Feast (2005)

Actors: Bob Weinstein (producer), Joel Soisson (producer), Balthazar Getty (actor), Matt Damon (producer), Ben Affleck (producer), Anthony 'Treach' Criss (actor), Wes Craven (producer), Henry Rollins (actor), Clu Gulager (actor), Duane Whitaker (actor), Judah Friedlander (actor), Krista Allen (actress), Jason Mewes (actor), Stephen Edwards (composer), Harvey Weinstein (producer),

Plot: In a remote bar, a newcomer advises the customers to seal the place up, as hungry monsters will soon attack them. The customers must quickly organize a strategy to defend themselves from the deadly creatures.

Keywords: accidental-shooting, alcohol, anal-sex, arson, b-movie, bar, bare-chested-male, bartender, basement, beaten-to-death
Genres: Action, Comedy, Horror, Thriller,
Taglines: They're Hungry. You're Dinner.

Quotes:

Hero: Listen to me. A storm o'hell's coming down on this place any second. I don't know what they are, I don't know where they came from. All I do know is that these fuckers are fast, nasty, and hungry... and there's four of 'em. They got claws like Ginsu knives and more teeth than a chainsaw. They're comin'... right now. So we gotta lock this bar down. That means doors, windows, drains, and zippers, and we gotta do it now. You! Get a phone, call the cops, National Guard, townies, anybody who kicks ass, and get 'em out here. Any questions?::Bartender: Yeah. Who the hell are you?::Hero: I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.::[a monster immediately reaches through the window and kills him]

[after trapping one of the creatures]::Bozo: We're okay.::[hears another creature growling]::Bozo: Scratch that.

Coach: Oh dear.::Honey Pie: What? What's he doing?::Bozo: They're humping!::Beer Guy: Aw man! The monsters are doing it doggy style.::Hot Wheels: Monster sex.

Bartender: C'mon, I'll take you to your car.::Honey Pie: [as Coach steps up beside Honey Pie at the bar] Not tonight. I have an escort.::Bartender: That'll be eighteen bucks, pal.::Bartender: [Coach opens wallet to pay, wedding ring falls out. Honey Pie shoves him to the ground and walks off. Re: tab] Guess I'll just keep this open.

Honey Pie: [Notices Bozo and Hot Wheels have been watching her undress, wash blood off] Act like you've had some.::Bozo: Oh, I've had some, baby.::Hot Wheels: [voice cracking] I haven't.

Honey Pie: [Re: first monster trapped and killed] Jeez, it took all that? All those bullets?::Beer Guy: That's the LITTLE one? We can't fight these things! No way!::Heroine: We can still fight them. We just gotta be clever.::Coach: Maybe we don't have to fight them at all.::Bozo: Yeah, why don't we just call 'em names.

Bozo: Any more ideas, Animal Planet?::Coach: I-I was just being proactive!::Bartender: Hey Dipshit, I didn't see you helpin' did I...::Bozo: Oh, go douche, Grandpa!::Beer Guy: What now?::Tuffy: We're stuck in here, that's what.

Bozo: YOU!::Grandma: [Drunkenly] What?::Bozo: You know somethin'!::Grandma: Huh?::Bozo: You're old! You've seen things!::Grandma: I don't know a thing.::Bartender: Easy there...::Bozo: Back off me, whitey! I'm interrogating her.::Bozo: Old people know things, like legends and tall tales and shit.::Grandma: No... really... I don't...::Bozo: Come on! Spill it! Or I'll get rough!::Grandma: I don't know anything! [Points to Bartender] Why don't you ask him? He's old!::Heroine: Relax. She doesn't know anything.::Bozo: Yeah... allegedly.

Bozo: [Locked in bedroom as monster is coming through window] Okay! I'm ready to come out now!::Bartender: [Bartender fumbles outside with key; it breaks in the lock] Oh.::Bozo: [Panicking, rattling doorknob] OH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH"?::Coach: [Relatively calmly. i.e. oh, shit] Cheese and crackers.

Coach: [Both peering outside through secret hatch door in the dark basement] You know, you and I have a lot of similarities. Strong. Resolute...::Heroine: You need to be quiet.::Coach: I'm sorry. I talk when I'm nervous.::Heroine: Quiet.::Coach: It's just, it's been a while since someone's been horribly killed, and it seems like an opportune time for someone to be... well... offed.::Heroine: What did I say? Shh.::Coach: Sorry. I'm done now.::Coach: [Hoisting himself out the hatch door] Great men will tell of my bravery.