CRAWLEY vs HORSHAM - Rap Battle Parody 2014

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• published: 04 Aug 2014
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We were in the local paper for this! http://www.wscountytimes.co.uk/news/local/horsham-vs-crawley-rap-hits-youtube-1-6263137 All lyrics by Will Bower: Crawley v Horsham Rap Battle Crawley Guy: Pretentious posh kid here, sound the alarm, There’s BEEF on ROAD between us...at Holmbush Farm. Welcome to Crawley, home to 100,000 residents, We have a better bandstand than you and Henry Smith is our President, We have two Troy’s kebabs, and now JD has expanded, You should be begging for change like the 60p man did. Type “Ugliest fountain in the world” into Google; its Shelley’s one, Her architectural skills were as bad as the nightclub she run, Your fast food is past screwed now your McDonalds is done, I can go to FOUR in my town and now you’ve got NONE. Horsham Guy: Representing Horsham, population 50,000, Pop density’s spread out so our streets are not crowded. We have a life expectancy of 83, GCSEs and no homeless on our streets, Plus we’ve got a massive fountain. Our area of residence has a higher income per capita than yours, We have private schools and actually obey by laws, We own poodles and corgis not those staffies in Crawley, Contemplate as I dominate and dissect your flaws. Crawley Guy: If there was an award for the worst pubs in the UK, you’d win it. OCTOPVS closed in Horsham last year because it’s better without U in it. Our nightclub is called Moka, and everyone goes in there, Your club is called Chameleon because NO ONE KNOWS IT'S THERE, The nightlife is a quiet-meet compared to our High Street, plus look at the clothes they wear, People leave the CLUB like Matt Tubbs, but I suppose that’s fair. Horsham Guy: I have a Broad-field of arguments that I want to attest, We wear suits and not tracksuits, there’s no Ralph Lauren crests, We have Needles estate, you have needles on your estates, And I’m alright at night without a bulletproof vest. Your youth pregnancy is astounding, try birth control, see how that goes, Your kids are having kids, it's like Russian Dolls, Having the UK’s biggest Poundland shows just how cheap you are there, But you just hide the cracks you have like Astroturfing Queen’s Square. I’ve got more lines than Three Bridges, we laugh at your peasantry, We segregate gender in our schools, to avoid the teen pregnancies. Hunting is a fun thing, Radio 4 is my cause, We have antique furniture dealers on our streets, but they sell DRAWS on yours. Crawley Guy: Burgess Hill and Horley hate you because you’re so uppity, We proudly drink our Tetley whilst you have a “Earl Grey” cup of tea, Your town is so dry your fountain died, it’s the most boring of places to be, And the most exciting thing to happen in July, was a cat getting stuck up a tree. Our football team has professional players; they play in league 1 in England. Your football team, (Horsham YMCA), are local people, builders, policemen…… cowboys,Indians You have a Waitrose… Performed by Will Bower and George Watts Filmed by Callam Dent and George Bower A parody of battle rap over exaggerating the sterotypes of two neighbouring towns. www.facebook.com/RoyaltyThree www.twitter.com/RoyaltyThree www.RoyaltyThree.co.uk Will@RoyaltyThree.co.uk