Acts Of The Apostasy

The ‘2 Jesus Children’ Theory: Uhhh…What???

Posted on April 11, 2016 by thelarryd

The Huffington Post’s Religion section: your go-to source for facepalm humor.

Case in point:

The Bible Unlocked: It Took Two Jesus Children To Make THE Jesus, by Kristina Kaine

It is no accident that the genealogies in St Matthew and St Luke’s Gospel are different. One traces the ancestry of a highly developed human being living on this earth. The other traces the spiritual legacy of a pure human spirit incarnating for the first time on the earth. Wisdom in one, innocence in the other.

The question we can ask is this. Could Christ, a mighty Cosmic Being beyond our understanding, who had never experienced life in a physical body on this earth, just be born through a mother as we all are? That would be like saying the sun could enter this earth and shine from within it.

By looking closely at the two genealogies, it is not difficult to see that two different Jesus children were born to two different Marys with two different fathers called Joseph. The Matthew Jesus descends from the Solomon line of the House of David. The Luke Jesus descends from the Nathan line of the House of David. If we look into our own genealogy we know that we are quite different from our cousins whose parents were siblings of our great grandparents – then multiply that for all the generations mentioned in the Matthew and Luke Gospels.

The Matthew Jesus child was the product of 42 preceding generations from Abraham to Joseph. Kings visited him when he was born, whereas shepherds visited the Luke child. The Luke Jesus’ genealogy reaches back to Adam when human beings first left their spiritual domain and took on flesh – as told in the story in the Garden of Eden. These details are very important yet often skipped over.

I have written about this in detail in my book Who is Jesus : What is Christ, Vol 1. Why mainstream theologians do not explore this information is a mystery.

Kristina, let me help you out. It’s not a mystery.

Mainstream theologians don’t explore this because it’s stupid. There weren’t two mothers named Mary, nor were there two fathers named Joseph. There were not two Jesuses (Jesi? What is the plural of Jesus, anyway?).

After some digging around, I came across Rudolf Steiner, a turn-of-the-20th century philosopher, who perhaps first proposed the 2-Jesus Theory. From Wikipedia:

Steiner also posited two different Jesus children involved in the Incarnation of the Christ: one child descended from Solomon, as described in the Gospel of Matthew; the other child from Nathan, as described in the Gospel of Luke.^[83] He references in this regard the fact that the genealogies in these two gospels list twenty-six (Luke) to forty-one (Matthew) completely different ancestors for the generations from David to Jesus.

Which goes to show that there’s nothing new under the sun.

Except for maybe this next bit from the Huffington article:

Before that can happen, these two Jesus children will become one. We read about this event in Luke when his parents lost track of him. They found him three days later and he was a changed person.

If we put ourselves in Joseph and Mary’s shoes as they entered the temple and found their unearthly, innocent son – autistic in today’s terms – in deep dialogue with the teachers in the temple, we can experience their amazement.

Jesus was autistic. Huh -hadn’t heard that before.

Photo credit: xxdr_zombiexx via VisualHunt / CC BY

Don’t miss anything – like Acts of the Apostasy on Facebook!

Posted in Bible, Huffington Post, Jesus Facepalm Moments, Unbefreakinlievable, Weapons Grade Crazy, What the....? | 2 Comments

I’m In The ‘Amoris Laetitia’ Bubble

Posted on April 8, 2016 by thelarryd

It’s been several hours since the release of ‘Amoris Laetitia’, Pope Francis’ Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation. My goal is to stay in “the bubble” until I have read the entire thing, and form my own conclusions. The easy peasy way to do that is to eschew Pewsitters. The easiest way is to just stay off the Internet, but that’s crazy talk.

My plan is to read the exhortation this weekend, allow it to settle in for a few days, and then perhaps comment on it. I’ve done fairly well thus far – read one short commentary, unfortunately watched America Magazine’s God-awful video (spare yourself, don’t watch it!), and saw a bunch of tweets.

You can download the exhortation here. It’s only 260-some-odd pages…

So far, I’ve read one chapter, and my first impression is…well, like I said, I’ll read the whole thing before commenting, because first impressions aren’t always the most reliable. Pope Francis has a unique writing style that, for me, requires time, space and lots of coffee to get at his deeper meanings.

Bubble-bursting comments will be edited.

Photo credit: Aleteia Image Partners via VisualHunt / CC BY-SA

Don’t miss anything – like Acts of the Apostasy on Facebook!

Posted in Apostolic Exhortation, Catholic Stuff, Pope Francis | 9 Comments

PARISH REPORT: Near Disaster As Liturgical Dancers Unknowingly Mimic Choking Lead Dancer

Posted on April 6, 2016 by thelarryd

Members of St Astaire’s Synchronized Liturgical Dance Team, mimicking lead dancer Gabby von Abby’s (not shown) actions, moments before realizing she was actually choking.

(AoftheANews) POUGHKEEPSIE – Parishioners at St. Astaire’s 9:30 Mass expected to be treated to a joyful expression of faith by their Ministry of Motion synchronized liturgical dance team. Instead, they witnessed a horrifying scene that nearly resulted in serious injury to the team’s lead motion minister, Gabby von Abby.

“We were caught by surprise,” MoM member Floris Wyndchyme told AoftheA News. “It was during the altar purification ritual dance, and Gabby was in the sanctuary. Her hands went to her throat, and we assumed it was a free-form, Spirit-led movement, so naturally, we followed along. It wasn’t until her face turned blue and her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets that we realized it wasn’t part of the choreography.”

Fr Roger Gingers quick actions prevented any serious harm. As Gabby dropped to one knee, emphatically pointing at her throat, Gingers tossed aside his tambourine and rushed to her aid. He performed the Heimlich maneuver, ejecting a wad of ginseng-infused kale flavored gum that had become lodged in her trachea.

The dance team then twirled vibrant, colorful ribbons around her as she regained her breath, to help her feel better.

Parishioners in attendance told AoftheA News that by Mass end, von Abby had fully recovered, leading her dance team in a vigorous recessional routine to the tune “Lord of the Dance.”

Photo credit: michael_swan via Visual hunt / CC BY-ND

Don’t miss anything – like Acts of the Apostasy on Facebook!

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire | 5 Comments

How NOT To Answer “Is Jesus The Son Of God?”

Posted on April 4, 2016 by thelarryd

I came across a religion article I had bookmarked a while back. It’s from last August, via the Huffington Post, written by James Tabor.

Was Jesus the Son of God? It’s Complicated

Most of us who teach in the field of Christian Origins get asked from time to time by students or in public lectures, “Professor, Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?” As it turns out, the question, like all historical queries, is more complicated than meets the eye.

Scholars are aware of the rich and diverse ways in which the term “Son of God” is used in the Hebrew Bible, in subsequent Jewish literature, and in the New Testament writings themselves, not to mention various non-Jewish texts (including inscriptions and coins) of the Greco-Roman period. Most of us who teach in the field of Christian Origins get asked from time to time by students or in public lectures, “Professor, do you believe Jesus was X.” Sometimes X is “Messiah,” other times it is “Divine,” but in my experience, most often, the question is “Do you believe that Jesus was the Son of God.” In good Socratic fashion one is tempted to reply, “Well what do you mean by the term ‘Son of God,’ and such a counter question is certainly more than subterfuge. Here is a listing of most of the complex ways in which that term is used in the Christian Bible and other related traditions:

Tabor goes on to list ten – ten! – ways ‘Son of God’ can be interpreted, including one that references Julius Caesar and other Roman emperors by virtue of how divi filius was inscribed on coins. I’m not sure how that applies in this circumstance, but shoot, I’m not no theologian. And of the remaining nine interpretations, only three deal with Jesus directly.

Sorry, professor, the question isn’t what’s complicated. It’s your answer.

He ends the article by finally answering the question, and he gets it wrong.

Given this complexity and diversity what one might mean by calling Jesus the “Son of God” could range from an affirmation of Jesus as God’s favored choice as Israel’s anointed king, to ideas of a preexistent Divine being who is born of a woman with no human father, and thus “becomes flesh” (Incarnation), with ranges of views in between. But not to dodge the question, my own view is that he was an apocalyptic proclaimer of the Kingdom of God who went to his death with faith in God’s promise to redeem Israel and the world.

The link’s dead, by the way. Look, I’m sure Tabor is intelligent – after all, he is a college professor and has written books. That takes smarts. I’m sure he could talk circles around me regarding his expertise. But his answer’s wrong, and this “It’s complicated” dissertation is ridiculous. Explaining how you could be your own grandpa is complicated. Asking someone how to get from Boston to Dallas, and you get directions that includes stops in Detroit, Des Moines, Billings, and Reno is complicated. This is not complicated.

All of this flies in the face of Matthew 16, where Christ asked His disciples who do people say that He is. After their ‘complex and diverse’ answers, we know what happened next:

Maybe according to Tabor. Who knows?

No, this is how Jesus replied: “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but MY FATHER who is in heaven.” [emphasis mine] Huh – Jesus called God ‘my Father’. Sounds rather uncomplicated, doesn’t it?

The beauty of being Catholic is that the Church is meticulous and clear when defining and defending Her beliefs. She simplifies the complicated wherever possible, not the other way around. The Church teaches that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God. It is revealed multiple times in the Gospels: The Holy Spirit overshadowed Mary and she bore Jesus; He called God ‘Abba’ and ‘Father’; twice God’s voice could be heard coming from a cloud “This is my beloved Son”, to cite a few.

In the Catechism, paragraphs 441-445 lay out the Church’s belief – complete with copious footnotes and references. Paragraph 443 begins with: “Peter could recognize the transcendent character of the Messiah’s divine sonship because Jesus had clearly allowed it to be so understood.”

In other words, Jesus revealed his sonship so obviously, that even a dumb fisherman was able to recognize who Jesus was.

But for this particular Christian Origins professor…it’s complicated. And wrong.

Is Jesus the Son of God? Yes. Full.Stop.

Posted in Catechesis, Huffington Post, Theology | 5 Comments

Not Everyone Believes In Divine Mercy

Posted on April 3, 2016 by thelarryd

Hard to believe, but it’s true. The devotion itself is optional – no Catholic is required to pray the chaplet. Nobody’s required to even like the devotion. But to declare it a “false devotion”, or a tool of Satan, as the raddest of trads and sedevacantists do?

No way no how.

There are a host of crazy “reasons” via the above links. Here’s one:

“…the Divine Mercy Devotion is centered around mercy at a time when mankind was coming closer and closer to having filled up the cup of divine justice. The problem at that time, and today, of course, was that men didn’t fear God and continued to offend Him. They needed to hear about His justice. But the Divine Mercy devotion was the perfect false devotion to make people believe that they will receive God’s mercy even if they stay in their sins – instructing people to even “worship” His mercy.”

Not sure where they get this idea that people will receive God’s mercy even if they stay in their sins. It’s similar to what I’ve heard people say about Pope Francis’ Jubilee Year of Mercy, and his frequent call for us to be merciful to others. Weird, I know, but it’s happened.

There are numerous times in “Divine Mercy in My Soul”, St Faustina’s Diary, where the need for the Sacrament of Confession is mentioned – where repentance is necessary, and advice on how to make a good confession. The bottom line, though, is that God is the sole judge of a person’s heart, and He is not bound by the Sacraments. I believe that a person who contritely begs for God’s mercy will not be denied it because he wasn’t in the confessional at that moment. After all, the Good Thief was forgiven and assured of his salvation, without asking for forgiveness.

(I’m not advocating that the sacrament is unnecessary, btw. We need it for the graces and for absolution. If you knew me, you’d know how often I take advantage of it. God, on the other hand, is not bound by the sacraments.)

I think their attitude is simply this: they’re afraid Jesus will show mercy to people they believe neither deserve it nor are worthy of it. It might be a tad presumptuous for me to say this, but if such people aren’t careful, they’ll one day discover that they’ve become those ‘people’.

As far as divine justice goes? From St Faustina’s Diary:

“While I was saying the chaplet, I heard a voice which said, Oh, what great graces I will grant to souls who say this chaplet; the very depths of My tender mercy are stirred for the sake of those who say the chaplet. Write down these words, My daughter. Speak to the world about My mercy; let all mankind recognize My unfathomable mercy. It is a sign for the end times; after it will come the day of justice. While there is still time, let them have recourse to the fount of My mercy; let them profit from the Blood and Water which gushed forth for them.“

The day of God’s Justice is indeed coming. Now is the day to make recourse to His mercy. Unfortunately, some Catholics would rather see people suffer under God’s justice than be healed by His mercy. “Mercy for me, but not for thee.”

That isn’t how it works.

Image source: photo of my personal prayer card. Can be reprinted with permission.

Don’t miss anything – like Acts of the Apostasy on Facebook!

Posted in Divine Mercy, Not All Catholics Are Catholic, Pope Francis, Sedavacantism | 3 Comments

PARISH REPORT: Study Shows High Number Of Easter Mass-goers Still Get Responses Wrong

Posted on March 30, 2016 by thelarryd

(AoftheANews) WALLA WALLA – A recent report issued by the Diocese of Walla Walla shows that a significant number of Easter Sunday Mass attendees continue to stumble over many of the revised translation responses. The revised translation was put into effect in Advent 2011.

“The data shows that the percentage of incorrect responses has remained steady at 32% across all Easter masses – including the Vigil – for the past four years,” diocesan spokesman Joe King told AoftheA News. “The numbers are slightly lower at Christmas.”

“The most incorrect response during Easter remains ‘And with your Spirit’,” King said. “Still hear a lot of ‘And also with you…..ur Spirit’. And a few ‘It is right to give him thanks and praise’, too.”

The numbers for regular Sunday masses has been steadily dropping – from a high of 42% in 2012, down to a mere 7% in 2015. Regular Church goers have memorized the responses, and now say them with the same automatic, unconscious reaction as seen before the revised translation was implemented.

He explained that the diocese expects the 7% figure from 2015 to remain constant through 2016, because a few priests slip in the traditional Confetior from time to time.

“I doubt that will ever change,” King said. “It’s like some sort of practical joke with them.”

Photo credit: Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views via Visual Hunt / CC BY

Don’t miss anything – like Acts of the Apostasy on Facebook!

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, Parish Report, Satire | 3 Comments