The Associated Press is reporting that President Obama’s Supreme Court pick will be Merrick B. Garland, a federal appellate judge for the District of Columbia Circuit. Hope he likes being ignored by Republicans!
Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals, and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.
President Obama will announce his pick to replace Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court at 11 a.m. Wednesday, and that’s when everything will promptly fucking fall apart. Senate Republicans have made it clear they won’t hold a hearing on Obama’s choice, so the only thing left is an irritable battle of words.
There’s a special sting in losing your home state, and Marco Rubio has all the time in the world to feel it tonight after announcing he will “suspend” his bid for the White House. The GOP race is officially down to only the most hideous choices, a.k.a. the only ones Republican voters will apparently consider.
In a deeply hideous case out of upstate New York, a 41-year-old man pleaded guilty Monday on child pornography charges; the victim was his 14-year-old daughter. The man posed as a teenage boy to coerce and bully her into sending nude images, and he then began sexually abusing her after faking the suicide of her…
Jane O’Meara Sanders—social worker, academic, wife of Bernie—took a trip yesterday to see the infamous “tent city” jail where Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has somehow been allowed to house inmates since 1993. Arpaio says he gave her a tour; Sanders says the sheriff “showed up unexpectedly” while she was there…
A partner at a venture capital firm in Silicon Valley has resigned from his position, days after a lurid lawsuit was filed accusing him of sexually abusing a woman, then refusing to pay her a promised $40 million in compensation. Michael Lewis Goguen said the suit had nothing to do with his work at the firm, Sequoia…
A U.S. Navy sailor stationed in Okinawa has been arrested and is being charged with the rape of a Japanese woman, a 40-year-old tourist from the prefecture of Kyushu. Okinawan authorities say the sailor, 24-year-old Justin Castellanos, found the victim drunk and asleep in a hotel lobby.
A new anti-Trump ad is just things that candidate has said about women, read aloud by women. “A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a ten,” a brunette actress with glasses says thoughtfully.
Sleepiest badger Ben Carson roused himself early Monday morning to appear on some morning shows, where he defended his new BFF Donald Trump, claiming that violence at his rallies was the fault of protesters alone. On MSNBC’s Morning Joe, he called upon protesters at Trump rallies to engage in “civil discussion.” Just…
On Friday morning, man perpetually waking up from a five-hour nap Ben Carson endorsed former rival Donald Trump. The endorsement took place at a Trump-owned country club in Florida. Heartwarming! And also, while we’re here, a very good time to look back on all the nice things Donald Trump has said about his newest…
Caitlyn Jenner is still a Republican, because economic privilege has a way of eclipsing everything else. In a new clip from an upcoming episode of I Am Cait, she aggressively, if a bit foggily, defends Donald Trump, while castigating Hillary Clinton. Benghazi is invoked.
It’s lonely being Ted Cruz, a middle-aged vampire sent to vacation Bible school and then the deep-discount rack at Men’s Wearhouse in quick succession. But today is an exciting day for Cruz, who today has made his second true friend. Everyone say hi to Ted’s new friend, Utah Senator Mike Lee!
Donald Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski grabbed Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields at a press conference Tuesday night, forcing her away from Trump and leaving marks on her arm, multiple witnesses have attested. Fellow Breitbart reporter Patrick Howley has reportedly been suspended after suggesting the…
Florida Governor Rick Scott’s name is being bandied around as a possible vice presidential pick for your future president/sea sponge overlord Donald Trump. That’s possibly why Scott refused to say on MSNBC Thursday morning how he feels about Trump’s comments about Muslims. Florida: continuing to gift us only its best…
So, here’s the situation: you’re going to get poop on you. The reasons why aren’t important, not for the purposes of this hypothetical, just: there’s going to be shit—people shit—either in your mouth or your eyes. Someone’s going to put it there. Which do you choose? How come? Is there a self-evidently better choice…
Drivers in East Louis failed to stop and help and 11-year-old child as he lay fatally wounded in the street after being struck by a car. Local news stations are reporting that it took “several minutes” for anyone to aid Maurice Richards after he was struck; the driver that hit him also fled the scene.
Sometimes you say to yourself, “Didn’t we just have a goddamned debate?” and you’re wrong. It can just feel that way, because our days are swift and fleeting, like the leaves on a fast-dying tree. But sometimes you’re right, because literally, the last Democratic debate was three damn days ago.
The Florida Senate approved a bill today that both defunds Planned Parenthood and places new restrictions on abortion procedures, because that is the current, hideous trend sweeping the nation. The bill, SB 1722, is now headed to Governor Rick Scott’s desk, where it will almost certainly be signed into law.
Carly Fiorina, a moderately bad person who dropped out of the Republican presidential race in early February, announced Wednesday that she’s endorsing Ted Cruz, who is probably not the Zodiac Killer. What a match made in whatever afterlife you go to when you make a lot of compromises in life!
