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April 9, 2016
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Too rainy to go out and check

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AAPL -5.23%

Big Shiny Apple Merkins (AAPL): $418.37 (-$23.07) (-5.23%) Shares continued their steady decline as Silicon Valley investors continued to respond negatively to the iPhone maker’s bizarre, cumbersome new name.

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Shimmering Immaculate Republican Candidate Appears Before GOP Officials

‘It’s Him,’ Stunned Conservative Leaders Mutter

WASHINGTON—Explaining how they froze in place and stared up at the miraculous vision in rapt wonder, members of the Republican Party leadership reported that the shimmering image of an immaculate, ideal GOP presidential candidate appeared before them for a brief moment Friday and hovered in front of the party’s headquarters in Washington.

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