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At Sydney's Central Station reader Steve Barrett spotted two passengers questioning a railway official simultaneously. Exhibiting the wisdom of Solomon, the Sydney Trains man interrupted: "Can you please speak one at a time – I am not an octopus."
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Found on the Sydney Writers' Festival website: "Terms and conditions: Each pass includes one ticket per event, access to the private lounge for one person only, and a voucher for a complimentary beverage at The Hemingway Bar. Lounge access includes complementary food and non-alcoholic beverages." Clearly not a watering hole for pedants then.
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A bird in the hand is worth.... $5 apparently. The proposed $5 note depicts two birds and Putty's Terry O'Brien is sure one is an Eastern Spinebill but the feathered friend in the wattle down the middle of the bill has him stumped. "I have been through the complete Field Guide to the Birds of Australia and can find nothing resembling the colourful critter shown," he says. O'Brien also raised a patriotic concern. "I am reluctant to think they are using a foreign bird on our new note." Perhaps Gould leaguers or Twitchers out there could identify the unknown wildlife
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News that Led Zeppelin's singer Robert Plant and guitarist Jimmy Page purloined the opening chords for their 1971 hit Stairway to Heaven from the song Taurus by American rock band Spirit's guitarist Randy California has understandably rattled baby boomers.
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Damien Murphy Morning peak hour traffic at Rose Bay was such sweetness and light on Monday that local John Creagh was inspired to come up with an idea solve the problem of choked roads: "More school holidays." Based on his morning's observations, Mr Creagh says he would leave it up to Column 8 readers to decide the number and timing of extra school holidays but "I think it would be reasonable to assume that kids might be 22 or 23 before they sit the HSC". He believes more school holidays would not only help the economy but allow parents to spend more of that elusive quality time with children. "Who knows perhaps the RAS might even run a few extra shows?" Mr Creagh says.
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"It is always delightful when, in your mid-70s, you are introduced to 'new' words!" celebrates Moya Ward, of Mona Vale. "A relative in the UK recently wrote on Facebook 'Proper grockles we were!' Grockle is apparently an informal and slightly derogatory term for a tourist. Then 'gunzel' came my way – one who has an interest in trains or trams, often to the exclusion of all else. Both words need more use."
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"I beg to differ with David Grant," writes Peter Craig, of Alexandria (weight balance and anticlockwise racing, Column 8, Thursday). "The human heart weighs between 250 and 400 grams. Add about 200 grams for the spleen, also on the left, to get, say, 600g in an athlete with a big heart. The liver however, a right-sided organ, weighs about 1.5 kg, so the scales thus fall to the right. As a confusing issue, what are we to make of the fact that the left breasts of female athletes, and indeed of all women, are statistically likely to be larger than the right (plus or minus one of the 'British Standard Handfuls', mentioned in Tuesday's column, perhaps?)."
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"A good question in Wednesday's Column 8, Michael Mulcahy, but apparently, due to the effect of the Earth's rotation, in the northern hemisphere, an athlete running anti-clockwise will have a slight advantage, resulting in a faster time," insists George Zivkovic, of Northmead. "However, in the southern hemisphere, this effect is reversed. Evidence of this phenomenon is that none of the current world records have been set south of the Equator." Hmm....
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"On the subject of ointments and unguents from days gone by, my mother was a great believer in the healing properties of Eichorn's Remedy, a bright red liquid made from capsicum (if the illustration on the label was anything to go by), recalls Maggie Cooper, of Culburra Beach (Column 8, since Monday). "At the first sign of a grazed knee, a cut or a splinter, out would come the dreaded bottle; we hated it because it stung like crazy. I still have a half a bottle of the stuff that still induces tears, but not for the same reason as when I was a child. Now one whiff conjures up memories of mum. It must have been effective, because three kids and numerous grandchildren have retained all their extremities."
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"I'm sure there were many readers who noticed the familiar wording in Lisa Phillips item on Monday, in which she wrote about burn ointments," writes Paul Hunt, of Engadine. "Lisa mentioned one that allegedly never runs out, 'since a little dab goes a long way.' Some readers would have noticed 'a little dab' from the Brylcreem advertisement: 'Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya/Watch out, the girls will pursue ya.' And maybe also recognised the second phrase, 'goes a long way', from the slogan of the makers of Peck's paste – 'A little Peck's goes a long way."'
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The word "conversation" has been much over-used of late, but we didn't realise that it had been institutionalised.
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"One thing wrong with Margot's plan for sharing a prawn cutlet is who gets the tail end in their mouth," writes George Kimpton, of West Pennant Hills (the romantic possibilities of sharing seafood, Column 8, Saturday). "As I recall it always seems that prawn cutlets always have a tail, and a juicy end and whoever gets the tail will not get anything worthwhile." True enough. But love is never having to say that you got the crunchy end of the prawn . . .
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We have a wonderful solution to hand for the vexing question of the etiquette of divvying up an odd number of prawns between two people (Column 8, Thursday). "The best (and most fun) way to divide the odd prawn," advises Margot Taverne, of Pymble, "is for each to hold one end between your teeth, and bite through it while you are kissing. This works equally well for the last chocolate. We used to do this often in our youth (about 65 years ago), and can recommend it."
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"I've noticed something strange during my daily commute," reports Matt Petersen, of Randwick. "If I drive behind a hire car – the ones with the black and white HC plates – and have my headlights on, those plates magically turn white, so the numbers cannot be seen. It only happens with HC plates. Surely they wouldn't be trying to avoid identification by speed cameras, so I wonder what the real reason is."
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"Is a request for 3/8ths of a kilo really 'absurd'?" asks Andrew Nelson, of Faulconbridge (Column 8, Tuesday).
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"I am fervently hoping," pleads Jenny Archbold, of Bellingen, "that someone can tell me why, after every news report of an accident, we are informed that 'a report will be prepared for the coroner'. Why do we need to know? It drives me batty, but then it doesn't take much, I admit." We couldn't agree more. It's completely pointless, and infuriatingly ubiquitous.
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"Furthering the discussion on medical black humour regarding one's imminent demise," adds Michael Nossiter, of Manly (Column 8, last week), "my favourite, from my Accident and Emergency background, is this: Doc: 'I'm afraid the news isn't good.' Patient: 'I can take it. How long have I got, doc?' Doc: 'Ten.' Patient: 'Oh no! What, months, weeks?' Doc: 'Nine."'
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"Regarding Sam Goldwyn's 60th birthday sundial," adds Sandra Sullivan, of Oatley (Column 8, Wednesday), "I've heard a story that instead of the sundial being inscribed with 'Ars gratia artis' (Art for art's sake – the MGM motto), it read 'Ars gratia pecuniae' (Art for money's sake), and that apparently Goldwyn never noticed."
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"Regarding Tony Hunt's story about how his grandfather's GP tackled the matter of his approaching demise," writes George Skowronski, of Darlinghurst ("Don't bother buying a news suit," Column 8, Wednesday), "medical black humour has lots of these gems, including 'I wouldn't start reading War and Peace'. But in the world of intensive care, where I have spent most of my career, a somewhat shorter time frame was sometimes needed. One of my favourites, from the pre-CD era, was 'Don't buy any long-playing records'."
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"I remember my dad telling me that packaging that said 'Contents: approximately X number' would always be under that number," recalls Nan Greig, of Kiama (13 biscuits in the Arnott's package advising contents of "around 14", Column 8, Tuesday). "To prove him wrong (always my aim), I counted 20 boxes of Redhead matches which had the information 'approximately 50 matches'. Every one had 49. I hated it when my dad was right!"
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Tales of useless spellcheck suggestions keep coming. "As a teacher in 1990," recalls Michael Downes, of Cronulla, "I had shown my principal how to use a word processor. He asked about spellcheck – much less sophisticated in those days. I showed him, but advised him to use it carefully. A week later, he showed me a letter he'd composed to his boss, a Mrs Vicki Tanzer. The spellchecker had renamed her Mrs Vicissitude Tantrums. Luckily, he had followed my advice to proofread."
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Normal transmission has been resumed. Now, back to early morning alerts for people who might find themselves in the wrong room at dawn (Column 8, last week).
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"The guesthouse to which Eric Shackle refers," writes Michael Morton-Evans, of Mosman (Be in the right bed at the right time, Column 8, since Tuesday), "was in fact the Carrington Hotel in Katoomba, where a sign on the first-floor staircase read 'Guests are requested to be in their own rooms by the breakfast gong'." John Frith, of Paddington, begs to differ, insisting that it was the Hydro Majestic at Medlow Bath. Perhaps it was a romantic tradition across the Blue Mountains.
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"In an Oxford to Cambridge boat race," writes Geoffrey Toon, of Wagstaffe (Column 8, since Saturday), "I will be backing the crew that takes the inland canal route, Oxford Canal, Grand Union, River Nane and then onto the Cam. Whilst Mike Hills team sculls their boat the long route up the North Sea, my lot will probably be sculling an ale in a lock side pub."
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"Saturday's question," writes Steven Maher, of Failford (Which is longer, the Melbourne Cup or the Oxford Cambridge Boat Race?), reminded me of another: Which is shorter? Driving around Australia clockwise or anti-clockwise? Anti-clockwise of course, because you're on the inside lane." We recall being told that the difference in distance is much smaller than you would think. Does anyone know?
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"Never mind reversing underwear," waves a dismissive Michael Robinson, of Cammeray (Column 8, for much of last week), "my Doona covers have an insatiable appetite for anything that has the misfortune to be in the machine with them. As a result they come out looking like a python that has swallowed a goat. From time to time the fitted sheets join in this cannibalistic behaviour."
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"Whilst running a pub trivia night recently I posed the question 'Which is longer in distance, the Melbourne Cup or the Oxford Cambridge Boat Race," writes Ogden Browne, of Balmain. "I overheard one of the younger generation discuss with his team mates 'How far is it to row from Oxford to Cambridge?' After my initial chuckles, I wondered if any Column 8ers could enlighten me as to whether this is in fact possible."
