Disaster Movie -- Movie Review #JPMN

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• published: 19 May 2013
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• Disaster Movie (2008) -- Unmitigated disaster. Cringe worthy diarrhea, 1/10. SIGN UP for your free Netflix trial: http://www.Netflix.com/Jogwheel SAVE $10 on MoviePass: http://www.MoviePass.com/Jogwheel TWEET a review with the #JPMN hashtag, and have it featured! WATCH full episodes, every Friday night: http://bit.ly/JogJPMN ~~ Movie Night Reviews ~~ Incorporating viewer comments and tweets, your host and film critic Jonathan Paula reviews everything from opening day releases, recent DVDs, upcoming trailers, and classics from years past. Along with your votes, each film is scored on the "Rate-O-Matic" for a 1-10 ranking. A "Five Word Summary" quickly encapsulates each review while "Factor Facts" highlight a film's best and worst features in ten key categories. Each "Quick Review" is an excerpt from a full episode, which air on the JPizzle1122 channel every Friday, November through May. Born in February 1986, Jonathan Paula is a professional YouTuber and creator of the hit web series, "Is It A Good Idea To Microwave This?". In April 2006 he founded Jogwheel Productions, a new media production company that specializes in web video. He has been reviewing films since 2003, and professionally since 2009. Jon graduated from Emerson College in 2008 with a degree in Television Production / Radio Broadcasting. He currently lives in Rockingham, NH with his wife Rebecca. ~~ Links ~~ Twitter --------------------- http://bit.ly/JonTW Facebook ---------------- http://bit.ly/JonFBFan Main Channel ----------- http://bit.ly/Jogwheel 2nd Channel ------------ http://bit.ly/JonWorld Movie Night Show ----- http://bit.ly/JogJPMN FAQ Video --------------- http://bit.ly/JogFAQv T-Shirts ------------------- http://bit.ly/JogStore ~~ Technical ~~ Created by ------ Jonathan Paula Camera ---------- Panasonic HMC-150 Microphone ----- Sennheiser ME 66 Software --------- Adobe Premiere Pro CS5 Computer ------- http://bit.ly/JAV010 • Jogwheel Productions © 2013 • ~~ Review Script ~~ From the talentless hacks that brought us disappointing pictures like "Spy Hard", "Epic Movie", or "Meet The Spartans", Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer released this magnum opus of garbage in August of 2008, which somehow earned a $14-million dollar profit. The lowest ranked movie of all time on IMDb... this piece of parody drek so egregiously misses the point of entertainment, it is painful, and even detrimental to watch, playing out as one long, unfunny joke without a punchline. The PG-13 rated sideshow of nonsense goes beyond unfunny or boring... becoming outright insulting drivel: appealing to the stupidest common denominator. The cast of awful no-name MADtv has-beens aren't even worth mentioning, except for Los Angeles socialite Kim Kardashian in her feature debut, who showcased better range in her leaked sex tape. With barely any semblance of a plot, the endless string of disconnected shots don't even come close to a "Disaster"-style story. The dismally paced movie has no rhyme or reason to the dozens of disposable references and sight-gags littered so haphazardly throughout. The offensive, crude, immature, and unfunny jokes wouldn't even be amusing to brain-dead children. The pointlessly irrelevant cameos, and celebrity impressions lack any humor, criticism, or subtly: bursting into shots by literally announcing themselves, "It's me, Dr. Phil", one bald guy quips. In an attempt to stay fiercely topical and current, many characters spoof unreleased movies, pathetically written based only on their source material's trailers -- resulting rather ironically in a picture that aged terribly, already extremely dated for a five-year-old comedy. This list of pop-culture items spoofed includes Indiana Jones, Amy Winehouse, Sex And The City, a number of superheros, Kung Fu Panda, Hannah Montana, and the Chipmunks (who attempt to eat everyone's testicles for some reason). Surprisingly, it is almost decently put together in a technical sense... the shots are lit and framed well, and the sound mix is serviceable: which is why the massive failure in all other areas is so much more painful, like the low-rent costumes and cheesy special effects. Imagine an hour-long episode of Family Guy containing only cutaways... now imagine they're all five minutes too long, and are embarrassing to watch. Such an experience barely begins to describe the level of ineptitude required to mangle together this piece of crap. Friedberg and Seltzer are a plague on society, an obstacle for evolution: and should be permanently banned from Hollywood. This movie's *only* redeeming quality is how short it is, running just 75-minutes before a series of goofy bloopers pad out the 12-minutes credit sequence, ending with a musical montage revisiting all of the picture's worst characters; as if to remind you of what you suffered through. I'd sooner stab out my own eyes with a rusty spork than watch this again. "Disaster Movie", an "Unmitigated disaster. Cringe worthy diarrhea." ~