Dancing To The Organ Grinder

As a corporate executive whore, I have attained a certain level of assumed expertise in my chosen industry. There have been some nice awards and recognition, which have undoubtedly resulted in continued employment; if not the financial rewards that I should have received by this point.

However, in these uncertain times, in which my industry has been hit especially hard, employment is a very, very, very good thing.

The trade-off is that occasionally I have to involve myself in being interviewed for trade magazines, and participate in conference panels. These events go against my inherent anti-social, unfriendly and negative attitudes.

Most of my discomfort is due to the old "self doubt" gremlin, whispering in my ear. The "emperor has no clothes" feeling, that I'll be exposed for the fraud that deep down, I know I am.

To wit:

A few months back, I sat on a panel of industry leaders (I was the joker in the deck) for the Keynote Address at a conference and spoke about my business.

Here's some advice: It's probably not a good idea to use the term "corporate overlord" when speaking to a group of, well, corporate overlords.

While some at my place of business might feel that I am Mr. Executive Douchebag; I was blown away and exposed as a little twerp. I am pretty sure that the guy sitting next to me was wearing a suit that cost more than my car did. These guys were movers and shakers, and I was pretty much shaking the whole time.

It was an extremely long 90 minutes; and I noticed in the Q & A that no one was askin' me anything! Or coming up to me afterward. The moderater thanked me and told me I did a fine job. Yeah. Sure.

The really scary thing is that I keep getting invited to speak at these things!

So, today, I have another one to do. I'm on a panel with a couple of people that can run rings around me in knowledge. They'll be a couple of hundred people in attendence. I am expecting a disaster.

But you know what? I am totally relaxed about this one. It might be the certainty that, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if I crap the bed or not. Or, I might FINALLY realize that I might be a moron, but that doesn't neccessarily mean that everyone else in my field isn't a moron either.

We're in such trouble in our industry, that we're all holding on for dear life.

I'll do my shpiel, it'll be over, and I won't look back on it.

I hope!

Toonage:

New York Dolls - Don't Start Me Talkin'

Lagwagon - A Feedbag Of Truckstop Poetry

Ween - What Deaner Was Talking About

New Bomb Turks - Bullish On Bullshit

The Five Days of Hate - Day 2

You sucker. She/he doesn't really love you. Hey Romeo, you ever think to check if her heart was still beating before you cashed in? Maybe a mirror under the nose to see if she was breathing? Sucker.

Toonage:

Ramones - You're Gonna Kill That Girl (demo verison)

The Plague - Go Away

The Killjoys - Today I Hate You

Lagwagon - Tomorrow Is Heartbreak

My Beard of Shame

“We have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male such as the beard disagreeable to nearly all the females

- and there is more in that than you might suppose"
... C.S. Lewis

I've worn a goatee (or whatever you call that 'stashe and chin hair thang) for the past few years. It seemed that all the cool kids were doing it (or something like that) back in the halcyon days of the early aughts and I kept it. As an added bonus, it's a real pleasure watchin' the grey replacing the black as the years progress.

A month or so ago I got lazy and decided to grow the whole thing out, much to the distaste of the missus as well as my corporate overlords. Which, of course are two good reasons to keep it growin'.

It's never really gotten much past that nice "dirty" looking phase... the stage where it just looks like I forgot about personal hygiene. That, along with the hoodie that I don whilst riding the rails generally ensures that people leave me the f&ck alone on my commute and tend to be unwilling to sit next to me unless they have no other recourse. It also helps that most of the time I am glaring at my fellow cattle.

I think I'm gonna keep it for a while, the missus thinks it makes me look older, but others have said it makes me looks younger.

On a related note, I have recently noticed that I no longer get carded when entering bars. It used to be such a pain in the ass since I thought I was being singled out and hassled. Now I kinda miss it. That and being offered help to cross the street by those pesky boy scouts is really bugging me.

So, in light of this totally self indulgent post (as if there are any other kinds!), I present the following toonage:


Toonage:

Lagwagon - Razor Burn
The Pixies - Ain't That Pretty At All
ZZ Top - Squank
Sham 69 - Angels With Dirty Faces
Pansy Division - The Summer You Let Your Hair Grow Out