Personal Services (1987)
Actors:
John Bailey (actor),
Alan Bowyer (actor),
Arnold Brown (actor),
Bernard Brown (actor),
Anthony Carrick (actor),
Peter Cellier (actor),
Anthony Collin (actor),
Arthur Cox (actor),
Jeffrey Daunton (actor),
Mark Hardy (actor),
Arthur Hewlett (actor),
Rupert Holliday-Evans (actor),
Ewan Hooper (actor),
Paul Imbusch (actor),
Dave Atkins (actor),
Genres:
Comedy,
Quotes:
[during a police raid on the brothel]::Jones: [to Lennox, a senior police officer] This the woman and these are the premises on which I have kept observation over the last three months. This house has been operating as brothel during that time.::Lennox: You've heard the officer. What have you got to say?::Christine Painter: If I'd known he'd been out there all that time I'd have asked him in for a cup of tea.
[During a raid on the brothel, the police burst into a room and find a man screwing a prostitute]::Policeman: Armed police officers. Stop what you are doing.::Client: [gleefully] I don't care who you are. I'm not stopping now.
[Wing Commander Morten, dressed in a French maid's uniform, is dragged along the corridor to the cells after a police raid on the brothel]::Morten: [yells] I am retired officer of the RAF, twice decorated. I flew two hundred and seven missions over occupied territory - in bra and panties!::Policeman: You're a disgrace.::[the cell door slams shut]::Morten: [yells, with hands on hips] This is no way to treat a lady!
[Being interviewed by the police after the raid on the brothel]::Christine Painter: It's just like a Tupperware party, really. But I sell sex instead of plastic containers. If the wives were willing, I'd be out of a job, wouldn't I? But they go off sex - they'd rather sell Tupperware, ha-bloody-ha. Sex soon goes out of a marriage. I'm a bit old-fashioned, really - I believe in marriage. Men are animals, sexually. They don't talk a *bit* of sense till you've got them de-spunked. Women are more affectionate. They like a bit of affection. Though I've met a few horny buggers in my time. The wife wants a three-piece-suite. If she gave the man sex, he might be more inclined to come across with the three-piece-suite. It may not be a fashionable thing to say, but once you've got him de-spunked, and he's sitting there thinking he's all wonderful - done you a good turn, given you a pair of soggy knickers - in the afterglow of his glory he's more inclined to come across with the Draylon three-piece, don't you think?::Glossop: You could well be right, love, I dunno. Personally, I've been married for twenty years and we still go at it like rabbits.
[At the police station after the raid on the brothel]::Christine Painter: I'm responsible - not the men. You can't expect the men to be responsible. When the balls are full, the brain is empty.
[at the police station after the raid on the brothel, police officers Lennox and Timms are planning to charge Christine]::Lennox: We're looking to make several charges - including possessing obscene articles for gain, selling liquor without a licence, running a disorderly house and keeping a brothel.::Christine Painter: I just perform a service.::Timms: You *will* go down for this.::Christine Painter: I only go down for a price, dear, and I doubt if you could afford it.
Christine Painter: Pass me a tissue, Wing Commander.