Episode 6: Return of the Seasonal Message

Everybody's favourite pagan drinking festival is almost upon us. The decorations are up, the lights are on, the shops are full and school children across the land are dusting off their sheep costumes for another year as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Our Lord Saviour and Protector Cliff. Tradition dictates that I mark this event with some seasonal blogging, even if I haven't bothered to write anything since last xmas.

Usually, this message consists of some unoriginal reflections on the non-existent "War on Christmas" apparently being waged by an Army of Godless-Liberal-Socialist-Pinko-Homosexual-Feminist-Islamofascist-Terrorists. This year, there appears to have been a lull in hostilities with few high profile clashes.

There was a minor skirmish in Broxtowe in Nottinghamshire. A leaflet distributed by the council outlining their festive plans referred to "Christmas Elves", "Christmas pop tunes", and a special dance "to link the Diwali and Christmas celebrations," but this wasn't good enough for the stalwart defenders of Christmas who derided the council's reference to a "Beeston Lights Switch On Event" held on November 28, almost a month before Christmas. Cue inane comments like, "We have had Christian tradition in this country for thousands of years" (about, two thousand, actually) and a promise by the council to use the term next year.

This is of course, complete nonsense. With lights on for almost a quarter of the year in many towns, it is bizarre that we should think of them only as "Christmas" lights. It should be obvious that none of this has anything to do with Christianity. Christmas is after all a pagan festival hijacked by Christians as a way of getting themselves through winter. Rather it is the latest front in an ongoing conflict raged by those who would set back what advances (in rights for women, homosexuals and ethnic minorities) have been made over the previous century.

None of this means we can't or shouldn't celebrate at this time of year. It's just that we shouldn't let a bunch of right-wing authoritarians dictate how we celebrate. Bear in mind that if we had their way we'd all be tea-total and would spend Christmas morning in church before going back to the Workhouse in the afternoon, with a quick break for bread and water if we were lucky.

One tradition I've decided not to follow this year is that of sending Christmas cards. I've never been a big card writer. I'd like to say this was driven by ethical considerations about destruction of forests, the generation of waste and the perpetuation of thoughtless consumerism. The truth, of course, is that I'm just a bit lazy. That said, this year, I have decided that instead of sending cards I'm going to send my friends an email (something I've done in past years, anyway) and donate the money to charity.

In case you're interested, I've decided to donate the money to the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, a group dedicated to ending "the destruction of habitat and slaughter of wildlife in the world's oceans in order to conserve and protect ecosystems and species." Do check them out, they've done a lot of good work and put Greenpeace to shame.

Talking about environmentalism, 2009 may well be remembered as the point at which we failed to stop anthropogenic climate change. That isn't inevitable, but I think it is very likely we will look back on it as the year where it became clear that our so called leaders were not up to the job.

From the attacks on climate activists during the G20 in April, through the failure to intervene in the closure of the Vestas factory on the Isle of Wight in July (despite an inspiring occupation by sacked workers), right up to the farce played out at Copenhagen, the reality of state capitalism's antagonism towards the environment is now obvious for all to see.

None of this makes climageddon inevitable, but it does mean that if we want a half decent world to live in for ourselves and future generations then we can't wait for our so called leaders to sort it out. It's down to us.

Something to think about while you're tucking into the steaming remains of a strangled turkey...

Happy Christmas, Chrismukkah, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Duckmass, Festivus, Hannukah, Hogmany, Holiday, HumanLight, Koruchun, Kwanza, New Year, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Winterval, Yalda and/or Yule!

Go forth and drink until you throw up your liver (but make sure you do it responsibly).

Previous years: 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004

Happy Xmas (War is Over) 2009

Bethlehem, West Bank

East Jerusalem, Israel/Palestine

Ramallah, West Bank

Mazar-e-Sharif, Afghanistan

Previous years: 2006, 2007,2008

Happy Xmas (War is Over) 2008

Sadr City, Baghdad, Iraq (Dec 24)

Amritsar, India (Dec 24)

Zimbabwe Embassy, London (Dec 20)

Episode V: The Seasonal Message Strikes Back

It's that time again. Happy shoppers are congregating in the cathedrals of consumerism, turkeys are contemplating going into hiding and Ron Wood's on tour once more. The annual celebration of Cliff Richard's birthday is a holiday replete with traditions old and new, but none more important than the Disillusioned kid seasonal message. Now in it's fifth year (no I hadn't either) this is almost the only reason this blog exists, given its inactivity over so much of the previous year. Fortunately its also a tour de force of shiny prose, witty reflections and cutting insight. (Note: prose, reflection and insight are not guaranteed.)

This is usually my opportunity to reflect on the so-called "War on Christmas" which the oxygen wasters of the right get so excited about. This year, the latest front in this war has opened up not far from me in Nottingham. Greenwood Junior School in Sneinton has got into all sorts of trouble for postponing a Christmas performance. According to the Torygraph:

Greenwood Junior School sent out a letter to parents saying the three-day festival of Eid al-Adha, which takes place between December 8 and 11, meant that Muslim children would be off school. That meant planning for the traditional nativity play were shelved because the school felt it would be too difficult to run both celebrations side by side.

The move has left parents furious. Janette Lynch, whose seven-year-old son Keanu attends the school, in Sneinton, Nottingham, said: "The head has a whole year to plan for Eid and so she should be able to plan for both religious festivals. I have never heard of this at a school. It is the first year my son has been there and a lot of the mums like me were really looking forward to seeing the children in the nativity."

Predictably, this hasn't gone down well with the fascist onanists of the BNP who quickly moved in to try and make political capital from the controversy. They grumbled, "such outrages will inevitably progress from the exception to the norm, if Britain fails to embrace the BNP and continues its present headlong plunge into the abyss."

Of course, reality is rather more complicated than the knuckle draggers can understand. An Associated Press report suggests that it isn't a nativity at all, but rather a pantomime (Cinderella, in fact) and that it hasn't been cancelled, only postponed to late January.

This pattern will be familiar to students of the War on Christmas: a manufactured controversy fuelling manufactured outrage which can then be capitalised on by the political right. In America where the Christian right is a major political movement this is all a much bigger deal. Here it's rather easier to be dismissive. The recently leaked BNP membership list indicates that the BNP are not a major political force in the Nottingham city area and with several of their prominent members in the area having left the party over the last year or so (including those most likely responsible for the leak) this can't have done them many favours.

In any case, as I've argued in previous years, the fundamental premise of the War on Christmas is wrong. Christmas is only superficially a Christian festival. The timing and most of the traditions are taken wholesale from paganism and any number of religious festivals take place at this time of year. Personally as a godless atheist hedonist I intend to enjoy as many of them as possible with little or no regard for their theocratic justifications. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we abolish religion and smash the state!

Happy Christmas, Chrismukkah, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Duckmass, Hannukah, Hogmany, Holidays, HumanLight, Koruchun, Kwanza, New Year, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Winterval, Yalda and/or Yule!

The War on Christmas

The Greeks really know how to celebrate Christmas.

Happy Xmas (War is Over) 2007

Um Salomona, West Bank

Baghdad, Iraq

Kabul, Afghanistan

Polar Express

Don't you just love this country sometimes?

Rail companies will be closing their networks until Thursday morning from about 8pm tonight after rejecting demands for at least a basic service on Boxing Day.

Britain is the only major European country that will be without a rail service on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, despite huge growth in demand. The quarter of British households without access to a car will struggle to get to Boxing Day sports fixtures. The sales will be under way – but only those with cars are likely to benefit: trains do not resume until after 6am on the 27th.

I'm not particularly interested in sports fixtures, don't give a flying sleigh about the sales and plan to spend Christmas and Boxing day at home with the family, nevertheless as one of those without a car (I don't own one and can't drive anyway) I can empathise with those who will find themselves unable to get where they want to be because of this arrangement.

The excuse offered by Association of Train Operating Companies for this, frankly pathetic, state of affairs is that they're just not getting enough pocket money from the government. The association insisted that members would run services only if they received extra subsidy. A spokesman whined, “Train companies are not in the business of running services they know will lose money. Undoubtedly there would be some demand, but not enough to justify a commercial service.” A senior rail industry source told the Times: “We will run trains if the Government funds them. They already subsidise the railway for 363 days a year so why not the remaining two?”

A cross-party group of 28 MPs has signed an Early Day Motion expressing their "deep disappointment" with the rail companies and calling for them to get themselves on track to provide a proper service next year. What with the record of EDM's this isn't exactly encouraging, but it's a start and you might want to consider writing to your MP encouraging them to add their names. The lazy sods will probably be on holiday until mid-January, though.

This all points, of course, to the sheer lunacy of a privatised public transport system. It's overpriced, not very good and still requires a gargantuan amount of taxpayers money. Predictably, the Times article from which most of this post is derived doesn't draw the obvious conclusion, but polls show majority support for renationalisation of the railways and frankly even a government as incompetent as the current one ought to be able to do a better job than the money-grabbing fat cats currently holding the keys.

Episode IV: The New Seasonal Message

It's that time of year again. The tree's up, the tinsel's out and Shane MacGowan's been dethawed for his annual outing. Winterval is well and truly upon us. The annual celebration of Cliff Richard's birth is a time closely associated with tradition: the giving of gifts; overconsumption; the singing of carol; the Docto Who christmas special; and, of course, the Disillusioned kid seasonal message. Now in its fourth year (honestly, count 'em) this seasonal event is hotly anticipated by nobody in particular, but might go someway to making up for my generally piss-poor efforts at blogging over the previous year.

Normally my seasonal ramblings consist primarily of various musings on the "War on Christmas" which assorted right-wing nutjobs insist is being waged by a conspiracy of secular-lefty-liberal-PC-islamist-thugs. Invented by American "conservatives" as a stick to beat their political opponents with the concept has been hinted at by some of the nuttier elements of the British right, but has yet to exert any real influence on British political culture. The fact that there isn't and never has been such a conflict outside the paranoid delusions and well-honed persecution complexes of Rebekah Wade and Stephen Green is probably a crucial factor in this absence.

This year I've been fortunate enough to avoid any mention of the War. The tabloids are obviously more interested in writing about a photogenic blond, white girl while the soi-disant "true defenders of the faith" in the BNP are too busy fighting amongst themselves to put up much of a defence. Even their "patriotic Christian" front-group the Christian Council of Britain seems to have nothing to say on the matter. If there were a war it looks like they'd be losing. Which ought to be a comfort.

For what it's worth I enjoy the festive season as much as anybody despite, or perhaps because of, my complete lack of faith. As I've suggested in the past, Christians have no monopoly over winter festivities. Indeed, they are a recurring theme in various cultures. This is hardly surprising. What better cure for the winter blues than a big party? Indeed winter festivities pre-date Christianity's emergence by some way. In fact, th Romans actually held a festival on December 25 which they called Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, "the birthday of the unconquered sun." (Note the parallels with Christianity's birth of the son of God.) Christianity settled on the date largely arbitrarily, although the available evidence (much of it derived directly from biblical accounts) suggests that Christ was most likely born in the autumn. Holding the festival in winter served as a sweetener to putative converts who wouldn't have to give up their traditional parties. This also helps to explain the co-option of pre-Christian symbols such as holly.

To cut a long story short, I have no problem at all with stripping Christmas of its religious content. I don't believe that this inevitably reduces the holiday to a celebration of consumer capitalism. In a post written last year, Jason Godesky argued that gift giving is in a sense a hangover from tribal societies and noted that it offers an alternative to market economics, one operating according to an inherently incompatible logic. On this basis, he concluded, that a society in which Roy Wood got his wish and Christmas was celebrated everyday would be a gift-economy and hence something to be striven for. I know it's hard to believe as you do battle with crowds of angry shoppers to get that last copy of Delia Smith's latest cookbook, but Christmas is, in a small way, a glimpse of a post-revolutionary society. Just with Cliff Richard on the soundtrack.

In my experience, radicals never turn up the opportunity for a party so why should this one be any different? I'll be tucking into my nut roast on Tuesday, supping the odd alcoholic beverage and foreshadowing the coming gift economy as I'm sure will most of you. Enjoy it.

Happy Christmas, Chrismukkah, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Duckmass, Hannukah, Hogmany, Holidays, HumanLight, Koruchun, Kwanza, New Year, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Winterval, Yalda and/or Yule!

Happy Christmas (War Is Over)

Kabul, Afghanistan

Kandahar, Afghanistan

Basra, Iraq

Those of you looking to volunteer in the War on Christmas can sign up here.

Christmas TV

Reindeer: Horses With Antlers

The tree's up, the tinsel's out and Slade are back on the wireless. It's time once again to celebrate the birth of Doctor Who, make our annual sojourn to the Church of Consumerism and await Satan's visit and his bulging sack. It's time also, for that other festive tradition (i.e. something that's happened more than once before), the Disillusioned kid Seasonal Message. Obviously, I wouldn't dream of going against tradition so, for your delectation and delight, here's this year's winterval waffle.

Perhaps surprisingly given my all-pervading cynicism, I actually like Christmas. Last year I suggested that this might stem, at least in part from "a naive hope that the season of goodwill contains the seeds of a better world," but didn't really explore the ramifications of this idea. Conveniently, Jason Godesky has actually done that for me this year. In a fascinating post, he ruminates on what would happen if Roy Wood actually got his wish and Christmas was celebrated every day of the year. Godesky argues that gift giving is in a sense a hangover from tribal societies and notes that it offers an alternative to market economics, one operating according to an inherently incompatible logic. On this basis, he concludes,

What would it be like if we really did make Christmas last the whole year long? It would be a gift economy—it would be a tribe. It's no empty holiday slogan: it's our birthright. We deserve nothing less, and settling for less is killing us. If we don't demand more, if we don't demand what we deserve, and if we don't do it right now, then we have ceded our right to survive. It's time we actually did make Christmas last all year—nothing less will do.

Obviously, that's what I was getting at.

To suggest that Christmas is generally a good thing is not to ignore the concomitant downsides: mindless consumerism, sweatshop labour, domestic violence, animal cruelty etc. These are products of wider societal problems (capitalism, patriarchy, exploitation of animals), not of the season per se. Those problems need to be tackled, but that doesn't, or at least shouldn't, preclude us enjoying the festivities. Go forth and drink until you throw up your liver,* for tomorrow we smash capitalism.

Of course, one of the less salutary traditions at this time of year is the increasingly obstreperous mumblings from the right of the isle about a nascent "War on Christmas." In reality there isn't and never has been such a conflict outside the paranoid delusions and well-honed persecution complexes of Rebekah Wade and Stephen Green. It is interesting to note that while the Daily Mail (via) is fulminating about the fact that "only one in 100 Christmas cards sold in Britain contains any religious imagery or message," militant secularist George W. Bush seems to have no problem with sending a card emblazoned with a picture of the White House in snow and making mention only of "the season."

Much of the "controversy" around the matter this year seems to have been stirred-up by the tabloid press in order to boost their readership. They're not alone, however. The BNP, the soi-disant "true defenders of the faith," have also been getting their knickers in a twist about "the Labour controlled central government, many local councils, and the entire Politically Correct anti-British Establishment doing all they can to undermine the Christian festival of Christmas." Now, I'm not suggesting that every Christian Soldier who has signed up to this valiant fight is an unreconstructed fascist, but it is telling that this valiant struggle has been so easily co-opted by Griff & Co.

Christmas is only a Christian festival in a very limited sense. Festivities at this time of year pre-date Christianity's emergence and the Romans even held a festival on December 25 called Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, "the birthday of the unconquered sun." Christianity settled on the date largely arbitrarily, although the available evidence suggests that Christ was most likely born in the autumn. Holding the festival in winter served as a sweetener to putative converts who wouldn't have to give up their traditional parties. This also helps to explain the co-option of pre-Christian symbols such as holly.

Although I've described this process as "hijacking" in the past, I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with it. Winter's cold and miserable, and frankly why would anybody bother if there wasn't a party in the middle of it? If you want to assign that some religious significance -whatever its origins - feel free. Whatever flies your sleigh. But don't try and tell me you have a monopoly over seasonal festivities and don't expect the rest of us to be singing from the same carol sheet. I'll enjoy my nut roast perfectly fine without having God's Seal of Approval.

The problem of course is that our courageous Christian Soldiers are motivated less by a desire to defend the festive spirit than by a thinly-veiled political agenda. Jarndyce describes the so-called war as "a cipher for our thoughts about immigration," and there's more than a snowflake of truth to that assessment. The War on Christmas is fundamentally a stick for beating radicals, liberals and ethnic minorities with. It's part of the wider struggle against the evils of "political correctness" - a largely meaningless catch-all phrase wielded by the right as a whipping-boy embodying their multitudinous dislikes (anti-racism, gay rights, health and safety regulations, immigration, red-tape, religious tolerance etc.). Our brave Christian Soldiers are involved in an ambitious political project and won't be satisfied until they've overturned every progressive development of the last fifty-years. If they want a war, we'll give 'em one, although I'd appreciate it if they could hang on until Tuesday.

Happy Christmas, Chrismukkah, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Duckmass, Hannukah, Hogmany, Holidays, HumanLight, Koruchun, Kwanza, New Year, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Winterval, Yalda and/or Yule!

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* Please remember to drink responsibly