: Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Homer Badman
  Homer: Hello. I am Homer Simpson. Or as some of you wags have dubbed me, Father Goose....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
  Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Fear of Flying
  [after Homer has been banned from Moe's, a man comes in who looks exactly like Homer except for a fa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Homer the Great
  Homer: Why won't those stupid idiots let me into their crappy club for jerks?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: And Maggie Makes Three
  Homer: So many memories... Ah, look, "Night Boat"::Bart: Aw...::Bart: Look, you can see our mirror t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Bart's Comet
  Principal Skinner: Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Homie the Clown
  [gunshot, Flanders is knocked down]::Ned Flanders: Whew, good thing I always keep a Bible next to my...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Bart vs. Australia
  Homer: When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have n...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Homer vs. Patty and Selma
  Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: A Star Is Burns
  Lisa: I like him. He's smart, he's sensitive, he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Lisa's Wedding
  Moe: Oho, an English buy, huh? You know, we saved your ass in World War II.::Hugh St. John Alastair ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
  Homer Simpson: Hmm, I guess Bart's not to blame. He's lucky too, because it's spanking season, and I...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The PTA Disbands
  [in the school cafeteria]::Mrs. Krabappel: Seymour, you have to think of the children's future.::Sey...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: 'Round Springfield
  Bleedin' Gums Murphy: Then there was the time I guest-starred on "The Cosby Show".::Bill Cosby: Kids...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: The Springfield Connection
  Homer: But Marge, you being a cop makes you the man. Which makes me the woman. And I have no interes...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Lemon of Troy
  Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have ha...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Who Shot Mr. Burns?: Part 1
  Mr. Burns: Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun. I shall do the next best...
• Season 7
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Who Shot Mr. Burns?: Part 2
  Mr. Burns: Officers, arrest the baby.::Chief Wiggum: Yeah, right, pops. No jury in the world is goin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Radioactive Man
  Rainer Wolfcastle: Up and at them.::Dialogue coach: No, "Up and atom".::Rainer Wolfcastle: Up and at...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily
  [Homer dials the Flanders', who have taken his kids into foster care]::Voice on Phone: The number yo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Bart Sells His Soul
  Rev. Lovejoy: And now, please rise for our opening hymn "In The Garden Of Eden" by I. Ron Butterfly....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Lisa the Vegetarian
  Homer: Wow, Barney. You brought a whole beer keg.::Barney: Yeah... where do I fill it up?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Treehouse of Horror VI
  Principal Skinner: Children, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation. There's no mystery about ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: King Size Homer
  [Homer tries to call the nuclear power plant]::Woman on Phone: The fingers you have used to dial are...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Mother Simpson
  [kicking Walt Whitman's tombstone]::Homer: Damn you, Walt Whitman! I-hate-you-Walt-freaking-Whitman!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
  Col. Leslie "Hap" Hapablap: We've searched this airbase from top to bottom, and all we've found is p...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
  Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such Fox Network specials as "Alien Nos...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Marge Be Not Proud
  Homer Simpson: STEALING! How could you? Why do you think I took you to see all those "Police Academy...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Team Homer
  [after getting school uniforms]::Bart: These uniforms suck.::Marge: Bart, where did you pick up word...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Two Bad Neighbors
  [Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]::Homer: I guess y...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
  [Homer and Mr. Burns are playing golf; Homer is in a sand trap]::Mr. Burns: For god sakes, man. Use ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Bart the Fink
  [Krusty faces imprisonment after being revealed as a tax fraud]::Krusty the Clown: I can't go to jai...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Lisa the Iconoclast
  Homer Simpson: You suckdiddlyuk Flanders!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Homer the Smithers
  Smithers: Mr. Burns can't stand talking to his mother. He never forgave her for having that affair w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: The Day the Violence Died
  Krusty: Well, Itchy & Scratchy are gone. But here's a cartoon that tried to make learning fun! Sorry...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: A Fish Called Selma
  Chief Wiggum: [after pulling over Troy McClure] I'll tear this ticket up, but I'm, um, still going t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Bart on the Road
  [on working at the DMV]::Patty: Some days we don't let the line move at all.::Selma: Yeah, we call t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: 22 Short Films About Springfield
  Lou: I went to the McDonald's over in Shelbyville the other day.::Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?::Lou: Y...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish'
  Bart: [to Mr. Burns, who is going to steal some paintings] Mr. Burns, can you take me with you? I wo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Much Apu About Nothing
  Mayor Quimby: Are these morons getting dumber or just louder?::Quimby's Aide: Dumber, sir....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Homerpalooza
  Homer: I was in a record store, and they were playing all these bands I'd never heard of. It was lik...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Summer of 4 Ft. 2
  Marge: I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends. All you have to do is be yourself.::Lisa: Be myself? ...
• Season 8
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror VII
  Lisa Simpson: Oh my God! I've created life!::Marge Simpson: Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles!::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: You Only Move Twice
  Bart: So, what you in here for?::Gordy: I'm from Canada and everyone thinks I'm slow, eh.::Dot: I fe...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: The Homer They Fall
  Homer Simpson: You used to be a boxer just like me?::Moe Szyslak: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Burns, Baby Burns
  Larry Burns: This place is emptier than a Scottish pay toilet....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Bart After Dark
  Rev. Lovejoy: Thanks a lot, Marge. That was our only burlesque house....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: A Milhouse Divided
  Kirk Van Houten: Take my hand with your glove of love!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Lisa's Date with Density
  Mr. Dewey Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word "tromboner"?::Lisa Simpson...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Hurricane Neddy
  [a tape of Ned's childhood. Young Ned hits a little boy]::Ned Flanders: I'm Dick Tracy! Take that, P...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer
  Chief Wiggum: I've added a secret ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacateneng...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: The Springfield Files
  Frog 1: Bud...::Frog 2: ...Wei...::Frog 3: ...Ser::Frog 1: Bud...::Frog 2: ...Wei...::Frog 3: ...Ser...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
  Marge Simpson: Look at them! They've jumped on the one franchise I might have considered thinking ab...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Mountain of Madness
  Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been heari...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-Annoyed-Grunt-cious
  Shary Bobbins: [singing] Wasted away again in Margaritaville.::Barney: [singing] Searching for my lo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
  Homer: [as Poochie] Kids, always recycle... to the extreme!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Homer's Phobia
  Homer: ...And the whole steel mill was gay.::Moe: Jeez, where ya been, Homer? The whole steel *indus...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Brother from Another Series
  Lisa: Face it, Bart, Sideshow Bob has changed.::Bart: No he hasn't. He's more the same than ever....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: My Sister, My Sitter
  Lisa: Enjoy Bob Saget.::Chief Wiggum: That's Bob Seger.::[looks at his tickets]::Chief Wiggum: Dang ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Homer vs. the 18th Amendment
  [At the St. Patrick's Day Parade]::Kent Brockman: All this drinking, violence, destruction of proper...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Grade School Confidential
  Principal Skinner: We're not coming down until you acknowledge and celebrate our love!::Maude Flande...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Canine Mutiny
  Groundskeeper Willy: Yeah, I bought your mutt. And I 'ate him! [raises a huge bone of meat]::Bart Si...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Old Man and the Lisa
  [Lisa and Mr. Burns are collecting cans at the beach]::Mr. Burns: You mean there are actually people...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: In Marge We Trust
  Akira: [on phone] Hai... Hai... Hai... Bye.::Akira: [hangs up and turns to Homer, Bart, Lisa]::Akira...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Homer's Enemy
  Frank Grimes: [Referring to the Simpson's house] THIS PLACE IS A PALACE! I MEAN, I LIVE IN A SINGLE ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
  Moe: Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on lov...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
  Lisa: Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beauti...
• Season 9
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
  Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girls college!::Carl: No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!::Homer Simps...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: The Principal and the Pauper
  Armin Tamzarian: Hello Edna, I know we were planning on seeing a movie tonight, but, instead I'm lea...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Lisa's Sax
  Man in "Twin Peaks": That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror VIII
  Patty: So you've finally left Derwood?::Marge Simpson: His name is Homer....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: The Cartridge Family
  Homer: I don't have to be careful. I have a gun....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Bart Star
  Martin Prince: Hey, Bart. We wear the same underpants!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
  Apu: Homer, you've got to help me!::Homer Simpson: Okay. Seems to me... [clears throat] What you oug...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Lisa the Skeptic
  Lisa: If you believe in angels then why not unicorns or leprechauns?::Kent Brockman: Oh Lisa everyon...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Realty Bites
  [first lines]::Homer Simpson: [lounging on the couch in his pajamas, drinking beer] Ah. I love these...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
  Homer Simpson: Well, there's no easy way to say it, kids. God hates us....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: All Singing, All Dancing
  Homer: I'm back...::Marge: Did you rent "Waiting to Exhale"?::Homer: [sadly] No... they put me on th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Bart Carny
  Bart: [Driving Hitler's car] Outa my way, I'm Hitler!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Joy of Sect
  Hans Moleman: [in a "Just Crichton and King bookstore"] Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?::Book...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Das Bus
  [last lines]::Narrator: So the children learned how to function as a society, and eventually they we...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: The Last Temptation of Krust
  [Homer walks into the bathroom to use the lavatory]::Bart Simpson: Dad!::Homer: [laughs] Whoops, sor...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Dumbbell Indemnity
  Homer Simpson: Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath.::Bart Simpson: Yeah, Mom says a l...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Lisa the Simpson
  Lisa Simpson: [on TV] Hello, my name is Lisa Simpson.::[Marge gasps]::Lisa Simpson: I'm supposed to ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: This Little Wiggy
  Bart Simpson: Got any threes?::Ralph Wiggum: [Ralph is holding three threes] Go fish.::Bart Simpson:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Simpson Tide
  Lenin: Must crush capitalism!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Trouble with Trillions
  Homer Simpson: Marge, you wouldn't believe it! They sell shredded meat on the street corners!::Cuban...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Girly Edition
  [Bart doing a newscast on a kids news show]::Bart: Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Trash of the Titans
  TV Editing Woman: Okay. Camera two. [Homer starts pushing buttons] Uh, excuse me. This is a restrict...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: King of the Hill
  Sherpa #1: [subtitled] I foresaw your death last night.::Sherpa #2: [subtitled] Stop saying that....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 24: Lost Our Lisa
  Homer: [to Lisa, while breaking into a museum] Could you open the window? The cop's have Daddy's pri...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 25: Natural Born Kissers
  [as Homer hangs naked, from a hot air balloon]::Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's ha...
• Season 10
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Lard of the Dance
  Homer Simpson: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
  [Lisa tells Homer about Thomas Edison]::Homer: No one man can do all that. You're a liar, honey. A d...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Bart the Mother
  Bart Simpson: [Bart has raised lizard eggs, but they are to be destroyed] Everyone thinks they're mo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror IX
  Marge Simpson: [after the aliens left] Suckers!::Homer Simpson: [to Maggie] Come on Maggie. Let's go...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: When You Dish Upon a Star
  Homer Simpson: Well, I'll always have my prank calls. [dials his cell phone] Hello? Old lady from "T...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: D'oh-in' in the Wind
  Bart Simpson: Hey, what the heck is your middle name, anyway?::Homer Simpson: You know, I have no id...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Lisa Gets an 'A'
  Marge Simpson: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. You got the highest grade in the class!::Lisa Simpson...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Homer Simpson in: 'Kidney Trouble'
  Homer Simpson: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?::Lisa Simpson: Because they ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Mayored to the Mob
  Mark Hamill: Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Viva Ned Flanders
  Ned Flanders: [Notepad in hand] I'm ready to learn, Homer. Just give me the topic sentence.::Homer S...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
  Chief Wiggum: Let this be a lesson to you - kids never learn....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
  Rupert Murdoch: What the bloody hell?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Homer to the Max
  Marge: [after seeing a TV show wherein a character has the same name as Homer] It was all a coincide...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: I'm with Cupid
  Apu: Elton John.::Elton John: That's my name. Well, not really.::Apu: I hate to sound like a screami...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Marge Simpson in 'Screaming Yellow Honkers'
  Bart Simpson: I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Make Room for Lisa
  Lisa Simpson: I can't believe you did this dad. Why didn't you put that thing in your room?::Homer S...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Maximum Homerdrive
  Homer Simpson: Don't you have school?::Bart Simpson: Don't you have work?::Homer Simpson: Ah, touche...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Simpsons Bible Stories
  Marge: It's the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Bart are you wearing clean underwear?::Bart: Not an...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Mom and Pop Art
  Astrid Weller: Your husband's work is what we call "outsider art." It could be by a mental patient, ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Old Man and the 'C' Student
  Nurse: Come on Bart. We don't want to over-stimulate these people, they just had pudding....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Monty Can't Buy Me Love
  Mr. Burns: [asking Homer how he can let people like him] Simpson! I want to be loved again.::Homer: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: They Saved Lisa's Brain
  Dr. Hibbert: [Mensa Club is giving a public speech] When are we going to get to my speech?::Comic Bo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo
  Lisa Simpson: Hey look. There's a cybor cafe opening right here in Springfield. Will you take me dad...
• Season 11
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Beyond Blunderdome
  Marge Simpson: Hey! We never opened that envelope to see what our free gift is.::Homer Simpson: We d...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Brother's Little Helper
  Ralph Wiggum: And I want a bike, and a monkey, and a friend for the monkey...::Hosey the Bear: You'r...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
  Editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror X
  Lisa Simpson: I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires.::Homer Simpson: But it ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
  Homer: [Offering Tomacco] Try some, won't you?::Chief Wiggum: Go ahead, Ralpie; the stranger is offe...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
  Chief Wiggum: Alright smart guy, where's the fire?::Homer Simpson: Over there.::[Homer points to a f...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Eight Misbehavin'
  Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon: Are you sure you want a child, Apu?::Apu: You know, I do! I mean, there ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Take My Wife, Sleaze
  [Homer is relaxing watching s 'Tuesday Morning Movie']::[TV character Jimmy rides off on his motorcy...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Grift of the Magi
  [Fanzo threw a Barbie in the fire and strangled a Krusty toy]::Bart: Why is it destroying other toys...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Little Big Mom
  Homer Simpson: Stupid sexy Flanders!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Faith Off
  Milhouse: [after being hit by a truck] Bury me at Makeout Creek!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: The Mansion Family
  Homer Simpson: Oh why won't anyone give me an award?::Lisa Simpson: You won a Grammy.::Homer Simpson...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Saddlesore Galactica
  Chief Wiggum: [after letting a criminal suspect drive away] I'd rather let a thousand guilty men go ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Alone Again, Natura-Diddly
  Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, petal-to-the-metal-ophiles.::Homer Simpson: Flanders? Since when do you ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Missionary: Impossible
  Homer: Greg and Amy, Greg and Amy, why don't you just *marry* Greg and Amy?::Island Native #1: [look...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Pygmoelian
  Duffman: Are you ready for some Duff love?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Bart to the Future
  Bart: I wasn't going to gamble. I just wanted a Bloody Mary....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
  Barney: What do you mean I forgot my birthday? How could I forget...::[chugs a beer glass]::Barney: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Kill the Alligator and Run
  Bart Simpson: This money's from the Montana Militia. It isn't real.::Homer Simpson: [threateningly] ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Last Tap Dance in Springfield
  Eduardo: To win, we will need a very special dance. La Tango de la Muerte!::Lisabella: Only one man ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
  Marge: I thought you said the law was powerless.::Chief Wiggum: Powerless to *help* you, not punish ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Behind the Laughter
  Carl Carlson: Bart was always blowing his spare cash by paying us to kiss each other.::Lenny: Did we...
• Season 12
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror XI
  Mayor Quimby: People, please. We're all frightened and horny, but we can't let some killer dolphins ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: A Tale of Two Springfields
  Homer: Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Insane Clown Poppy
  Marge: So, Mr King, what tale of horror and the macabre are you working on now?::Stephen King: Actua...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Lisa the Tree Hugger
  Homer: [after Kentucky Fried Panda has been destroyed by a runaway tree] No! It was finger Ling-Ling...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Homer vs. Dignity
  Homer Simpson: Baby made a boom-boom....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
  Storekeeper: You're not a sucker, are you sir?::Homer: Oh, heavens no!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Great Money Caper
  Ralph Wiggum: I look like cable tv!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Skinner's Sense of Snow
  Bart: [to Homer, dressed as an Arab woman] Ignore her, effendi. We have each other....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: HOMR
  [removal of the crayon in Homer's brain will either increase his brain power, or possibly kill him]:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Pokey Mom
  Jack Crowley: Puma pride! Puma pride!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Worst Episode Ever
  Mr. Rogers: What do you mean I can't take off my sweater? I'M HOT!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Tennis the Menace
  Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.::Homer: How do yo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Day of the Jackanapes
  [Mr. Teeney has just foiled Sideshow Bob's plan to kill Krusty and blew up a room]::Krusty the Clown...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: New Kids on the Blecch
  Justin Timberlake: You know we had fun at the expense of the US Navy who are out there every day pro...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Hungry Hungry Homer
  Homer: Dancing away my hunger pain... moving my feet so my stomach won't hurt... I'm kinda like Jesu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Bye Bye Nerdie
  Milhouse: It's like Speed 2, only with a bus instead of a boat!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Simpson Safari
  [after discovering Dr. Bushnell's illegal diamond mining operation, Lisa examines the scientist's re...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Trilogy of Error
  Milhouse: [while leading Bart into a cave] This is where I come to cry....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: I'm Goin' to Praiseland
  Ned in Ned Flanders is short for Nedward, revealed by Kent Brockman in a news cast in S12E19 - I'm G...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Children of a Lesser Clod
  Ned Flanders: I'm going to a Christian rock concert.::[holds up two tickets reading "Chris Rock in C...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Simpson Tall Tales
  Lisa: Wait a minute! Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan!...
• Season 13
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror XII
  Leprechaun: [whilst kissing the Gypsy] Hold me closer...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: The Parent Rap
  Judge Constance Harm: But I was about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Homer the Moe
  [while Moe is away, Homer is in charge of the bar]::Homer: [picks up phone] Hello?::Bart: Hello, is ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
  Snake: Don't worry Gloria, I'll win you back even if I have to beat this guy to death.::Gloria: Snak...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: The Blunder Years
  [as he hypnotizes Homer]::Mesmerino: When I snap my fingers, you will transform into a... famous his...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: She of Little Faith
  Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done!::Homer: You say that so much it's lost all meaning....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Brawl in the Family
  Abe Simpson: [to Homer] You know, I have a son about your age....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Sweets and Sour Marge
  [At the Kwik-E-Mart]::Dr. Hibbert: [Speaking to Apu] Marge is right, sugar is not only fattening but...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Jaws Wired Shut
  [Homer rides into the derby arena on a trouble-making donkey]::Derby Announcer 1: A man on a donkey!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Half-Decent Proposal
  Lisa Simpson: Hey, a helicopter's landing on our lawn.::Bart Simpson: Let's approach with caution!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: The Bart Wants What It Wants
  Rainer Wolfcastle: [Commando (1985) reference] Remember when I said I'd eat you last? I lied....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: The Lastest Gun in the West
  Apu: [singing] Oh give me land, lots of land, and the starry skies above::Bart, Lisa, Ralph: [singin...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Old Man and the Key
  Grampa: We're the baddest punks in our age bracket!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Tales from the Public Domain
  Ned Flanders: [as King of Troy, to Homer/Odysseus] Hi, O-diddley-ysseus!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Blame It on Lisa
  Homer Simpson: Don't you know the boys from Brazil are little Hitlers? I saw it in a movie whose nam...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Weekend at Burnsie's
  Homer Simpson: [stoned, at work on the phone] Marge! I just realized. I am the "ow" in the word "now...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Gump Roast
  End Titles Singer: [to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire"] Ullman shorts, Christmas...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: I Am Furious Yellow
  [watching a green Homer being taken down by the cops]::Stan Lee: He can't be the Hulk... I'M the Hul...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: The Sweetest Apu
  Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon: [Manjula and Marge walk in on Apu getting ready to hang himself] Oh, Apu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Little Girl in the Big Ten
  Principal Skinner: Now I will take any questions from Honor Students.::Agnes Skinner: [Agnes shows u...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Frying Game
  [Homer is talking to Carmen Electra. She knows where his eyes are]::Carmen Electra: Homer, my face i...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge
  [Snake is robbing Apu at gun-point. Apu secretly pushes an alarm button. A series of bright, coloure...
• Season 14
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror XIII
  Billy the Kid: [From The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms] Now let's rob the bank, give the money to ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
  Taxi Driver: [on TV show "Taxicab Conversations"] Where to, pal?::Homer: [drunk] Talky thing, ain't ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
  Lisa Simpson: Bart, you're my big brother. You should act like it more often. You know, protect me f...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Large Marge
  [Marge accidentally got breast implants]::Marge: You can't call breast implants a minor misunderstan...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Helter Shelter
  Male Network Executive: [trying to find a family to appear on a reality show]::Female Network Execut...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: The Great Louse Detective
  Marge Simpson: [walking through a prison] I don't think this was a great place to bring the children...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Special Edna
  Announcer: Welcome - to the electric car of the future! Sponsored by the gasoline producers of Ameri...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Dad Who Knew Too Little
  Dexter Colt, P.I.: You know, Homer, ever Since I first met you, I always knew I would kill you in a ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: The Strong Arms of the Ma
  Marge Simpson: [Stuck in the basement due to agoraphobia] What to do now? Too crazy to go outside; n...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Pray Anything
  When the plumber taps at the wall, the cracks form the painting "Washington crossing the Delaware" b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Barting Over
  Marge Simpson: I can't count how many times your father's done something crazy like this.::Lisa Simp...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
  [Barney lies drunk in the street]::Barney: Spell 'relapse!'::Lisa: R-E-L-A-P-S-E!::Barney: [singing]...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: A Star Is Born Again
  Ned Flanders: Sir... There's no reason Sarah needs to do this scene in the altogether.::Sara Sloane:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
  Krusty the Clown: Uh, just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up any youthful and middle-a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: C. E. D'oh
  Homer Simpson: Mr. Burns, I've compiled list of safety recommendations for the plant.::Mr. Burns: We...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
  Homer: [while watching a meteor shower] I wish God were alive to see this....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Three Gays of the Condo
  [after completeing puzzle]::Homer Simpson: It's the only worth-while thing I ever made that wasn't L...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Dude, Where's My Ranch?
  Homer Simpson, David Byrne: [singing] He's your peppy, perky, nightmare neighborino!::Homer Simpson:...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Old Yeller-Belly
  "Suds McDuff" is based on Spuds McKenzie....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Brake My Wife, Please
  [Homer wants to go to Moe's bar, but his driving license has been suspended]::Lisa Simpson: Why don'...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Bart of War
  Ned Flanders: They were bigger than Jesus....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Moe Baby Blues
  Fat Tony: I haven't cried like this since I paid to see Godfather III....
• Season 15
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror XIV
  Lisa Simpson: Dad you've become the new Grim Reaper!::Homer Simpson: No way! Forget it! I may occasi...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: My Mother the Carjacker
  Grampa: Mona, I'll always remember raspberry trolley cars, because my mind is shot....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: The President Wore Pearls
  Kent Brockman: [after Michael Moore has given Kent a ridiculous statistic] Where did you get that st...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: The Regina Monologues
  Tony Blair: [Tony Blair has met the Simpsons at the airport. Lisa asks him to give them a personal t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: The Fat and the Furriest
  Homer Simpson: Are you a Care Bear?::Care Bear: [Holding a crowbar] I'm an Intensive Care Bear.::Hom...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Today, I Am a Clown
  Krusty asks, "Chaim Potok! Who is he, some kind of Klingon?" In reality, 'Chaim Potok' (qv) was a fa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: 'Tis the Fifteenth Season
  Rod Flanders: Are you jealous of Brother Homer?::Ned Flanders: Maybe just a little bit.::Rod Flander...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays
  Bart Simpson: Make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times.::Edna Krabappel: We all go...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
  Dr. Hibbert: What the Halle Berry?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
  [after lying to Marge about reading her book]::Homer Simpson: [thinking] Now for that happy period b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Margical History Tour
  Otto: [Before being beheaded] I told you I was a dude!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
  [after Milhouse moves out of town, Skinner and Willie are shocked to learn that Bart and Lisa have b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Smart & Smarter
  Henry: Meet Maggie Simpson; IQ 165::Mrs Wickerbottom: 165? That's amazing for a Christian!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
  Homer Simpson: Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail. Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group. I'm the ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Co-Dependent's Day
  Homer Simpson: [drunkenly gets into his car and fumbles with the key] I'm in no condition to drive.....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: The Wandering Juvie
  Warden: So why do you want to become a Juvinal Hall prison guard?::Homer: I believe the children are...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: My Big Fat Geek Wedding
  Barney: When I feel the urge to sober up, I just talk to my sponsor.::[turns to an invisible giant b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Catch 'Em If You Can
  [Bart sneaks into the "adult video" section, discovering it's really BBC mini-series/Merchant-Ivory ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Simple Simpson
  Mr. Burns: [removes Pie Man's mask and gasps] Simpson! You'll rue the day you took a pie tin, made t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Way We Weren't
  Homer Simpson: Ew, I kissed that sad, weird kid!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Bart-Mangled Banner
  [the Simpsons are in jail with Michael Moore, the Dixie Chicks, and Elmo]::Elmo: Elmo go to wrong fu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Fraudcast News
  Mr. Burns: I can't be responsible for what my goons are ordered to do....
• Season 16
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Treehouse of Horror XV
  [first lines]::[Marge sees Homer constantly throwing a bowling ball on the roof]::Marge Simpson: Hom...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: All's Fair in Oven War
  Homer Simpson: Would you excuse us, Milton?::Milhouse Van Houten: It's Mil-HOUSE!::Homer Simpson: Ye...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Sleeping with the Enemy
  Feeling that her own kids take her for granted,Marge takes pity on Nelson,whose dad has walked out o...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: She Used to Be My Girl
  Chloe Talbot: [bangs on car trunk] Lisa! What are you doing in there?::Lisa Simpson: Praying to Budd...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Fat Man and Little Boy
  [Lisa is worried about her science project]::Homer: Lisa, all you need is a little help from your da...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Midnight Rx
  Once again, Mr. Burns is used to parody 'Howard Hughes (I)' (qv). In "$pringfield," he developed obs...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Mommie Beerest
  Moe's health inspector, an old friend and therefore not very strict, dies and the new health inspect...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
  Michelle Kwan: Beware the wrath of Kwan!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Pranksta Rap
  Bart Simpson: Hey, 50 can I roll with you?::50 Cent: Nah, lil' man. But hey, stay in school and keep...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: There's Something About Marrying
  Homer Simpson: [Homer holds up map for a long time so that viewers can read the locations; addresses...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
  Uter: [the students are pulling the bus up a hill] I feel like I'm in Fitzcarraldo.::Nelson: That mo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Goo Goo Gai Pan
  Madam Wu: [to Marge] Maybe someday someone will love you too, childless servant....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Mobile Homer
  Homer Simpson: You can't enjoy money when you're dead, so why not have fun now?::Marge Simpson: Don'...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: The Seven-Beer Snitch
  The episode's title is a play on the common phrase "The seven year itch"....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Future-Drama
  [Bender appears in the car]::Bender: Alright! You guys are my new best friends!::Homer Simpson: You ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Don't Fear the Roofer
  Homer Simpson: Monster! You don't exist! [Homer hits ray with a chair]::Ray Magini: Hey! Nobody call...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: The Heartbroke Kid
  [Spengler has harnessed the patients at his weight-loss clinic to a chariot]::Tab Spangler: Here's w...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: A Star Is Torn
  Cameron/Johnny Sunshine: [singing the song Homer wrote for him] I'm a priveleged boy / It's great I ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Thank God It's Doomsday
  Homer Simpson: In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Home Away from Homer
  Townspeople: crowd cheers as prostitutes leave Flanders' house after being told off and thrown out b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star
  Father Sean: [recalling what St. Peter said to him] Sean, you wanker, repent of your sins or sod off...
• Season 17
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Bonfire of the Manatees
  [Homer is missing work, and puts a manatee in charge]::Smithers: I believe that's a manatee posing a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: The Girl Who Slept Too Little
  Lisa Simpson: If Scooby Doo has taught me anything, it's that there's nothing to be afraid of except...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Milhouse of Sand and Fog
  When Maggie is showing signs of being ill, the family goes to "the more boisterous house of worship"...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XVI
  Kang: [using the Accele-Ray to speed up the World Series] Faster! Faster! Until the fabric of the un...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Marge's Son Poisoning
  Marge discovers her old tandem bike and she and Bart start a pleasant ritual of cycling to a rural t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: See Homer Run
  It's Father's Day and Lisa has made Homer a beautiful,hand-crafted card but,due to his greediness,it...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
  Per the title, the original Broadway production of "Last of the Red Hot Lovers" by Neil Simon opened...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Italian Bob
  Homer Simpson: I honor you and your country. [bows to an old Italian woman and hands her memorabilia...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Simpsons Christmas Stories
  George Costanza: What were you saying to the Rosses over there anyway?::Jerry Seinfeld: Oh man, I do...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Homer's Paternity Coot
  AgnesSkinner: Seymour! Get out and change the tires!::Principal Skinner: I don't have four spares mo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: We're on the Road to D'owhere
  Homer Simpson: [blood on wind shield] Stupid horse, it's a deer crossing!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: My Fair Laddy
  Per the title, the original Broadway production of "My Fair Lady" opened at the Mark Hellinger Theat...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
  Homer Simpson: I'm stuck, and I have to pee. Now I'm just stuck....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Bart Has Two Mommies
  Rod Flanders: Hurry, let's climb down.::Bart: Okay but don't let our hands touch. It's gay.::Rod Fla...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
  Homer Simpson: [watching hi-definition TV] What a picture. You can see the soulless emptiness in tha...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Million Dollar Abie
  Homer: You are a useless old man. Name one thing you do for this family.::Grampa: I take care of the...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore
  [Richard Dean Anderson has been kidnapped by Patty and Selma]::Richard Dean Anderson: You can't do t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: The Wettest Stories Ever Told
  The Simpsons are at the Frying Dutchman but the food takes ages to arrive so they tell three nautica...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Girls Just Want to Have Sums
  The episode's title is a reference to 'Cyndi Lauper' (qv)'s song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Regarding Margie
  Homer Simpson: I'm gonna take care of you until your amnesia goes scramnesia....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Monkey Suit
  Ned Flanders: We want you to teach alternative theories to Darwinian evolution::Principal Skinner: Y...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play
  Homer Simpson: We've gone through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together....
• Season 18
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer
  Fat Tony: [Bart, Lisa, and others are waiting for their car pool. Fat Tony drives up to them] We are...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Jazzy & The Pussycats
  Jack White: Hey, kid! Why don't you watch where you're going?::Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard f...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Please Homer Don't Hammer 'em
  The title is a reference to the M.C. Hammer album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XVII
  Homer Simpson: Must eat... then poop... then eat some more... then eat while pooping....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: GI (Annoyed Grunt)
  Drill Sergeant: Ordinarily, I would spend the next two hours questioning your sexuality, running dow...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Moe'N'A Lisa
  Marge Simpson: Homer, don't drink and drive.::Homer Simpson: Fine. I'll drive between sips....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Ice Cream of Margie: With the Light Blue Hair
  Homer Simpson: And now to get dressed in a most unusual way.::[Homer starts dressing up as an ice cr...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Haw-Hawed Couple
  Martin Prince: Individually we are weak, like a single twig, but as a bundle we form a mighty faggot...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Kill Gil, Volumes I & II
  Moe Szyslak: Don't you dumb dames know that all figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz?::Elvis Stojk...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: The Wife Aquatic
  [Everyone sees a huge tidal wave]::All: Shiiiiii-pwreck...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times
  [after "Bartman Begins" is finished]::Bart Simpson: So you see, dad, revenge is great, and now we ha...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Little Big Girl
  Bart Simpson: You know, I thought Darcy and I would be like a real married couple, instead we ended ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Springfield Up
  Snake: Give me my car, fatty!::Homer Simpson: What? This is my car! And I'm not fat, it's glandular!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Yokel Chords
  Cletus: We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Rome-old and Juli-eh
  Bart Simpson: Pinball, eh? I've heard of that. [starts playing] Wow, the graphics are amazing. The b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Homerazzi
  Lisa Simpson: Dad, you're out of shape, even for an American....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Marge Gamer
  Helen Lovejoy: You are so blind, even Jesus couldn't heal you.::Reverend Lovejoy: Helen, please. Don...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: The Boys of Bummer
  Marge Simpson: Homer, what took you so long? The game's almost over!::Homer Simpson: I got hung up a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Crook and Ladder
  Lisa: Why do you listen to this magazine? It's a Larry Flint publication.::Marge: Lisa, stop reading...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Stop or My Dog Will Shoot
  Homer: He's tasted human flesh. He'll be a slave to his succulence now. Look at him eyeing me. He kn...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: 24 Minutes
  [first lines]::Jack Bauer: Previously on "24"... I mean, "The Simpsons."...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: You Kent Always Say What You Want
  Marge Simpson: Oh, hi, kids. You're just in time to go to the dentist.::Bart Simpson: Dentist? You s...
• Season 19
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs
  [the family runs into the house and find Plopper the Pig sitting on the couch. The family sits down ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Homer of Seville
  Some of the restaurants the Simpsons pass after leaving church: Griddler on the Roof, TGI Fried Eggs...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Midnight Towboy
  Homer gets a tow-truck and becomes power drunk with impounding everybody's cars. The townsfolk set h...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
  Lou: Chief, it looks like there's a 64G in progress. [Chief Wiggum looks confused] Armed robbery wit...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Treehouse of Horror XVIII
  [Bart about to zap Kodos]::Kodos: Bart... friend?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Little Orphan Millie
  Homer Simpson: She's wearing white. She must have rolled the odometer back to zero....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Husbands and Knives
  [Milo hands out Japanese hard candy]::Nelson Muntz: I got prawn!::Milhouse: I got miso!::Lisa Simpso...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: Funeral for a Fiend
  Marge Simpson: Oh, TiVo remote, you have a season pass to our heart. Today I discovered Lost, watche...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind
  Homer Simpson: Kids, have you seen your mother? Or yourselves?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: E Pluribus Wiggum
  Marge Simpson: We're all concerned about your weight. Bart said NASA called. They said that your gra...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: That 90's Show
  Marge Simpson: We wouldn't be in this mess if you just paid the heating bill.::Homer Simpson: I thou...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Love, Springfieldian Style
  Homer Simpson: For the next three hours, we'll be absolutely kid free. It'll be like that time we lo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The DeBarted
  [last lines]::Ralph Wiggum: The rat symbolizes obviousness!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Dial 'N' for Nerder
  Homer Simpson: Oh, boy, dinnertime. The perfect break between work and drunk....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Smoke on the Daughter
  Marge Simpson: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box?::Lisa Simpson: No.::Marge Simpso...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Papa Don't Leech
  Bart Simpson: You'd think living in a house full of crazy people would be fun....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Apocalypse Cow
  Bart Simpson: So Dean Martin would show up at the last minute and do everything in just one take?::H...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Any Given Sundance
  Marge: [after watching Lisa's documentary of the family] One Simpsons movie was enough!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Mona Leaves-a
  Bart Simpson: Maggie's thing? She won't even remember it.::Marge Simpson: You never remember the nic...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: All About Lisa
  Homer Simpson: [to Bart] Son, stamp collecting is like life -- it stopped being fun a long time ago....
• Season 20
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes
  Lisa Simpson: Woo-hoo! St. Patrick's Day! I love how they made the river green!::Mr. Burns: Actually...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Lost Verizon
  Bart Simpson: I'm never gonna have a cell phone.::Lisa Simpson: And I'm never gonna go to Machu Pich...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble
  Homer Simpson: This looks like a job for CAPTAIN CRAZY! Up, up and away!::[He jumps out of a ski lif...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XIX
  Homer Simpson: Hello, I'd like to vote for president, governor, and anything else that will take mon...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Dangerous Curves
  Homer Simpson: How many times must I say I'm sorry?::Marge Simpson: You haven't said you're sorry.::...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
  Lisa Simpson: Guess what, mom? I'm a cruciverbalist!::Marge Simpson: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Mypods and Boomsticks
  Bart Simpson: All this years I've been petting lambs when I should have been shoving them in my mout...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Burns and the Bees
  Lisa Simpson: Mr. Burns, you can't do that.::Mr. Burns: I can, I am, and soon I shall have been. I'm...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Lisa the Drama Queen
  Bart Simpson: Why do we have to go to the rec center? I wanna play with my friends.::Homer Simpson: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Take My Life, Please
  The first Simpsons episode to be broadcast in high definition....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: How the Test Was Won
  [Some of the book club members have just been killed and the Simpsons don't have an insurance]::Marg...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: No Loan Again, Naturally
  Lenny: Homer, how can you afford this Mardi Gras party every year?::Homer Simpson: Well, it's a litt...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone
  USA...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: In the Name of the Grandfather
  Bart Simpson: A house and garden show? [Bart, Lisa and Homer groan] You told me we were going to a v...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Wedding for Disaster
  [Marge is planning a second wedding to Homer]::Marge Simpson: I want every table to have two baskets...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Eeny Teeny Maya Moe
  Moe Szyslak: [after Maya dumps him, Moe is cleaning his empty bar when Homer comes in] Whatsa matter...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: The Good, the Sad and the Drugly
  Principal Skinner: Lisa, your outburst was either a sign of deep emotional imbalance, or a passionat...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Father Knows Worst
  Homer Simpson: [depressed] I tried to fix the kids' lives, but instead I led them to rich and reward...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh
  Miss Hoover: Three, two, one. Okay children, I've just been granted tenure, so Im gonna sit back and...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Four Great Women and a Manicure
  Julio: [Upon seeing a burning ship heading towards him] Normally I love to see flaming dreamboats he...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Coming to Homerica
  Marge Simpson: You lost your job?::Homer Simpson: It's not my fault! Those barleyjacks filled me up ...
• Season 21
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Homer the Whopper
  Homer Simpson: Can you help me out? I need change for a dollar. Oh - I also need a dollar....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Bart Gets a 'Z'
  Bart Simpson: You know, my dad's more fun when he's had a few beers. Maybe Ms. Krabappel would be mo...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: The Great Wife Hope
  Marge Simpson: Ultimate punching? Ultimate makes everything worse!::Otto Mann: Not frisbee.::Marge S...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XX
  Lisa Simpson: Apu, how did you survive?::Apu: As a vegetarian, I did not eat any tainted burgers. An...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: The Devil Wears Nada
  Mr. Burns: Congratulations, I dub thee king of the morons, also known as supervisor for sector 7-G....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: Pranks and Greens
  Milhouse Van Houten: Which prank shall we open with?::Bart Simpson: The exploding pen.::Milhouse Van...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Rednecks and Broomsticks
  Homer Simpson: Oh, I hate traffic! The band *and* the phenomenon!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
  Otto Mann: [after striking Ralph with his bus] Oh, my God! I killed Kenny!::Milhouse van Houten: [Co...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Thursdays with Abie
  Mr. Burns: ...And that's how you win an opium war.::Homer Simpson: Oh, great stuff. And the life les...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Once Upon a Time in Springfield
  Princess Penelope: We'll always have Sideshow Mel's dressing room.::Sideshow Mel: What? Ewwwwww....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Million Dollar Maybe
  Homer Simpson: With you at my side, this toast will do just what it's supposed to: steal focus from ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Boy Meets Curl
  Homer Simpson: Let us curl, milady. Let us throw and sweep atwain until the heavens themselves drop ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Color Yellow
  Lisa Simpson: [Researching her family tree] No, this can't be right! They're all horrible!::Homer Si...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Postcards from the Wedge
  Marge Simpson: That's one month of homework? It seems like a lot for a young boy.::Homer Simpson: I ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Stealing First Base
  Miss Hoover: There was a mix up with your tests. You actually got an A triple-plus. The F belonged t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed
  Ned Flanders: Now let us upload the holy Tweet of the Lord.::Agnes Skinner: Stop making this relatab...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: American History X-cellent
  Bart Simpson: [apologizing to Lisa] It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill our ants.::Homer Simps...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Chief of Hearts
  Bart Simpson: Hey, dinks. Whatcha dweebing?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: The Squirt and the Whale
  Homer Simpson: I'm not made of money. I'm made of man meat and a skeleton....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: To Surveil, with Love
  Nigel Baker-Butcher: [as Homer and Ned Flanders destroy all the surveilance cameras in Springfield] ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Moe Letter Blues
  Krusty: Kids, this Mother's Day, why don't you give your mother what she really wants?: a break from...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: The Bob Next Door
  Sideshow Bob: I can stand in one state, fire a gun in the second state, the bullet will travel throu...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 23: Judge Me Tender
  [Bart is dressing up Santa's Little Helper for the ugliest dog contest]::Homer Simpson: Not ugly eno...
• Season 22
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Elementary School Musical
  Krusty: Look, I'm really sorry about all the things I've been charged with, as well as all the stuff...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Loan-a Lisa
  Lisa Simpson: You're quitting school?::Nelson Muntz: Dropping it like a melon off an overpass.::Lisa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: MoneyBart
  Marge Simpson: [watching Lisa practice fencing to get into Harvard] Sweetie, you could still go to M...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XXI
  Bart Simpson: Come on, it's just a game. We're not hurting anybody. [Accidentally hits Milhouse in t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life
  Lisa Simpson: [Walking down the hall at school] Ugh. What's the point of getting rid of all the dist...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: The Fool Monty
  Fox News Helicopter Pilot: [as the Fox News representative leaves, the helicopter falls] Gaah! We're...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?
  Homer Simpson: [chasing Santa's Little Helper around the backyard] Stupid dog! Let go of that delici...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Fight Before Christmas
  Marge Simpson: This tree reminds me of your father. It's round in the middle, thinning on top, and y...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Donnie Fatso
  Krusty the Clown: If Jews control the media, why can't I get on Jimmy Kimmel?...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Moms I'd Like to Forget
  Bart Simpson: Rumble it is! Right after school! Rain or shine! [Cut to everyone waiting in the rain]...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Flaming Moe
  According to Mr. Burns' last will and testament, his legal full name is Charles Montgomery Plantagen...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Homer the Father
  Homer Simpson: [watching TV credits] I liked the producing, the executive producing and especially t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Blue and the Gray
  Marge Simpson: My first gray hair!::Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge. Don't worry. Lots of movie stars have ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Angry Dad: The Movie
  Homer Simpson: That's it, boy! I'm eating your yogurt!::Marge Simpson: You ate his yogurt in the car...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: The Scorpion's Tale
  Bart Simpson: [Looking inside an abandoned mine] The legends are true!::Milhouse Van Houten: Did you...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: A Midsummer's Nice Dream
  Bart Simpson: Who the hell are Cheech and Chong?::Homer Simpson: Who's Cheech and Chong? They were t...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Love Is a Many Strangled Thing
  Marge Simpson: Homer, the game is right here. [points to football field inside stadium]::Homer Simps...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: The Great Simpsina
  Homer Simpson: Marge, how much do they pay us for doing this?::Marge Simpson: Actually, we pay them ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
  Lisa Simpson: [worried] Dad, Aunt Selma is treating a mob boss like an ordinary taxpayer.::Homer Sim...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: Homer Scissorhands
  Patty Bouvier: Who undid my do?::Ned Flanders: I didn't do didley, and certainly not squat....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: 500 Keys
  Bart Simpson: I don't get it. I tried to do bad, but I ended up doing good.::Reverend Lovejoy: Haw, ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: The Ned-Liest Catch
  Principal Seymour Skinner: Edna, control your student. He's ruined more school assemblies than the s...
• Season 23
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: The Falcon and the D'Ohman
  Homer Simpson: As God as my witness, this fist shall be pumped!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
  Homer Simpson: God, I love to watch that woman get beer....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Treehouse of Horror XXII
  Homer Simpson: Ah, Halloween. The one time of year where the squalor of our home works to our advant...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Replaceable You
  [Martin is hanging by his underwear; Bart knocks him down with his slingshot]::Martin Prince: Good s...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: The Food Wife
  Homer Simpson: Alright food nerds, reality check. All the food in those pictures is poop by now. Min...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: The Book Job
  Homer Simpson: It's not illegal to sleep in a Tyrannosaurus head.::Security Guard: Sir, you're insid...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
  Robert Marlowe: Before you say yes, I feel it is my duty to inform you that accounts men lose their ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
  Homer Simpson: My pants are splitting! Everyone will see my tattoo of Donald Duck smoking a doob. Th...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed
  This episode had originally been conceived as a series finale due to the impasse between the show an...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
  Homer Simpson: Hello, I'm Homer Simpson. I'm not just another blowhard. I say the things you think b...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: The D'oh-cial Network
  Marge Simpson: Homer, stop watching movies that are playing on other people's cars.::Homer Simpson: ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Moe Goes from Rags to Riches
  Homer Simpson: ...and that's why I don't believe there is a God. Thank you, and God bless America....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: The Daughter Also Rises
  Milhouse: How come you get so many valentines? All I got were from my mom and my optometrist.::Bart ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: At Long Last Leave
  Bart Simpson: How you doing, Mr. Assange?::Julian Assange: That's my personal information and you ha...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
  Bart Simpson: From now on, if anyone laughs at you, they're gonna have to go through me.::Homer Simp...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: How I Wet Your Mother
  Homer Simpson: Oh Lord, I have once again be sodded my liver with thy fermented gifts. If you can we...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: Them, Robot
  [Bart and Milhouse walk up to home plate]::Bart Simpson: Hey, Dad, can we play?::Robot T21: [scans B...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Beware My Cheating Bart
  Homer Simpson: And now to visit the only court I can never be in contempt of: the food court....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again
  Homer Simpson: Ocean sex rules! Screw land sex!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Spy Who Learned Me
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: Ned 'N' Edna's Blend
  Homer Simpson: [Wearing Jesus' robe] Ooh, roomy. Our Lord really knew how to keep 'em cool....
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Lisa Goes Gaga
  Bart Simpson: Without award shows, how would we know what movie has the best beheading, of that Glee...
• Season 24
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Moonshine River
  Bart Simpson: I need someone to dance with so I can zing my sister.::Edna Krabappel: All right, but ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Treehouse of Horror XXIII
  Marge Simpson: Quit bageling my English muffin!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Adventures in Baby-Getting
  [Homer is in the voting booth, looking at his choices: Barack Obama or Mitt Romney]::Homer: Barack O...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: Gone Abie Gone
  USA:11 November 2012...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Penny-Wiseguys
  While getting grasshoppers off of Dan's body, Homer remarks "I never thought Homer Simpsons would be...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: A Tree Grows in Springfield
  Marge Simpson: Homer, don't you think you're putting all your eggs on one basket?::Homer Simpson: Wh...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: The Day the Earth Stood Cool
  Homer Simpson: You're from Portland? I've heard about people coming from there.::Homer Simpson: [Thi...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: To Cur with Love
  Marge Simpson: The pound hasn't reported any greyhounds, but they have a daschund, a schnauzer and a...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Homer Goes to Prep School
  Bart Simpson: Smart Tykes? You promised us we were going somewhere fun!::Homer Simpson: Yeah, you pr...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: A Test Before Trying
  Lisa Simpson: So, how's the studying going?::Bart Simpson: When I start I'll tell you.::Lisa Simpson...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 11: Changing of the Guardian
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 12: Love Is a Many Splintered Thing
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 13: Hardly Kirk-ing
  Homer Simpson: Finally, a kids show that doesn't try to sell you something. Which reminds me, we nee...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 14: Gorgeous Grampa
  Grampa Simpson: [as Gorgeous Godfrey] You are the luckiest people in the world: you get to look at m...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 15: Black-Eyed, Please
  Ned Flanders: How long has it been since we prayed together, neighbor?::Homer Simpson: This is prayi...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 16: Dark Knight Court
  Mr. Burns: Yes, feel the weightless tickle of justice!...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 17: What Animated Women Want
  Milhouse Van Houten: Who knew having a backbone would make one attractive?::Principal Skinner: Certa...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 18: Pulpit Friction
  Bart Simpson: Gentlemen, this fort is now complete, and will last forever.::Milhouse Van Houten: Not...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 19: Whiskey Business
  Homer Simpson: You want to erase the 2009 Oscar red carpet? But they had some amazing dresses, along...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 20: The Fabulous Faker Boy
  Bart Simpson: TV has gotten so lousy.::Milhouse Van Houten: Did you ever wonder if hippos think that...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 21: The Saga of Carl
  Homer Simpson: It says here that Iceland is green and Greenland is icy. The Vikings switched the nam...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 22: Dangers on a Train
  Homer Simpson: Just call me Borders Books, because I'll be here forever....
• Season 25
• Play in Full Screen Episode 1: Homerland
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 2: Treehouse of Horror XXIV
  Homer Simpson: I'm afraid of nothing, not even hellfires. Just please don't let me be played by Mike...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 3: Four Regrettings and a Funeral
  'Marcia Wallace' (qv) who voiced Edna Krabappel for 25 years died a week before this episode aired. ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 4: YOLO
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 5: Labor Pains
  In the elevator, there is a sign with technical information, including "State ID#: RABF19". This als...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 6: The Kid Is All Right
  A new student comes to Springfield Elementary called Isabel Gutierrez, who is Lisa's intellectual eq...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 7: Yellow Subterfuge
  The 30,000th music take since the start of the show was recorded for the score of this episode (for ...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 8: White Christmas Blues
  Springfield is inundated with holiday revelers after the nuclear power plant springs a radiation lea...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 9: Steal This Episode
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode 10: Married to the Blob
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Season
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Pay Pal
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Diggs
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : The Man Who Came to Be Dinner
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee
  USA:March 2014...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Luca$
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : The War of Art
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Days of Future Future
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : The Winter of His Content
• Play in Full Screen Episode : I Only Have My Eyes for You
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Simpsorama
  A crossover episode, which Matt Groening brings together his two animated comedy shows "The Simpsons...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : Brick Like Me
  RAT:16:9 HD...
• Play in Full Screen Episode : What to Expect When Bart's Expecting
• Play in Full Screen Episode : The Man Who Grew Too Much