The Greatest Piece of Heavt Metal Art Ever Created

In case you're a moron, or just brain dead, this is the original.




Remember that part in Some Kind of Monster where Lars talks about his art collection and how he's considering selling some of his paintings, which just happen to be Basquiats worth about a million a piece? Well, now I know what it feels like to own a priceless and unique work of art!

This piece was obtained from a private collector that shall remain nameless, but I can disclose that the transaction took place several years ago in the parking lot of MetLife Stadium during a flea market which in retrospect is about the most perfect way for such a transaction to take place.

Just look at that brushwork! The colors! The tones! And that little bonus band portrait in the top corner! Very little is known about the artist, the enigmatic David Rosengart. In fact, I know nothing about him. I like to imagine he's some long-haired CHUD savant that painted this in the basement of his parent's suburban New Jersey home and traded it for a Necrovore demo and a six-pack of Busch. Sadly, the world may never know.

And don't even ask if I'm in interested in selling--there's not enough money in the world!

Praise Jesus, Praise Real Estate!

Remember how Roger Martinez from Vengeance Rising was way into JC?



That was the old Roger. These days, he's got himself an oversized suit from the discount rack at Men's Warehouse, and he's now way into Real Estate.

Lars gets a sexy, oily rubdown

Gene Simmons Bobblehead

I made an animated gif of Tom Araya spitting on himself

Super sexy Marty Friedman gets super sexy with his guitar

Ask any lady that you know, and they will surely tell you that the pure essence of sexy is Marty Friedman, circa 1999, wearing a silky dress shirt, pretending to give his Jackson guitar fellatio. It's a scientific fact.

I made four animated GIFs that flawlessly encompass Kiss as a band during the 1980s

Be a pal, if you post these somewhere, give credit where credit is due.

Today's animated gif: Lars chewing the cud.

Metal Beer

I've been meaning to do this post for ages, but haven't gotten around to do it. Finally today, I'm home, I'm bored, listening to Suicidal and ready to do this.

Of course metal and beer go hand and hand. At least it has for me. the first time I drank beer I was listening to Maiden. I paid $9 for a shitty beer the first time I saw Slayer in Detriot in '91 (June 22, 1991 to be exact. Yeah, Clash of the Titans). Oddly enough I paid $9 for a shitty beer the 13th time I saw them in Pittsburgh a few weeks ago.
 
Anyway, I have been working on a book about beer packaging (bottles, labels, cans, growlers, tap handles, etc.) and I've come across a few metal beers I'd like to share with yous. The book will be out in the fall of 2014 and will be entitled Cool Beer Labels. For more info about the book check out our website or our Facebook page.

Let's stay with Slayer for a little here. Oregon's craft beer geniuses Ninkasi brings us Sleigh'r. Aside from the awesome Slayer references, the beer itself is pretty awesome. It's a winter Altbeer (Brown Ale). At 7.2%abv is a little higher than I'd like for a holiday beer, but it's perfect if you're trying to ignore gramma and uncle Bob during Xmas dinner.

668 The Neighbor of the Beast comes from Connecticut's New England Brewing Co who also brought us Imperial Stout Trooper. 668 got a 90/100 on beeradvocate.com, which is pretty damn good.

This Suicidal Cyco beer comes from Germany and it was created by the dudes at Pixel Eye. Plenty of tattooed hotties and German lager? I'm in!

Unless you a fucking clueless asshole, you've heard about this by now. The Trooper is a strong bitter by Robinsons in England.

GWAR Impaled Pale Ale may not be the best beer out there (it isn't, trust me), but the name is pretty awesome.

Who would be awesome enough to home brew SkullKrusher Black Lager? Me.


I know there's a whole bunch of others, but I'm tired of typing, so I leave you with some other gimmick/novelty beers. Not much to offer in the way of taste. Or anything else. Please remember to check out my book's website and Facebook page. Bye.

Mayehm's Occultus and the Muppets' Floyd Pepper are one and the same

Say what you will, but I still maintain that it takes a real man to pull off the bucket-hat-with-purple-bandana look.