[My friend Peter Sheridan is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for British national newspapers. He has covered revolutions, civil wars, riots, wildfires, and Hollywood celebrity misdeeds for longer than he cares to remember. As part of his job, he must read all the weekly tabloids. For the past couple of years, he's been posting terrific weekly tabloid recaps on Facebook and has graciously given us permission to run them on Boing Boing. Enjoy! - Mark]

"Princess Grace was murdered!” says the National Examiner, explaining that an Italian mob-connected syndicate tampered with her car's brakes, and then “injected air into her veins, causing a stroke” as she lay in hospital. Presumably because they knew the crash wouldn’t kill her, and had a hit-man disguised as an orderly stationed at the hospital with syringe at the ready. Sounds likely to me.

Australian government official Simon Dorante-Day claims he is heir to the British throne, the victim of a conspiracy by the Royal Family and his parents - Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles - who cruelly gave him up for adoption 50 years ago, according to the Globe. Which would also boost his nine children ahead of Prince William in the line of succession for the crown. Sounds like a reality TV show waiting to happen.

“Bloodthirsty terrorists hiding in secret cells in North America are plotting to unleash a horrific attack on soft targets in the U.S.,” explains the Globe, which provides a helpful list in case ISIS needs some guidance finding places to strike: Disney World, the Mall of America, Washington D.C., Hollywood Boulevard, Beverly Hills, Las Vegas and New Orleans. Read the rest