for assault, kidnapping, attempted murder, and conspiracy to same
olivia egan-rudolph
angela yonker
kyle thomas
katie woolsey
katy tosh
kelli schall
kelsey berg
brian glasscock
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
to/from a former anarcho-communist friend from santa cruz
so how's life sucking up to your wannabe-cop friends? or did you ever get to taste the joys of being 'accountable'? more specifically, accountable for the combination of your perspective on hierarchy and your relation to those who would usurp it. or maybe, since their goal was to silence me and us, they never read the blog and you got to continue your weaselly, brown-nosing existence among them?
well actually i heard they pretty much collapsed the student movement and particularly anti-authoritarian involvement in it, so i hope you feel good about your role in that.
well, enjoy the radiation plume coming your way. civilization sends its regards.
you are a fucking joke and i hate you almost more than all the rest of them.
also think about how much i would have loved sending you all up to the feds if i wasn't so sure that they were behind what happened to me in the first place. you don't even know whose pawns you are, do you? and for the sake of your self-righteousness you revel in that ignorance.
Dear individual I once knew,
As I no longer live in that god-forsaken town, I have no idea what is happening there. As you know my hermit-like existence, I do not associate with most of the people from last year except my close group of friends who I've known over the years. The whole situation is now a distant memory for me, but I assume for you, with your callous words and resentment, still persists. Your words brings pain to what we once had, as a friendship based upon something more tangible than anything having to do with the rotting foundations of culture, social life, or any of that nonsense. I'm sure you know this.
But let us remember, that these times are confusing, as we are all "like lost children" as you had once proclaimed -- this is an entirely new situation, one which no one is prepared for. Our ways of reacting and acting within them just shows the complete poverty of our experience. At this point in time, I believe that we can blame society, blame civilization, blame whoever, whatever, whenever. I believe we do live in an era of betrayal. You have been betrayed, one who was once a respected voice, or at least one whose steadfastness alarmed and "turned off" other people. But don't let it turn you into a terrible soul, don't lose yourself over this. I do think its possible for a soul to become forever lost, irreversibly damaged within this world, such as the various drug addicts, socialite-bohemians, people who've gone crazy, and whatnot. I do not know what your situation is like now, perhaps you indeed are lost, or maybe this is what you feel, I do not know.
The events that had unfolded after did not cause the collapse of the student movement. The student movement was already in decline, and what occurred was an expression of the untenability of what we were pursuing within the confines of the student identity, something we can both agree on, I am presuming. What was unique was our initiative within it, and our attempt to constitute ourselves beyond the university struggle.
The hysteria about radiation plumes, and the confusion of what exactly going to happen is quite hilarious. These experts and their wild predictions, while may be true, only confuses the situation. Consider how much 'radiation' or whatever, that you are receiving just being in front of a computer all the time, along with all the cell phone towers, and electrical waves that have been passing through all of us since we were born, the consequences of which we have yet to see. While it is horrible, and civilization is imploding, I believe such reactions are distractions from the real root of the matter and its potential resolution becomes even more ambiguous. If I get radiation poisoning, so be it.
As for the involvement of the feds, why are you even mentioning this? Why?
You "hate" me. I do not hate you. I will not reciprocate, if that is indeed what you desire. I just harbor great sadness and despair for all of us; we live during a time of utter damnation.
Regards,
x
dear whoever,
there are those who have spoken of the necessary intermingling of
cruelty and care, and i think you have shown this in the words you
wrote as well as the fact that you simply had anything to say back to
me at all. to be perfect honest i always really respected you and
enjoyed your company and thoughts and i was very hurt by your
betrayal. so for whatever is pleasing or bitter about this i
appreciate all of it.
well - for starters, so much of which i had hoped to convey to you you
already knew. and perhaps i was so hurt by your comment that i "always
was right" because it hit such a nerve. but you know what, it was only
one of a great number of nerves i was being struck by at that moment
and was having a very hysterical, paranoid and incredibly angry
reaction towards hitting anyone else's nerves were within reach.
somehow the lack of solidarity from people like you, [etc], all the people that i felt we had forged such bonds of
trust and love with... well, it was worse in some ways than all the
slander and attempted torture perpetrated by the half-witted children
rallying behind half-understood accusations - and all the nightmares
and all the daily fears about the threat to my future that such
accusations ensue.
so i don't know if you think i'm crazy. i have definitely taken a
decisive turn towards nihilism and misanthropy. or not even that as
much as total indifference. i have given up on ideologies, they are
never anything but the mortars of politics. i can see so deep with
math and logic, i can also in some ways see no farther than my own
material existence and my loyalty to my family and the valley i grew
up in, in other ways, everything makes a lot more sense to me.
but yeah, you know, and i know, that i was really preoccupied with
being right, and that i was really badly fucked over in a completely
bullshit and unfair and politically motivated way, and no not that i
was the cause of the decline of the student movement, but both a cause
and symptom of its peaking, both a symptom and victim of its decline.
"all friendship is political", indeed. all friendship or the lack
thereof, as is more usually the case. i look back at history - i see
nothing but hundreds of years of so called revolutionaries being
recuperated by every generation of innovative bosses. i imagine the
future, who is to say there is anything different coming. who is to
say i should hold myself responsible like all the other middle class
children who used to flagellate themselves by squatting and eating
garbage, who maybe in a later era, would be just as comfortable
setting themselves (and their children) up as inquisitors to judge the
next realization of heresy...
also, why mention the feds - why not?
do you not even care whose pawn you might have been? because i have
considered the same, and i think we were all pawns in a much bigger
game and the reason is that we involved ourselves in any kind of
politics whatsoever. such a fucking egotistical, bad idea.
well actually i heard they pretty much collapsed the student movement and particularly anti-authoritarian involvement in it, so i hope you feel good about your role in that.
well, enjoy the radiation plume coming your way. civilization sends its regards.
you are a fucking joke and i hate you almost more than all the rest of them.
also think about how much i would have loved sending you all up to the feds if i wasn't so sure that they were behind what happened to me in the first place. you don't even know whose pawns you are, do you? and for the sake of your self-righteousness you revel in that ignorance.
Dear individual I once knew,
As I no longer live in that god-forsaken town, I have no idea what is happening there. As you know my hermit-like existence, I do not associate with most of the people from last year except my close group of friends who I've known over the years. The whole situation is now a distant memory for me, but I assume for you, with your callous words and resentment, still persists. Your words brings pain to what we once had, as a friendship based upon something more tangible than anything having to do with the rotting foundations of culture, social life, or any of that nonsense. I'm sure you know this.
But let us remember, that these times are confusing, as we are all "like lost children" as you had once proclaimed -- this is an entirely new situation, one which no one is prepared for. Our ways of reacting and acting within them just shows the complete poverty of our experience. At this point in time, I believe that we can blame society, blame civilization, blame whoever, whatever, whenever. I believe we do live in an era of betrayal. You have been betrayed, one who was once a respected voice, or at least one whose steadfastness alarmed and "turned off" other people. But don't let it turn you into a terrible soul, don't lose yourself over this. I do think its possible for a soul to become forever lost, irreversibly damaged within this world, such as the various drug addicts, socialite-bohemians, people who've gone crazy, and whatnot. I do not know what your situation is like now, perhaps you indeed are lost, or maybe this is what you feel, I do not know.
The events that had unfolded after did not cause the collapse of the student movement. The student movement was already in decline, and what occurred was an expression of the untenability of what we were pursuing within the confines of the student identity, something we can both agree on, I am presuming. What was unique was our initiative within it, and our attempt to constitute ourselves beyond the university struggle.
The hysteria about radiation plumes, and the confusion of what exactly going to happen is quite hilarious. These experts and their wild predictions, while may be true, only confuses the situation. Consider how much 'radiation' or whatever, that you are receiving just being in front of a computer all the time, along with all the cell phone towers, and electrical waves that have been passing through all of us since we were born, the consequences of which we have yet to see. While it is horrible, and civilization is imploding, I believe such reactions are distractions from the real root of the matter and its potential resolution becomes even more ambiguous. If I get radiation poisoning, so be it.
As for the involvement of the feds, why are you even mentioning this? Why?
You "hate" me. I do not hate you. I will not reciprocate, if that is indeed what you desire. I just harbor great sadness and despair for all of us; we live during a time of utter damnation.
Regards,
x
dear whoever,
there are those who have spoken of the necessary intermingling of
cruelty and care, and i think you have shown this in the words you
wrote as well as the fact that you simply had anything to say back to
me at all. to be perfect honest i always really respected you and
enjoyed your company and thoughts and i was very hurt by your
betrayal. so for whatever is pleasing or bitter about this i
appreciate all of it.
well - for starters, so much of which i had hoped to convey to you you
already knew. and perhaps i was so hurt by your comment that i "always
was right" because it hit such a nerve. but you know what, it was only
one of a great number of nerves i was being struck by at that moment
and was having a very hysterical, paranoid and incredibly angry
reaction towards hitting anyone else's nerves were within reach.
somehow the lack of solidarity from people like you, [etc], all the people that i felt we had forged such bonds of
trust and love with... well, it was worse in some ways than all the
slander and attempted torture perpetrated by the half-witted children
rallying behind half-understood accusations - and all the nightmares
and all the daily fears about the threat to my future that such
accusations ensue.
so i don't know if you think i'm crazy. i have definitely taken a
decisive turn towards nihilism and misanthropy. or not even that as
much as total indifference. i have given up on ideologies, they are
never anything but the mortars of politics. i can see so deep with
math and logic, i can also in some ways see no farther than my own
material existence and my loyalty to my family and the valley i grew
up in, in other ways, everything makes a lot more sense to me.
but yeah, you know, and i know, that i was really preoccupied with
being right, and that i was really badly fucked over in a completely
bullshit and unfair and politically motivated way, and no not that i
was the cause of the decline of the student movement, but both a cause
and symptom of its peaking, both a symptom and victim of its decline.
"all friendship is political", indeed. all friendship or the lack
thereof, as is more usually the case. i look back at history - i see
nothing but hundreds of years of so called revolutionaries being
recuperated by every generation of innovative bosses. i imagine the
future, who is to say there is anything different coming. who is to
say i should hold myself responsible like all the other middle class
children who used to flagellate themselves by squatting and eating
garbage, who maybe in a later era, would be just as comfortable
setting themselves (and their children) up as inquisitors to judge the
next realization of heresy...
also, why mention the feds - why not?
do you not even care whose pawn you might have been? because i have
considered the same, and i think we were all pawns in a much bigger
game and the reason is that we involved ourselves in any kind of
politics whatsoever. such a fucking egotistical, bad idea.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
About David Benterou
yep, he was the interlocutor in the last emails posted here (2 posts below).
he was the one who wrote a number of the email texts quoted earlier, such as the one where he described angela yonker's partner kyle thomas as an abusive personality and fantasized about cutting his bike tires.
here's the last thing i had to say to him or to any of you all, and i would add the note: fuck you all, grow up, i don't want anything to do with any of you, period, because you are hypocritical, self-righteous liars.
you know i think it's just plain funny, you think i should be glad i didn't get charged legally by angela yonker who had no point to make and no proof to offer (other words why wasn't there a public discussion of this point?), while it's a point against me and k that there was a threat to call the cops. as if i'm to be held responsible, in other, more fashionable words, "accountable", for something i never did, while those who actually did something (assault, kidnapping and attempted torture) are to be excused prima facie. it's almost as if - excuse me for making this incredible revelation, based on your last emails - but it's almost as if you take RHETORIC more seriously than you take REALITY!
of course, you thought i should make a public apology and account myself to the tender mercies of the "radical community". as if i didn't try that already and as if we didn't both know what happened to me then! it's funny, again, how your facility with rhetoric renders what ACTUALLY HAPPENED into nonexistence, and what never happened, into some semblance of existence.
i know you're a big believer in self-defense and "radical women's totally justified self-protective maneuvers", well, good luck defending yourself when olivia and her followers know what you said about them!!
have fun with existing in a mental fog, maybe it's the only place you'll be able to exist if they beat you senseless.
you don't get it do you? i'm not one of you anymore. i am only looking out for me. with friends like you, who fucking needs friends?
david benterou's email is peterfuckingpan@riseup.net
he was the one who wrote a number of the email texts quoted earlier, such as the one where he described angela yonker's partner kyle thomas as an abusive personality and fantasized about cutting his bike tires.
here's the last thing i had to say to him or to any of you all, and i would add the note: fuck you all, grow up, i don't want anything to do with any of you, period, because you are hypocritical, self-righteous liars.
you know i think it's just plain funny, you think i should be glad i didn't get charged legally by angela yonker who had no point to make and no proof to offer (other words why wasn't there a public discussion of this point?), while it's a point against me and k that there was a threat to call the cops. as if i'm to be held responsible, in other, more fashionable words, "accountable", for something i never did, while those who actually did something (assault, kidnapping and attempted torture) are to be excused prima facie. it's almost as if - excuse me for making this incredible revelation, based on your last emails - but it's almost as if you take RHETORIC more seriously than you take REALITY!
of course, you thought i should make a public apology and account myself to the tender mercies of the "radical community". as if i didn't try that already and as if we didn't both know what happened to me then! it's funny, again, how your facility with rhetoric renders what ACTUALLY HAPPENED into nonexistence, and what never happened, into some semblance of existence.
i know you're a big believer in self-defense and "radical women's totally justified self-protective maneuvers", well, good luck defending yourself when olivia and her followers know what you said about them!!
have fun with existing in a mental fog, maybe it's the only place you'll be able to exist if they beat you senseless.
you don't get it do you? i'm not one of you anymore. i am only looking out for me. with friends like you, who fucking needs friends?
david benterou's email is peterfuckingpan@riseup.net
Monday, October 25, 2010
correspondence with a working class radical
thanks very much man. i always thought the same of you as well.
i have emphatically quit radical politics. i gave it years of my life and all it gave me was bruises, a police record and a bad reputation. not fair but then again, that's life. really i'm mostly just embarrassed of myself, i knew a lot of the other people involved were spoiled brat suburbanites trying to work off their middle class guilt by clinging to self-righteous elitism, but i told myself i was different. apparently i was different enough to get scapegoated and ostracized, but not different enough to not have gotten mixed up with those assholes in the first place, and that definitely feels like my own delusional fault.
anyway thanks for the offer, im not sure what i "need" that you could provide? i need some friends but you're far away. if you ever wanted to punch my former housemates' faces in that would be great, but eh. i am going to school still for a technical profession rather than some pretentious humanities bullshit. working on music and on my relationships with my family and my girlfriend, who actually mean something to me and aren't just treating me as some kind of pawn in a political game.
how are you doing?
--
I haven't heard any of that bullshit dude....and for what its worth.... hearing it now doesn't change my perception of you. I noticed something shady about those cats from the jump but I was new on the scene and didn't want to make any assumptions....since spring semester I have witnessed their "elitist" ways and I had barely ever associated myself with any of them, it was just that obvious. I'm sorry to hear that they made up such horrible bullshit. You were always a good dude to me...hope all is well where ever you are.... and same stands true now as before..... if you need anything....let me know
Be safe
x
--
thanks very much man. i always thought the same of you as well.
i have emphatically quit radical politics. i gave it years of my life and all it gave me was bruises, a police record and a bad reputation. not fair but then again, that's life. really i'm mostly just embarrassed of myself, i knew a lot of the other people involved were spoiled brat suburbanites trying to work off their middle class guilt by clinging to self-righteous elitism, but i told myself i was different. apparently i was different enough to get scapegoated and ostracized, but not different enough to not have gotten mixed up with those assholes in the first place, and that definitely feels like my own delusional fault.
anyway thanks for the offer, im not sure what i "need" that you could provide? i need some friends but you're far away... if you ever wanted to punch in my former housemates' faces in that would be great, but eh. i am going to school still for a technical profession rather than some pretentious humanities bullshit. working on music and on my relationships with my family and my girlfriend, who actually mean something to me and aren't just treating me as some kind of pawn in a political game.
how are you doing?
--
I haven't heard any of that bullshit dude....and for what its worth.... hearing it now doesn't change my perception of you. I noticed something shady about those cats from the jump but I was new on the scene and didn't want to make any assumptions....since spring semester I have witnessed their "elitist" ways and I had barely ever associated myself with any of them, it was just that obvious. I'm sorry to hear that they made up such horrible bullshit. You were always a good dude to me...hope all is well where ever you are.... and same stands true now as before..... if you need anything....let me know
Be safe
x
--
I'm not sure what i could provide either....Cali is pretty far away from x for sure, i guess just knowing that you got a friend if you need one....that kinda shit doesn't concern itself with distance....radical politics and politics in general seems like a waste of time for anyone that has a genuine interest in the well being of a country of people that doesn't even care enough about themselves to be aware that there are problems.....and maybe that was our problem....caring about more then just ourselves.....it appears as if most of the people that do get involved with radical politics around here only do it because its the "in" thing to do....in my opinion that makes them no different from the whatever popular group that ridicules others to feel better about themselves....fuckin high school all over again....except for this is real life......i claim that I've quit politics as well, but i know that I'm lying to myself. like i said...i care too much....i just realized that maybe there is a better avenue in which to promote change....protesting, marching, tabling....fuck even voting...it's all bullshit....it's forcing people to see problems that they are trying their hardest to deny...that's the American way....denial. I'm not quite sure if the ineffable "avenue" that I'm going down is going to work, but it seems a lot better then any other method I've seen.....changing the world by changing yourself. yeah i know doesn't make much senses to me either, but neither does politics in this country....man I've seen so much fucked up shit and I've tried to give up all hope a million times before....but there is always something that perpetuates that feeling of hope....hope that things will change, hope that one day the fuckin idiots in this country will turn off their fucking televisions and think...fuck.... think about anything aside from jersey shore or american idol.....or whatever other brain melting bullshit that pollutes our lives.....i still have hope that people will pick up a book....or pick up a weapon...or pick up a friend and talk about what's going on in this country...something.....anything....i can't lose hope man....otherwise...what the fuck else do we have?
Fist In The Air In the land of Hypocrisy
be safe
x
--
no that makes total sense to me. And sorry to take so long writing back. You want my take on radical politics? Unfortunately I was an oh-so-typical foot soldier; a middle class drop out with delusions of moral grandeur; that is, if you can see that the world is fucked (and especially if you feel it personally on the level that you are benefiting from the fucked-upness of the world) than at least it doesn't cost you anything to feel like you are the "smartest guy in the room" and so you prop up your own sense of morality and righteousness by finding enemies to condemn as inhuman. You know, whether it's cops or capitalists or accused rapists, or whether it's Jews, or Muslims or whoever, god knows accusations of rape were the main justification for the epidemic of anti-Black lynchings in the U.S. south in the late 19th and early 20th century.
And now a bunch of Leninists want to claim that an anarchist rapist is the great enemy of the cause, right after anarchists derailed the so-called student movement on Mayday, into a generalized social revolutionary movement. Well go fucking figure. The really sad thing is how many people went along with them, how many people, who had trusted me to do all sorts of illegal shit with them, couldn't even trust me to hear me out for once. Just shows what a bunch of assholes they are, as far as I'm concerned, and i think it shows it's evident that they actually trusted my anti-authoritarian convictions (as far as I know who most of the people who attacked me are, where they live, where they work and definitely they all go to UCSC, etc) since that's actually the reason they were attacking me.
Anyway enough jibber jabber. Humanity is fucking stupid and that's about as far as my political reasoning takes me these days. The world is a mess and there is no utopia to be had through student occupations or through any other means whatsoever. Such is life.
So no i don't think you're fucked up or weird for saying what you said. I am pursuing x myself in hopes of having a normal, healthy, safe, sane and stable life near my family and near my girlfriend who i love. I don't remember exactly what you said you were going to school for but i hope you're doing well with it. I remember you said you wanted to have x someday and good luck with that! Say hi to x, x and whoever else if you see them and if they're down with me.
hey everyone from the 'radical' scene who was ever remotely sympathetic to me
but couldn't actually bring yourselves to stand up for me in any measurable way.
how would you feel about me posting your names and email addresses here so you can be 'accountable' to the sadistic, self-righteous, spoiled-brat bourgeois stalinist UCSC hipsters that some of you find so reasonable, that you can say, in proper newspeak, that they committed lynch mob violence, kidnapping and attempted torture in honor of their own agendas and it was "protective measures"?
yeah, what? you think i am happy being the only one on the hook here? why don't you step forward. i will post your names, email addresses, possibly phone numbers and what you said to me here unless you convince me why i shouldn't. then i won't be so alone. then you will have to deal with kommissars olivia rudolph, kyle thomas, angela yonker and all their little followers. you will be accounted for.
maybe you will grow half a brain, age past your early twenties and get past this stupid little self-delusional scene of middle class humanities-major brats addicted to their personal little thrill of feeling like the most moral people around.
i guess you all know how to get in touch with me.
also, read the post below, please.
how would you feel about me posting your names and email addresses here so you can be 'accountable' to the sadistic, self-righteous, spoiled-brat bourgeois stalinist UCSC hipsters that some of you find so reasonable, that you can say, in proper newspeak, that they committed lynch mob violence, kidnapping and attempted torture in honor of their own agendas and it was "protective measures"?
yeah, what? you think i am happy being the only one on the hook here? why don't you step forward. i will post your names, email addresses, possibly phone numbers and what you said to me here unless you convince me why i shouldn't. then i won't be so alone. then you will have to deal with kommissars olivia rudolph, kyle thomas, angela yonker and all their little followers. you will be accounted for.
maybe you will grow half a brain, age past your early twenties and get past this stupid little self-delusional scene of middle class humanities-major brats addicted to their personal little thrill of feeling like the most moral people around.
i guess you all know how to get in touch with me.
also, read the post below, please.
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