Dec 10
Click for full imagePerry Armstrong Comments: This single photograph might be all that remains, speaking to future ages by saying: “Watch out you two, you’re about to be hit by a spaceship!”
Published 1976
(Average: 7.31 out of 10)
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Perry Armstrong Comments: This single photograph might be all that remains, speaking to future ages by saying: “Watch out you two, you’re about to be hit by a spaceship!”
Published 1976
(Average: 7.31 out of 10)Loading...
(9.96 out of 10) (9.32 out of 10) (9.19 out of 10) (9.11 out of 10) (9.09 out of 10) (9.08 out of 10) (9.08 out of 10) (9.07 out of 10) (9.06 out of 10) (9.05 out of 10)
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December 10th, 2015 at 1:21 pm
‘Be turned into chunky salsa in a high speed collision, or be stuck forever on this cover with this git…you tell me which one you’d choo/–‘
December 10th, 2015 at 1:23 pm
‘Elizabeth Holden, better known by her pen name Louise Lawrence, was an English science fiction author, acclaimed during the 1970s and 1980s. She has been classified as a writer with the worst sci/fi fantasy book covers. She died on December 6, 2013 of a heart attack in her home at Kiltimagh, Ireland, after suffering from font problems a number of years prior.’
December 10th, 2015 at 1:23 pm
Pleather Goddess of Phobos
December 10th, 2015 at 1:30 pm
Well I guess we know who got all the eyebrows in this family.
December 10th, 2015 at 1:32 pm
https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/louise-lawrence/andra/
Almost as depressing as this cover.
December 10th, 2015 at 1:34 pm
Well I had to know more, so I Googled it. Apparently this was a short-lived Australian TV series.
“Set in the year 4000AD in the underground society of Sub City One, a teenage girl, Andra, is injured in an accident and is given the preserved brain of a young man who lived in the 1980s.”
Wikipedia notes: “The Andra TV series (8 x 30 minute episodes) is unique amongst such shows as to have been created on such as small budget that in the background, in crowd scenes, the ‘crowd’ is actually made up of store clothing dummies. The sets, instead of containing items of furniture, or other articles, are large white blocks piled up on each other.”
December 10th, 2015 at 1:40 pm
The gent is sporting the same tuft of hair as the beast on yesterday’s cover.
December 10th, 2015 at 1:49 pm
Agent: “John, Johnny baby, what I deal I swung for you. ABC Network. Eight 30-minute episodes. Huge budget. Hot co-star, you’ll love it. I know it’s TV, but frankly, Johnny, the big scripts haven’t exactly been flooding in since RED 2 and all.”
John Malkovich: “ABC, huh? Well, it’s a major American network . . . and a big budget you say?”
Agent: Right! Right! Er, well, the ABC thing—it’s actually Australian Broadcasting Company, but a great network anyway, right? And, uh, maybe the budget is a ‘little’ tighter than we’d like. And ‘hot’ of course is in the eye of the beholder. But wait until you see the eyebrows, babes, you’re gonna love it!”
December 10th, 2015 at 3:26 pm
It sounds like THX1138 crossed with All of me. The transexual angle makes it ripe for a BBC redo.
December 10th, 2015 at 3:45 pm
@RayP: I don’t rightly know about that. Speaking as a gentleman who was a teenager in the 1980s, I think I would spend a lot more time compelling Ms. Andra to play NES and listen to hair metal. 😛
December 10th, 2015 at 4:05 pm
If it has Hawkwind providing the soundtrack (esp. Quark, Strangeness and Charm) I’m sold.
December 10th, 2015 at 5:08 pm
– Professor?
– Yes, Andra, what is it?
– Remember the large vice you got angry at and threw out the airlock yesterday?
– I do, Andra. What about it?
– Remember how you told me that objects stayed in the orbit or even fell back to their starting point if it didn’t reach the escape velocity?
– Yes, though I’m not sure I follow your meaning, Andra.
– Well-
*thud*
December 10th, 2015 at 5:53 pm
What is up with that man’s hair? I think you’ll understand me when I say I don’t see the point of wearing a wig that shows you’re balding. I really, really don’t. And given how far forward his head is, he’s clearly got some neck and back problems.
December 10th, 2015 at 6:43 pm
@Anna T.—in space, hair is not subject to laws of gravitation. I think that accounts for the look.
December 10th, 2015 at 8:21 pm
I’m surprised Perry Armstrong didn’t say something like this:
General: My Lord President, the Doctor has fled Gallifrey, taking the effects budget with him!
Rassilon: Never mind that, we’re on Australian telly and nobody’s watching.
General: And there’s a giant roof-rack approaching in chroma-key!
Rassilon: See to it, and give me my hat back.
December 10th, 2015 at 8:26 pm
“Check out my new remote-controlled model spaceship.”
“It is very nice.”
“Yes. I am going to have so much fun.”
“Yes. So much fun.”
“Please put me out of my misery.”
“You put me out of my misery first.”
December 10th, 2015 at 11:23 pm
@Tat Wood(15): I figured someone would come up with a Gallifrey joke, and I doubt mine would’ve been as funny
If my caption appears to start abruptly, it’s because less than half of my original submission was published, for whatever reason. It gave a potted background to the book & series, and might well have been sheer poetry, dear boy, but its absence prompted some excellent research by Dead Stuff, fred and Tom Noir who brought up every point I’d originally made, and then some!
December 10th, 2015 at 11:42 pm
I’d just like to step in here for just a moment and mention that ‘Topliner Redstar’ looks a bit like ‘Topuner Redstar’, which doesn’t mean anything, but if you scramble all of the letters together you get ‘Trout Panderers’, which sounds naughty. I’m done now, thank you.
December 11th, 2015 at 1:33 am
The accusing glare that says, “Who nicked the letter ‘e’ from my name?”
December 11th, 2015 at 4:06 am
@Dead Stuff(18): I’m surprised you didn’t just go with ‘Topliner Redstar’ itself, as it’s an anagram treasure trove:
Interlard Tropes (pretty much what we do in this forum)
Lipread Torrents (a memorable scene from 2001)
Leotard Sprinter (’nuff said)
Rattled Prisoner (McGoohan on a bad day)
Pardon Litterers (which we should never do)
Transporter Deli (a future Jason Statham sequel)
Terrestrial Pond (11th Doctor’s first story)
Ad Litterer’s Porn (Chinese GSS?)
… and many more.
December 11th, 2015 at 7:45 am
As seen on ABC-TV… yaaayy…
Sales of antidepressants went through the roof near every bookstore that sold this edition.
December 11th, 2015 at 2:01 pm
/me smiles as Perry takes the bait
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A REAL ROTGUT
/me slaps Perry around a bit with TORTURE GALA
/me slaps Perry around a bit with ULTRA GAROTE
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A LEGAL TUTOR
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A REGULAR TOT
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A TUG REALTOR
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A GROUT ALERT
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A GAOL TURRET
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A GRUEL TAROT
and, last but not least,
/me slaps Perry around a bit with A TRUER GLOAT
December 11th, 2015 at 5:11 pm
@Tat Wood: Brilliant, sir, brilliant. I don’t think I could have done as well, either.
December 12th, 2015 at 9:31 am
@Perry Armstrong, @DSWBT: My turn!
A. RAND by Lila, Necrous Ewe
(Penetrators * dirl)
/AV baton scenes/
December 13th, 2015 at 1:32 pm
What this cover needs is better splashes.
“The Smash Hit TV Show, Now In Book Format!”
“Topliner NOVA WHITE-HOT Release”
“First Time In Paperback!”
“Foreword By ISAAC ASIMOV * ”
(* 3 lines which he wrote on a cocktail napkin during lunch)
December 13th, 2015 at 2:24 pm
@AR: ‘Coupon Inside!’
December 13th, 2015 at 3:22 pm
Andra – Uncut! *
(* contains 3 extra words removed during editing)
December 13th, 2015 at 10:22 pm
ANDRA NAKED PICS INSIDE! (should shift a few copies)
December 14th, 2015 at 3:15 am
ANDRA – Original authors text! *
(* leaves in the spelling errors and that weird chapter about the space wallaby that never did make sense)
December 14th, 2015 at 8:24 am
“Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda Been a New York Times Bestseller!”
December 23rd, 2015 at 2:45 pm
I think the look on her face screams, “Are you seriously going to take a photo of me in this getup? And posing with a wax manikin too!”